The type of dad who is more of a fun uncle. No rules or structure- let's just be buddies and play video games and go skiing and on cruises and vacations.....etc.
Constant fun and no time out for the boring parts of life. Since he only has "limited time with them" he feels that normal things even to the level of having to pick up their own trash both waste his time and possibly will make them want to go back to BM early. What they don't get is that this approach undermines any parental authority and gives all power to the kids. They are not stupid. They recognize that a well-timed "I'm bored" or "I want mom" will get them anything they want and they will develop contempt for their father. It makes the parent feel good and aleviates their guilt from the divorce but ultimately hurts the relationship and often turns the child into a total brat. Not exactly a loving thing to do.
Either parent can technically become a "disney" parent. Usually it is the NCP (non-custodial parent) because since they have relatively little time with their child/children, they don't want to spend that limited time fighting with their kid and sometimes feel that they have to make the visit "fun" or the child will resist coming over... or they want to one up the other parent.
To be honest, I think today.. even in "intact" families where both parents work.. parenting has become more permissive. The house becomes very child-centric and with both parents working they don't want to spend their limited time in the evening fighting with their kids.. and their income allows them to provide their kids "everything they lacked" as children. Nothing is their precious snowflake's fault.. it must be the teacher.. coach.. etc.. that is in the wrong. They raise kids with no ability to accept 'no' and kids insulated from disapointments.
A great example of that was Paris Hilton when she was sobbing in the police car on her way to jail.. up until that point.. she had been floated through everything.. never truly had to deal with not getting her own way.. it was sad to see her realize her plight as an adult.
The Disney parent is the parent who neither instills or enforces rules.
They make the child an equal in their life and defer to them when making critical life choices.
A Disney parent will also jump through any hoop set in place by their child and expect the whole of society to do so as well.
I explained it to my husband as he's been living in Disney World but now that he wants to put his foot down and leave due to his kids behavior, the skids dont want to leave. Im like the wicked step mother walking in and saying we all need to keabe Disney World which is why the skids resent me. "I changed him"
Very common for bio-dad (BD) to get every-other weekend (EOWE) custody; also very common for high-conflict birth/bio-moms (HCBMs) to withhold the kids from BD so he gets even LESS time with his kid(s). So somewhat understandably (even though it contributes to creating a nightmare scenario), these BD's feel desperate to keep the visitstion extremely fun for the kid(s) out of fear the BM will deny visitation with their own children, saying "Kid(s) don't want to see you this weekend" or worse (false accusations of abuse & neglect to CPS and/or police; unfortch that happens a LOT as we read on Steptalk), to the point where:
BD is reluctant to (or outright refuses to) set and enforce boundaries, discipline the kid(s), or provide consequences for bad bahavior
The kid(s) realize THEY have power over BD & BM by using their conflict to play victim
BD tries buying their own children's favor via toys, tech, eating out, no bedtime, no cleaning up after theirselves, no contributing to the household (taking out the trash, unloading the dishwasher, laundry, etc.) in a competition with BM to remain popular in the kid(s) eyes
...and so on. That's a nightmare on it's own - but then you add a step-parent to the mix who tries to have a relationship with the bio-dad (or bio-mom as the case may be), the step-parent is 100% outranked by their step-kid(s) (=skids). The Disney Dad expects the step-parent to be on-board with living in a household where the skid decides what's for breakfast, lunch & dinner; when to go to bed (if at all!); how many hours of TV/screentime they will watch/play; and that "someone" gets to clean up after them (laundry, dishes, toys/stuff). The step-parent is shown in many ways that the skid outranks them, and they cannot have a true "partnership" with the bio-dad (or bio-mom) because the bio-parent caters to the whims of the skid.
Total recipe for spoiled, manipulative, entitled kids that grow up to he dependent, entitled jerks. But it was the bio-parents who let it get that way, too afraid to correct & guide the kids due to the very real fear they might get completely cut off from the kid. You can read allll about that heartbreaking situation on this website.
