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16 year old rude kid

ladybug1974's picture

OK so here it comes again , friday at 500 the skids are picked up , 9 and 16. The 9 year old comes in and says hi, the 16 year old comes in takes his bag upstairs sits on  freaking couch and doesnt say hi. nothing, this is a on going issue. Hes so rude. I keep telling my partner that that is not rught and hurtfull. He says what do you want me to do i tell him 3-4 times everytime  he doesnt listen. My partner says theat the 16 yearsays he will say hi when hes ready, Moron.  I was raised when you walk into someones freaking house you say HI !!!!!!!! 

I work so hard and do NOT want them there anyways, when you get treated that way in YOUR own home it makes it soooooooooo much worse. 

He doesnt say thank you or good bye when leaving either. I told my partner that if he doesnt start showins / respect / manners he should skip the vitsits till he learns manner point blank. 

I dont know what to do. 

ladybug1974's picture

Sorry about the few spelling mistakes, i was angry when i wrote this .. 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Just ignore the shit. Dont do anything for him.

You have every right in your own home to call him out on rude behavior. He is making you uncomfortable in your own home. Time to flip the script. Get creative  Wink

You've got this

ladybug1974's picture

I dont do anything for him, but my townhouse is small, we have a love seat and a longer couch a small dining table that seats 4. i cant really igore him as hes everywhere i look, he eats like a freaking pig too. do i say something to him when he doesnt say hello , or just dont say to him at all and igore him ?  

Stepdrama2020's picture

You could be syrupy sweet in a sarcastic way to the shitty SS? He ignores you, you say "Hi SS so nice that you are back Ive really really missed you" LOL

I am only teasing here. But your DH should straighten the shit up.

Evil4's picture

You don't have an SK problem. You have an SO problem. Your SO asks "what do you want me to do?" Well, when I went through this with my SD32 shunning me in my own home when she was 15 - 22. I went to counselling. Counsellor advised that SD be consequenced. Counsellor recommended that DH and I go to couples counselling. The therapist adamantly told DH that my SD continuously getting away with shunning me was DH's fault because he's a fucking yellow belly with his kid. DH tried the old, "well, I can't make her like you..." but the therapist said while that's true, he could insist that SD stop ruling the roost, throwing her weight around and get consequences for being such a miserable disrespectful cow. DH still refused because he was afraid of losing the fucking thing, so I informed DH that he's about to lose me because I will not be treated like that in my own home, in front of our bio DD and I will no longer fuck a man who feels that I should be treated like scum in order to keep him. 

Sorry, I've been triggered and I'm in a rage. I CAN'T STAND when these idiot weak fathers claim that they can't do anything so they just let their spouses get treated like crap. It's abuse. Plan and simple. Your SS is abusing you and your SO is teaching your SS that it's perfectly OK to do so. You need to go scorched earth on your SO and teach your SO how to treat you. I remember telling my DH that not having my back was a dealbreaker. 

ladybug1974's picture

i love this and you are very right . he always says what do you want me to do ? i tell him all the time . SAY SOMETHING YOUR THE FATHER FOR GODS sake, this is adeal breaker i feel very done.

Evil4's picture

Well, saying something isn't working so it's time for consequences. My SD was like that. She knew all she had to do was to hear DH say in his overly sucky nasally baby voice when talking to her to please stop shunning Evil4 and that was it. She could keep marching along merrily shunning me. Therapist said it's time for actual consequences up to and including no longer coming to Dad's house. 

justmakingthebest's picture

I disagree with skipping visits. That way he is "rewarded" by BM for being rude to you and his dad. This is what they want. make him miserable right there. 

ladybug1974's picture

hmmm how is that rewarding he says to his dad he loves coming over, i donyt see why he just eats our god damn food and doesnt move of the couch ? if his dad picks up the younger one and says no to the older one would he not sit at his house and wonder why he isnt coming over ? 

justmakingthebest's picture

Bad behavior doesn't mean that you don't see a parent. What would your SO do if he was still married to BM and SS was acting this way? Discipline him, right? Consequences, behavior corrections. You don't stop seeing your kid because they are lacking manners. 

ladybug1974's picture

ok understood. that makes sense. But how long can i deal with that, it gets to the point that i work myself up so much i feel like im going to have a panic attack. Its rude all the way around. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Don't deal with it any longer. This is your home and there are expectations. Make those clear and if he can't respect them, there are ways to make his life miserable too. Figure out how to hit him where it hurts and do it.

You can't have the decency to speak to me, your phone is gone for the night. You can't speak to your friends either. -- Natural consequences. 

Rags's picture

GTF out of our bedroom and do not come back until you have corrected the results of your failed parenting regarding the behavior of your failed former family breeding experiment.

No entry into my home by your prior poor choice to spawn and you will not have any of the benefits of being my DH until you fix it. PERIOD! D.O.T.


justmakingthebest's picture

I would not tolerate that. If I say hello and am ignored, I would turn off the TV, look at him again and say "I said Hello, the proper thing to do is to acknowledge my presence and say hello back. Then we might even have a minute of small talk and ask each other how they are doing. This is what humans that have been raised properly do. I won't tolerate your rudeness any longer." Take the remote and go to your room if he doesn't apologize. 

Then talk to your SO again and explain that you are done with his shitty kids shitty attitude. That this is your home and you are going to be comfortable in it, even if that makes the teenager VERY uncomfortable. 

ladybug1974's picture

even if we go to our neibours that are our great friends he does the same , its embarresing ,the younger one is staring to grab some of his bad habits too i can see it staring. 

Ispofacto's picture


This issue has come up on this forum a few times.  Authenticity is important to me, so I wouldn't want to force anyone to be faux friendly toward me.  I'd just ignore him right back.  And if you don't have a friendly relationship, don't cook, clean, transport, or gift him.


CLove's picture

Between your view and the view that shunning is unacceptable when in my home. When SD22 Feral Forger was doing visitation schedule, she would frequently shun me, but I made a point of at least saying hello and she would grunt in my direction. For the most part I just left her alone.

shamds's picture

It wasn't till i had been married 3 yrs that i told my husband i would not remain in a home with our 2 toddlers where their dad openly allows his adult son to shun us, emotionally abuse us and make home life so toxic. 

that it was clear hubby had no intentions of changing things, that he clearly had no respect for me or love us enough because allowing your adult son to remain in our home this way encourages and condones his behaviour

basically i told hubby divorce was our only option since he was incapable of change.

hubby banned his kid from returning for the next month. He didn't want him destroying the positive vibe in our home. 1 month later when he was coming back from university, my husband put the fear of god into his kid.

within an hour of him coming home, he was scrubbing and cleaning his toilet and bedroom, lost privileges to lock his bedroom door, hubby barged in any moment to check what he was doing. 

these fathers can do it, they can parent. They just need the fear of god and wife put into them and realise well if i treat my wife like this just to not upset ss, but i've now alienated my wife or she's left me and now my own kid is back to shunning me

strugglingSM's picture

I have a SS like this. He cried to DH that I'm "overly critical" of him because I told him he was being disrespectful for calling DH clueless and telling him to shut up. DH told him that I wasn't being critical, it's not okay for him to act like a whiny baby. The kid basically ignores me, but I also kind of ignore him because he is a whiny baby and always telling BM how mean I am and I'm over it. The thing is, the other SS also complains that his brother (whiny SS) whines all the time and I've heard him whining on the phone to his friends, so my being critical of him is going to be the least of his problems. BM has created this monster because she has convinced both kids they are the victim.