Am I handeling this right at all?
Every time we have SO's kids they complain about being bored which I understand my kids are older so at first there was much for them to play with here. We spent a bit of money on them on clothes and toys to keep here BM has stopped sending clothes because we should as she thinks provide them clothes here (I don't mind that)but now thinks we should also send what we buy home with them (not happening) and I told SO as much. Their clothes are always nasty dirty and torn and we wash them and send them back in them and she then freaks out on SO that we give them ruined hand me downs to give her (um no that's what you sent them in) she then demands the toys because the kids want them and cry all the way home cause we keep their toys from them. I told SO we should just ignore those texts and not respond AT ALL. That seems to work. but the problem is when they come back they complain that mommy told them they have nothing to play with at home because we won't give her their toys or give her money to buy them new ones (SO has started paying cs by money order to have a record since cs hasn't been court ordered yet) and I told the kids the truth she does get money and she can spend it how she wants and they should talk to her not us about it (they are 5 and 6 but I don't believe in lying to kids but put it in their language. Similar issues have arose with my own kids they go to their dads eowe and come home complaining about their dad and his gf my bd was really upset because her dad shoved her out of the way and told her to "move it" and she said "that wasn't very nice you could of said excuse me." he said nothing and when he was out of the room his gf (she dumped her own kid with her ex because she was "sick of dealing with her") told my bd "don't you dare talk to your dad like that he can do what he wants" (bd is 16 btw) I told her that if her dad had an issue with what she said he would of said so which is how he is but that if gf's comment was a problem address it with her dad and gf together. There were other issues of his gf saying things or being rude to the kids as soon as their dad left the room or house, but never in front of him. Again I told them address it with them together. I know they want to vent and have their feelings validated but I feel I should let them handle it though I also feel like giving my bd specific responses to the gf so that she realizes she is dealing with a near adult who knows rules and manners and respects people who EARN it. Their dad may be their dad but I know why they don't respect him. Gf hasn't been a problem she's been nice to the kids and I've heard no complants till the last couple weeks as her and ex have been spending time at another womans house "for work" and this woman was one my ex has had a huge crush on, so maybe she's deflecting to my kids their relationship issues. But am I handling these things okay I want my kids to be able to resolve problems with people on thier own and in a mature respectful way, but why all the sudden is gf acting like this to the kids? Ex says they all get along fine and they are all happy and gf loves the kids (this is to mutual friends) but did I do right telling them to address it with them and not digging deeper to find out if there's more to this?
The gf is very mean saying
The gf is very mean saying those things, and only when dad isn't around. I think I would have told my daughter to bring it up with dad alone, and if my daughter didn't want to then I'd discuss it with him myself. And if that didn't resolve it then tell bd what to say to gf when she says those things, as well as letting dad know its still going on.
no dad can't do whatever he
no dad can't do whatever he wants, and gf needs to shut her damn pie hole about it since she clearly isn't cut out to handle parenting. if dad isn't going to treat dd with some basic respect, i would be having it out with him. if things didn't change, he would be explaining his ass to a judge.
I would say something to him
I would say something to him yourself. She is not an adult and shouldn't be put in the situation unless she wants to. You confront him and her if you like. If it continues, then since she is 16 she can't be forced to do visitation. By, the time it would get to court a judge would let her do what she wants to do with visitation.
My dd already stopped seeing
My dd already stopped seeing her dad for several months at one point because of his treatment of her and he didn't bother to even contact her I forced her pretty much to try again. The kids are afraid to talk to him if there are problems he yells and blames them for why he treats them badly or ignores them. He only makes an effort if his friends start judging him (he reminds me of so many of the npd bm's I hear about here). My ds jut plays video games the whole time as he says "not like dad wants to hangout he won't even play them with me" my ex is a yeller and passive aggressive usually but he's shoved our kids frequently called them horrible names etc which he blamed on me for "making him that way" he used to be a good dad even when he was a terrible husband, or so I thought. The kids have recently voiced being aware when they were younger he was more. "Babysitter" than a dad and my dd said she thinks sometimes he only cares enogh to look like a dad to his friends and gf that I was always a mom. My bd has taken to introducing my SO as her stepdad even though we've only been together less than a year. I wish their dad would get help.