Is an wrong to be frustrated with how spoiled they are?
Hey everyone. I’m going to be as honest as possible, so minimal judgement please.
My partner has 2 kids, we’ve been together for 3 years and will be moving in together soon. They are aged 3 and 6.
I’m deeply concerned about them being spoiled, and I don’t know how to handle it without getting frustrated lately. My partner adores his kids, and he wants to be the best Father he can be, but I personally think he’s taking it a bit far. They get whatever they want, whenever they want. Literally. Despite being so young, they will stay up watching movies/playing games. If they want sweets and such at say for example, 11:30pm, they get it. They get taken to funhouses, theme parks, you name it, every weekend. Sometimes even weekdays.
Now im all for spoiling a child If you can safely afford it, but sadly it’s causing them to have awful attitudes. Whilst my partner encourages them to have manners, it rarely happens. The eldest will happily go through my bags when I get in to look for treats and presents. When ever they are told “No”, they typically react with “Are you kidding.” It’s that bad that they view it as a joke or a prank when they get told that they can’t have something.
The eldest has now starting bragging to everyone who has ears about everything her Daddy gets her. Very blatantly looking down on or mocking other kids for having less. If she wants something, instead of asking, she’ll whistle, click her fingers or just keep shouting what she wants, for example “More cake, NOW!” If she is ignored, she will storm up and scold us for not listening to her. And her Dad will apologise! The youngest isn’t quite at that point yet, but he throws incredibly violent tantrums if he doesn’t get his way.
Not only is all this insanely stressful, but it’s expensive for both of us and hard on the relationship. We’re supposed to be saving towards a home but he always “accidentally” buys them unnecessary things. It’s at the point where they expect the very best at all times. It’s got to the point now that no matter where we take them, they always say the same thing. “Is that it?”. I feel awful saying it but typically wherever they go, they usually are the worst behaved kids there. The eldest’s attitude is particularly bad. She has no manners, a great sense of entitlement and is painfully rude, to the point of flat out slapping people across the face if she doesn’t get what she wants immediately.
Now I will say that my partner has attempted to curb this behaviour. He does tell them off and frequently remind them about their manners, but a lot of the time, he’ll go back on his word regarding punishment. So I get the feeling they don’t respect him at all. Plus because he’s got two kids, he does struggle to handle them on his own so he often expects me to give up my weekends to help him take them out. If I tell him that I can’t afford it, or that I don’t have the energy, he acts like I’m letting him and them down. Which in a sense makes me angry because technically, I do have the right to say no to any days out without being made to feel like I’m not giving them enough.
I’ve tried to be more compassionate. My partner was abandoned by both his parents at a very young age which may affect his mindset. Plus their Mother’s involvement with them is little. She doesn’t take them out and more or less just tolerates them, but she makes it painfully clear that she has “better” things to do. My partner himself has admitted that they are spoiled and ungrateful, but that he’s compensating for the fact that their Mother doesn’t put any effort in. Which I understand, but I’m worried it will go too far in the long run.
I have told him my honest opinion, and whilst he somewhat agrees and often says he will put his foot down, it just doesn’t happen. Obviously I am not their parent, so I know I have no right to tell him how to raise his kids. However he often speaks about us having kids someday and as much as it pains me to say it, I don’t want my future child to have the kind of attitude his kids currently have. I believe in having fun, but I also believe in firm boundaries. If I found out my 3-6 year old was staying up all night eating ice cream, playing games and yelling for people like slaves until the early hours, I’d be mortified! But at the same time I feel like a bitch for getting so damn frustrated at them and my partner.
Has anyone else here been in a similar situation? And if so, how did you handle it?
Or am I just flat out in the wrong here and should be more respectful?
Please excuse my bluntness...
Please excuse my bluntness... but WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO MOVE IN WITH THIS MAN? GIRL, DO NOT.
The way he is (not) parenting is nothing short of terrible. It has already created little monsters. And just incase you don't know...their behavior will get worse.
Don't do this to yourself and future children.
In your shoes, I would have
In your shoes, I would have an honest conversation with my partner where I told him that I cannot live with the poor behavior, the entitled attitudes or the expense of his children being so spoiled. I would tell him that while I understand why he does it, I think he is doing them a disservice, and that if he doesn't stop giving them everything they want and start coming down on them for rude and entitled behavior, they will not have friends and they will likely fail to launch. And I would tell him that I could not move in with him until such time as he has his kids and their attitudes under control.
This is the type of conversation that could cost you the relationship. But really, you don't want to be in a relationship that revolves around spoiled, entitled, rude and unappreciative children.
If any kid thought they could click their fingers and
whistle to me to get what they want, they’d better sort that attitude and their dad. I’d be fuming if hubby ever thought that behaviour was excusable which is what your partner is doing because apologising for that behaviour is not addressing it.
heck i lost my shit with hubby when ss17 told daddy it was my job to clean his dirty dishes as woman of the house. My husband told him if was his and only his job to clean his dirty dishes
i am not any skids biatch to be ordered around ever
He's confusing "Being the
He's confusing "Being the Best Father He Can Be" with being "Fun Dad" and the kids always liking him. If he wants to be the best father he can be, he'd be enforcing rules, structure, and discipline. He'd be training them to be polite, respectful people who understand that other people have needs. He'd be helping them learn a good work ethic and to be responsible. Instead, he's training them to be entitled and rude and to think they are owed anything they want, immediately.
You are not wrong to be worried about how spoiled they are. Please don't move in until he understands his parenting responsibilities.
Wait! He expects you to pay
For the privilege of being around his rude obnoxious children by buying them things?
This is not right at all. They are his kids so his responsibility. Please stop being a part of this disfunction. Tell him why.
Spend some of your newfound freedom and get the book Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin. Them take a good hard look at what’s on offer here. As others pointed out, 6 becomes 16 then 26 and so on. With the serious entitlement these kids have now, it will only get worse as they grow up demanding MORE and their dad spends your household money on his little darlings’ fun times.
I have serious doubts this road will turn out well for you.
I Intentionally TRY NOT READ Other Responses Before Responding,
and that being said:
1.) DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THIS SPINELESS MAN
2.) If their own mother "tolerates" her kids, and has "better" things to do, so do you, and you owe no obligation to give up YOUR week-ends to care for his kids.
3.) He suffers from divorced daddy guilt, so he's made up his mind that being The Disney Dad will make up for the deficient parenting on thier BM's behalf.
4.) Look at the "Adult Step" section. You will quickly learn that many of the issues ladies are having with their DH's offspring are a direct result of divorced daddy guilt. It only gets worse when they "grow up."
5.) Do not even contemplate having kids with this fool. The chances of it being raised with these 2 and having none of these deficiencies are slim and none.
6.) Get out. You're single, intelligent, and a hot commodity. Find a man who has no baggage like yourself.
What exactly is it about this
What exactly is it about this failed father and man that you find attractive and motivates you to want to spend your life with him?
Have some self respect and self worth and boot this POS and his toxic crotch nuggets to the curb.
Care about yourself and do not pollute your life with he and his shallow and polluted gene pool.
smh
DONT MOVE IN
I cannot stress this enough! I am currently in a situation where i regret moving in with my other half because i cannot escape his spoilt child! If you disagree with how he parents, it'll only make it worse when you see it and can't remove yourself from the situation. You'll feel trapped. At least if you have your own place you get your own space to think and calm down and also make him realise how if he doesn't crack down on PARENTING himself then he'll be making a rod for his own back. I only wish i had thought it all through with my partner as it only makes it 10x worse when you see it, get annoyed and then can't escape it! Hope it all works out.