BM back on drugs
I'm not even sure there's a question here, but I need to get this out. We had SD11 for years due to BM's drug issues. BM came back around last summer and SD decided she wants to stay with her. I have written a few posts about this. Anyway, today I came across some very recent pictures of BM on facebook where she is CLEARLY high, like there is NO doubt whatsoever.
I'm at kind of a loss here. I had a feeling this would happen. We just got SD's old room cleared out because we are expecting in a few months and that was our only "spare" room (SD hasn't stayed a night here in 9 months and I made VERY sure she did not want to come back before doing this).
Do I share these pictures with DH? Mind my own business? Something else? It makes me sad that SD is more than likely seeing her mom in this condition and I'm assuming she is driving her around and probably has drugs in the house.
Can't edit post but need to
Can't edit post but need to add - when I say high, I mean high on heroin. So this is serious.
Mind you own business is my
Mind you own business is my best advice. BM here isn't on drugs so to speak but she is a RAGING alcoholic who washes down her anti depressents with booze....she acts INSANE and often screams at Skids about DH or just in general...then wakes up the next day crying that she is sorry. She also drives them drunk all over town........
My DH won't address it, my MIL won't address it....everyone just turns a blind eye because they might upset BM or skids by calling her out.....guess it's better to drop of SD11 to mom passed out drunk at 9PM. Acutally, last weekend drunk BM Thought it would be fun to get sleds and slide down the stairs at 2 am and then her neice tried it and broke her arm at 2 am with a house full of drunks.....I think even if one of skids had broken their arm.....DH would remain silent.
I guess my point is......just turn your head.
Oh my! Everyone has done the
Oh my! Everyone has done the same thing with turning a blind eye to BM's shit parenting in the past too, so I don't think it will be any different this time. Ugh I won't ever understand.
I do think you should make
I do think you should make your DH aware of the pictures and then let him take action if he so chooses. If DH had knowledge that YOUR child was possibly in danger and kept that information from you, how would you feel about your marriage?
I would absolutely want
I would absolutely want ANYONE who knew my child was in danger to tell me. Maybe I will just show him the pictures and then let him decide what to do, if anything. Thanks!
So show him the pictures this
So show him the pictures this time and then block any and all social media where you may ever see her face again. I know how frustrating it is, and the situation is at all like mine then you are really super annoyed that everyone turns a blind eye.
Thank god I stopped caring about BM being a drunk (a drunk is okay but drunk driving the kids got me) and realized that if my DH didn't care or MIL didn't care....then why should I. When DH and BM first split.....DH was staying with him mom...when they had the kids over there BM would show up WASTED drunk and scream and yell at everyone and then demand the kids go with her.....guess what?? The kids went with her in the car and nobody said a word besides how bad they felt for the kids.....uh yeah okay.
I am so glad I don't care anymore.
Your husband
needs to get off his ass and do something. He needed to do it months ago. So yes, show him the photos. He made an idiotic decision in the first place when he allowed BM to have unsupervised access to said child and then allowed her to move in with her addict mom.
Does mom legally have custody now? Would he need to do anything beyond just picking the child up? If he doesn't do something then you know what kind of person and parent he is.
Oh I know. I was on his @$$
Oh I know. I was on his @$$ for months about it when SD first started staying with BM. I eventually backed off because no one seemed to care what I had to say, plus I was having some issues with my pregnancy and needed to try to stay stress-free.
DH and BM legally have 50/50. They just have never went by the CO. We had SD full time for about 6 years up until I believe it was last Sept-Oct that she really started staying with BM full time.
I would make your DH aware
I would make your DH aware and let it be. Meaning if he doesn't see a reason to fight, then he won't fight and at least you had a part in a "see something, do something" I gave up fighting knowing that BM while she is not an addict of any sort is a narcissit and pathological liar and sort of lives to make everyone feel bad about themselves, is who SD chooses to live with so I no longer encourage DH to fight for her, because I don't really want her in my home 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
That is a good point. It has
That is a good point. It has been pretty peaceful lately. He more than likely won't do anything anyway.