Comments
The type of dad who is more
The type of dad who is more of a fun uncle. No rules or structure- let's just be buddies and play video games and go skiing and on cruises and vacations.....etc.
Ah ok. Thanks. I am the no
Ah ok. Thanks. I am the no-fun step-dad trying to get skid to STOP video games and get a second job.
Constant fun and no time
Constant fun and no time out for the boring parts of life. Since he only has "limited time with them" he feels that normal things even to the level of having to pick up their own trash both waste his time and possibly will make them want to go back to BM early. What they don't get is that this approach undermines any parental authority and gives all power to the kids. They are not stupid. They recognize that a well-timed "I'm bored" or "I want mom" will get them anything they want and they will develop contempt for their father. It makes the parent feel good and aleviates their guilt from the divorce but ultimately hurts the relationship and often turns the child into a total brat. Not exactly a loving thing to do.
I do recognze that SS can be
I do recognze that SS can be very manipulative.
Either parent can technically
Either parent can technically become a "disney" parent. Usually it is the NCP (non-custodial parent) because since they have relatively little time with their child/children, they don't want to spend that limited time fighting with their kid and sometimes feel that they have to make the visit "fun" or the child will resist coming over... or they want to one up the other parent.
To be honest, I think today.. even in "intact" families where both parents work.. parenting has become more permissive. The house becomes very child-centric and with both parents working they don't want to spend their limited time in the evening fighting with their kids.. and their income allows them to provide their kids "everything they lacked" as children. Nothing is their precious snowflake's fault.. it must be the teacher.. coach.. etc.. that is in the wrong. They raise kids with no ability to accept 'no' and kids insulated from disapointments.
A great example of that was Paris Hilton when she was sobbing in the police car on her way to jail.. up until that point.. she had been floated through everything.. never truly had to deal with not getting her own way.. it was sad to see her realize her plight as an adult.
The Disney parent is the
The Disney parent is the parent who neither instills or enforces rules.
They make the child an equal in their life and defer to them when making critical life choices.
A Disney parent will also jump through any hoop set in place by their child and expect the whole of society to do so as well.
I explained it to my husband
I explained it to my husband as he's been living in Disney World but now that he wants to put his foot down and leave due to his kids behavior, the skids dont want to leave. Im like the wicked step mother walking in and saying we all need to keabe Disney World which is why the skids resent me. "I changed him"
aka Guilty Daddee
Very common for bio-dad (BD) to get every-other weekend (EOWE) custody; also very common for high-conflict birth/bio-moms (HCBMs) to withhold the kids from BD so he gets even LESS time with his kid(s). So somewhat understandably (even though it contributes to creating a nightmare scenario), these BD's feel desperate to keep the visitstion extremely fun for the kid(s) out of fear the BM will deny visitation with their own children, saying "Kid(s) don't want to see you this weekend" or worse (false accusations of abuse & neglect to CPS and/or police; unfortch that happens a LOT as we read on Steptalk), to the point where:
...and so on. That's a nightmare on it's own - but then you add a step-parent to the mix who tries to have a relationship with the bio-dad (or bio-mom as the case may be), the step-parent is 100% outranked by their step-kid(s) (=skids). The Disney Dad expects the step-parent to be on-board with living in a household where the skid decides what's for breakfast, lunch & dinner; when to go to bed (if at all!); how many hours of TV/screentime they will watch/play; and that "someone" gets to clean up after them (laundry, dishes, toys/stuff). The step-parent is shown in many ways that the skid outranks them, and they cannot have a true "partnership" with the bio-dad (or bio-mom) because the bio-parent caters to the whims of the skid.
Total recipe for spoiled, manipulative, entitled kids that grow up to he dependent, entitled jerks. But it was the bio-parents who let it get that way, too afraid to correct & guide the kids due to the very real fear they might get completely cut off from the kid. You can read allll about that heartbreaking situation on this website.
Also parenting by guilt
A race to the bottom in which each parent competes for the household with the least amount of rules.
Exactly!
You nailed it, very succinct.