Hi all. It's been a while since I posted here. I've been divorced over a year now (separated longer). We have 2 kids - 5 and 1. I started dating a new guy about 6 months ago. I actually grew up with the guy but we never dated before. I introduced him to my kids fairly early on because 1. I've known him since we were kids and felt comfortable doing so and 2. I have my kids 100% of the time so it was getting hard to see him without having him around my kids.
Anyway, since this is my first relationship since my divorce and you all are experts in this area, I have a few questions...
My bf is amazing with my 1 year old son. They took to each other pretty much instantly. My 5 year old daughter, on the other hand, not so much. She misses her dad (he is not in their lives due to his drug addiction - he is currently incarcerated and I have sole custody of the kids) and feels my bf is hard on her. My bf has his own 13 year old daughter who is very well-behaved so he thinks he knows what to do with my daughter and says he wants to help.
I have expressed to him that disciplining my kids is not something I want help with. I just want him to be there and have a positive relationship with them. At this point, my bf is almost always at my house so is it unrealistic that he would not be part of parenting her? I feel it's early on for that. He has never laid a hand on my kids and I would never allow him to. When I say discipline, I mean taking her things when she backtalks and things like that. But I feel like he is constantly on her about things she is doing that I don't think are a big deal - like jumping on the couch or getting out of the chair the wrong way or forgetting to pick up her things - she's 5!!
Am I crazy? What do you think my bf's role with my kids should be at this point in our relationship and how do I make him understand what I want?