Once again you are breaking the rules
Do not do more then birth parents. Your SD wants to stay with BM. She has not stayed with you for over for nine month. She will not like sharing a bed room with DD. She will not like following your house rules. You are asking for big trouble.
Ah I know, I need to keep
Ah I know, I need to keep telling myself that!! "You can't care more than the parents"
Thank you!
If it were me, I would show
If it were me, I would show DH the pictures and then back off. Let him decide whether or not to take any action or do any further investigating.
I look at things like this from a somewhat selfish perspective. I ask myself, if something were to happen to skid because of her mother's drug use, and I knew or strongly suspected that BM was back on drugs and kept it to myself, would I feel guilty? If the answer is yes (and it would be), then I would tell DH, because I don't want that on my conscience. If he does nothing, well, not my problem and I've done what I can do.
That's how I feel. I don't
That's how I feel. I don't think him finding out will be any surprise since BM has been on and off drugs for a very long time, and I doubt he will do anything. It would just make me feel better for him to know.
Thanks!
Let DH know and he can decide
Let DH know and he can decide what to do. But be prepared for her to return to your home.
eww mutual friends of bm...oh my but anyway.
OMG everyone....hey we all can sling some doozies on this site BLOCK the W, blah blah blah...some are serious some very sarcastic.
However, when it comes to kids living in a home around what OP suggests is an active heroin addict. COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNN everyone.
Yes of course you tell DH. AND if you think this child, or any child is in danger call the police. Has anyone here had a bm strung out on drugs? Do you know how dangerous that is for the child. Lord only knows the derelicts coming into the home shooting up while the child is there.
Since BM cant care about the welfare of a kid...someone has to.
This fires me up. Regardless of what anything thinks of BM...protect that kid.
IF op and dh are not able to care for the child, tell the powers to be. That does happen.
For goodness sake protect that child until BM is clean and sober, IF bm comes up hot and a hair folical will go back several months.
Poor kids...
Around here, CPS would not
Around here, CPS would not take that call - that BM looked high in her Facebook pictures.
Using drugs around kids is not necessarily grounds for removal unless it affects the kids in some way - and there is no proof that she's even doing drugs around SD.
There is nothing either of them can do unless DH wants to fight this out in court.
tog, I agree with you on that
tog, I agree with you on that - CPS doesn't seem to take things very seriously around here until AFTER a child is seriously hurt or worse.
I'm assuming some haven't
I'm assuming some haven't seen someone addicted to heroin firsthand. Unfortunately I have been around it a lot due to a family member's addiction so I know darn well a child is not safe in the care of a heroin addict. From the constant nodding out to the driving high, bringing kids to get drugs, not to mention the type of people the kids are likely being brought around. Ugh. It just makes me sick. And I'm one of those crazy people who actually care about their stepkid. Do I want to live with her full time, not really, but I don't want anything to happen to her either.
Narcan
SD is old enough to be taught how to recognize symptoms of overdose, call 911 and use a Narcan injector (like an epi pen) You can buy them without an Rx. Sad, but if she is using H, it's not IF she od's, but WHEN she od's. There is awful Fentanyl being mixed into H too and it's sent 10 people to the hospital in one weekend in our area, 1 dead.
That is true, I hadn't even
That is true, I hadn't even thought about talking to SD (or rather my DH talking to her) about that. BM has overdosed at least once in the past (possibly more that I don't know about) and it was when she was pregnant with her last child! She's a piece of work. Luckily that baby was placed for adoption.
I am on the fence on this one
I am on the fence on this one. On the one had SD made her choice. On the other... she is only 11 years old.
What I struggle with the most is that Daddy let an 11yo make this choice. Kids don't get a choice. They do what their responsible parent tells them to do. Why on Earth would an adult let an 11yo make this type of decision?
All that said, the right thing to do is get the pics to the authorities, have them take the child and place the child back with your family. IMHO the authorities need to come down on the drug addict like a ton of crap in a one pound bag and end any chance of BM being able to pollute this little girl any more than she already has.
Congratulations on the baby.
Good luck.