Adopting SKids
Has anyone actually adopted their step kids? I am starting to think that is actually going to be an option in our situation and I'm curious about it. Last January BM asked me if I would adopt SS. I told her no because at the time she was seeing him EOW and SS depended on her being in his life. And no she does not pay any type of child support. About six months ago she started skipping her visitations and would refuse to see him. (There were skipped visitations before but that had more to do with her being married to an abusive man and SS was around them beating each other.)
So the first time it was a month until SS saw BM. Then it was 6 weeks. Now it's been 3.5 months. DH has tried calling her about 10 times during the past 3.5 months and she won't answer or call back. I tried calling her once when SS was starting school, he's in 1st grade this year. She didn't answer or call back. We don't know where she is or what's going on. SS has stopped asking about her or wanting to see her. He will say something like, "Oh my mom used to do that." But that's it. And he used to cry or tell us he missed her before. But the last time he did that was the last time she saw him 3.5 months ago. He has latched on to me really tight. We have always had a great relationship and SS has been calling me mom for over a year now. Which BM actually had no problem with (surprisingly). I think she wanted a replacement for her. She was never really into being a mom to him until DH and I started dating but then it dwindled within 6 months.
During the last 6 months she only saw SS when DH would call because SS wouldn't stop crying he needed to see her. He would cry for hours because he missed her. Then she would come get him for the night and bring him back the next morning. Just enough to make him happy. I'm ready to be SS's only mom. But I'm not sure how to go about it. I know she doesn't want him. I really don't think she would mind giving up custody. And more importantly I think SS is ready to just think of BM as something in the past. I'm not sure what to do. Any suggestions? Or anyone been through this???
It sounds like you are
It sounds like you are already his "mom" without the paperwork! It is so sad for your ss that his bm is so worthless to him. But it does not take blood to be a child's mother, you sound like a wonderful and caring person and that is exactly what your ss needs. I think you and your dh need to get a lawyer and start the paperwork needed for you to be able to adopt your ss. BM has made it very clear that she does not want to be a productive member of ss's life and you do and your ss doesn't need anymore trauma in his life, he is putting her behind him and he deserves to know that you are legally his mom and you and your family can go on and provide a loving enviornment for him. Good luck and keep us posted.
"Love is strong yet delicate. It can be broken. To truly love is to understand this. To be in love is to respect this."
How old is SS? Have you
How old is SS? Have you talked to him about this?
SS is 6 years old. I have
SS is 6 years old. I have not talked to him about it. But that's because to him I am his mom. When he refers to BM he says his "other" mom. He asks me about when he was a baby all the time. He has even talked to me about him being in my belly. I always tell him that I met him when he turned 4. But he still talks about how when he was a baby I used to rock him and sing him to sleep. In his mind I am that mom. I am the one that "grew" him (that's how he says it.. lol). He doesn't listen when I remind him that it was his other mom that grew him. He just says that he wants me to be the one that grew him. I have that loving mother/son bond with him that he has never had with her. He even asked me today if I would be in his heart forever. I told him yes! Forever and ever. He then asked me what if he dies. I told him that that won't happen. But even still no matter what I will think of him and love him every single day of my life. He will always be in my heart. And he just smiled.
When I met SS he never told anyone that he loved them, he never kissed and hated being kissed. In the past two years he started letting me kiss him. He kisses me. And in the past few weeks he started telling me he loves me. He tells me "I love you one thousand hundred times." He still won't tell dad that he loves him. He won't tell grandma or grandpa. He won't let anyone kiss him and he won't kiss them. It's just me. I feel like I have the great privilege to give this boy everything that he has wanted. A loving mother. And I have seen such a difference in him. I just want to have all the legal rights to go along with it. The school treats me badly because I am not birth mom. It's not fair because I am the only mother he knows. It's just not fair to me.