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16 year old step d

sarah1980's picture

16 year old step d is making me crazy....I am not sure as to how to handle her anymore. last August his son asked daddy if he could live with us day before we are to appear in court he changes his mind mom promises him an ipod...well he has become a street rat over the past year and he is only 12 and acts like a wanabe gangster.as for sd when we were about to go to court she told her dad she wanted to live with us.. so we sat down and spoke with her about house rules..#1 be fare #2 don't lie # never break a promise...those are her d rules in life as for me I also added rules because I know where she is coming from and what she does.She came here wearing all black even her lipstick,she cuts her self has relations with both sexes.which if that is what she wants latter in life I am not going to judge her but not at 15.She likes pain...well as for her bm she is a horrible mother in my book drinks,its ok if she wants to have sex even when she was 12.stays home alone so mom can party,gets locked in her house as young as 7 and mom doesn't return all weekend. my h and I found this out from ss who wanted a better life. now by no means are we rich. but we still make it to put her in cousiling to help her with her problems.she out smarts the councilor 2 councilors later. this past year has been hard I have been diagnosed with breast cancer in oct. had a bilateral mastectomy and till under going reconstruction.he dad is always gone he drives a truck.at home it is 3bd and 1sd.ages 3,11,12,and 16...all girls...at first she seemed to want to change. then she started sneaking and lieing and I found out she is having sex at her moms house when she goes for the weekend .I haven't told her d because he has had enough of it. I don't want to just give up on her but I think the last straw was she was suppose to stay july with her bm. last min her teach from school colorguard called to see if she would be able to attend a summer program and travel the usa. I called her dad and talked him into letting her go. maybe that's what she needs to mature?????so he paid 2980.00 dollars I drove 3 hours to bring her and it only lasted 2 days and once again sex....so I had to go and get her again and brought her straight to her moms house her d told me to.she is suppose to return at the end of july.but I really don't want her around the girls anymore she is being evil,they have walked in on her masterbating with the toilet brush yes gross. now what if it had been the 3 year old and then she wants to try.i am so lost for words and don't really know how to help her...she is fake in front of me and at the house but the min I leave the room she is cursing and being mean...when I talk to h about it he gets diffensive.oh its because.......makes excuses...I am so scattered brained rite now I cant sleep at all.any ideas...oh and theres a lot more about her I haven't put yet....

sarah1980's picture

yes sounds sick and its true that is not the only object I and my 2 older girls have caught her using to masturbate every day 2 hour showers after she finally gets off her butt from watching anime and sex texting on her phone.I have already told her dad and once again excuses about why she continues to do those things I have taken her computer because I caught her on porn sites while sitting in the living room. Disney on tv and her with her porn sick. I never thought it would be like this. she doesn't get it. I give her so much attention I know everything well I thought I did....about her ....as for the objects she uses is pretty much anything. I have told her she can get very sick but she seems not to even care if she dies well that's what she tells her dad if he fusses her.so then he stops aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

sarah1980's picture

I would so love to do that but I can tell u rite now her dad will not let me....What I would do is whip her ass and take everything.and slap her everytime she rolled her eyes at me or talked back. not really sure as to what to tell my h when he comes home Monday for my surgery this wed. I don't like her and I want her out. any suggestions.

sarah1980's picture

i told my husband.about everything she has been doing. this is what happened she now has her own room. other 3 now have to share. The cell phone i cannot take it because its in the devorce papers. i take her things to punisher her cell,computer,flags,anime,everything ...dad come\s home to talk about it she cries ok pa. gets everything back.next day he leaves again i check her phone in front of her .she is talking bad about me and sex texting again. her dad just left....what i don't get it .i am the mom who goes to everything for her does everything for all.i fix all of the color guards hair even when im sick from treatment.but i support her in everything its my job as her mother ,it is fare across the board..I tell my husband. and his response is let her keep it.the cell phone. then i said to him take texting off of her phone and he got really mad ..if i make the house in a turmoil she will run away...oh and that's my problem to ,so i understand she grew up different than my 3 girls.they know better than to talk back to me,they use manners,clean there messes etc.follow the rules.or they will be in BIG trouble. no not her she is even rude to old people in walmart.....tells them to hurry up and walk.then she gets mad because my 12 year old offers to help the old cuple unload there bags.and she has to wait ..everytime i take her things she makes the house so miserable for the girls and i .she has even picked up my 3 year old and treated to drop her on the tile floor because she was sitting on her bed....

sarah1980's picture

oh and when her brother comes for the weekend he is always touching on her or they want to sleep in the living room together ...or my neighbor has a trampoline and invited them to go and play .later that day she asked me over for coffee. she said the 3 smaller girls are welcome anytime but not 16 sd or her brother. because he uses fowel language even with her and sd does to.oh and get this they were wrestling on trampoline then added water and he was all over her...sick and very imbaresed....i don't tell anyone as to what goes on with them so she had no clue they were not even mine...

sarah1980's picture

yes she was then the 1st said she is fine now...the 2nd saw her for a few months and released her...she manipulates them and tells them what they want to hear.....oh and sexual how is cutting yourself sexual oh and she likes to walk around with safety pins through her skin.before she moved in .

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

It is not sexual that she cuts herself, what she is saying is that it could be a sign that she was sexually abused or molested earlier in her life. SHE NEEDS HELP. Does she see a Dr.? I know here, she would have been admitted for a mental eval over the cutting.

sarah1980's picture

I live in san Antonio now where can I take her and do u know of a good dr.?I am not from sa tx........ I actually watched a anime video off of her comp. last night and it was sick......this guy raped and beat this girl and it showed everything....call me old fashion but I really couldn't believe what I saw....this is all done in cartoon....

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

If you are in San Antonio take her to Laurel Ridge on 1604 and Redland.

sarah1980's picture

oh my can u believe this she just called her dad. and then he called me to go and get her from her moms house she has had a fight with her bm live in bf.it is Saturday night and 230 am. I actually told him no. he was so shocked he hung up on me.

sarah1980's picture

my view point on picking her up now is . she knows the life style they lead there at her bms house. so why should I wake the girls and get on the road on a weekend night and drive an hour there and back because something didn't go her way again.

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Sounds like she has suffered tremendous sexual abuse while her drunk whore mother partied.

Porn and masturbation addictions in a teenage cutter scream abuse.

Her using a toilet cleaner to masterbate may even be a symbolic sign of what she feels.about herself.

And its no accident she keeps getting caught masterbating. My husband is in the military. I don't go months on end without an orgasm but NEVER once has anyone walked in on me masturbating!

sarah1980's picture

Thank you for your replies. I know rite now she is at her bm house and is being made to stay there until aug 1, he hopes she come to realize we are not out to get her but to help her.She is not use to a mother who checks grades ,homework, involved with her extra activities,feeds her etc.before she wore a key around her neck and answered to no one......we talk to her for hours on end about morals respecting her self etc. it seems to get no where. I am lost and rite now my house is so peaceful no drama....now the other 3 are not perfect by no means but they have been raised comp. different than her and boy does it show.....

jumanji's picture

Well, being realistic... a 17yo IS likely to masturbate. And I wonder why younger siblings feel it's okay to simply walk into a room where the door is closed.

Otherwise, if Dad has custody, he is remiss in letting her choose where to live. As I posted on a different thread - is she allowed to choose not to go to school? The dentist? The doctor? Then why is she allowed to choose where to live?

The problem is, I understand, that Dad isn't around, and expects you to parent this wayward child. He needs to either figure out a better plan for himself, or he needs to give Mom custody and absolve you of responsibility.