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16 year old non kid weekend

ladybug1974's picture

Hi so its a non kid weekend, the 16 year old didnt want to go away with the family to a lake , he wanted to stay home alone so his ex texted us to have him over for dinner . We have the weekend booked  like booked booked.  He wants to cancel plans so we can take him driving and make him burgers ect........................ may i ask why we have to do this as he decided to be weird and stay home and not go. Not work , not do anything all summer long, never goes away with them everytime they go somewhere. He chooses to be strange , why do we have to put our stuff aside to have him over sat ?  Im i wrong for asking him not to do this as we have the 9 and 16 year all weekend long next weekend ?  It is hard enough as it is to fit our lives into 2 weekends a month ( seeing my parents at 2 different places , taking care of our stuff ect .  advise please 


Winterglow's picture

You are quite right to refuse this - your weekend was fully booked and dh decided to cancel on a whim by his son. Ummm, no. So what if he doesn't want to go with his mother and her family? That's not your problem. It's HER problem and it's up to HER to find a solution. You are not her babysitters. IF you do this once, you'll be saddled with him again and again and again. Give them an inch and they take a mile.

This would be a hard NO! for me. 

hereiam's picture

This would be a hard NO for me, also.

Kid made his choice, now your husband wants to cater to him? Absolutely not.

And the ex had no business texting to tell you guys to have him over for dinner. If she was worried about him being alone, she should have made him go.

ladybug1974's picture

i also said you have to go im sorry , We will be gone for 5 days to a lake, you will like it omce we get there, you dont have a choise pack your bag we are leavinfg soon. 

ESMOD's picture

If you have plans.. like go out of town.. obligations to see other people.. event that you have a ticket to etc.. I agree that you should keep those kinds of plans.

If the plan for that evening was to be more just "chill at home".. even though you don't have much time to do that as it is.. I can see making a small adjustment to have the kid for dinner.. (all the other extras.. like him driving? not so sure about that).

I get that it's frustrating when other people try to torpedo our schedules.. but sometimes kid stuff will end up turning a parent's schedule upside down.  Now.. in this case.. I don't see cancelling firm obligations.. but if there is some wiggle room I would try to accomodate it.  

but yeah.. my parents would have put my butt in the car.. lol.

Rags's picture

So, don't fit him in.  A 16yo can legally drop out of school so that 16yo can figure out how to entertain, feed, etc... themselves.  Do not entertain him, do not adjust your plans because of him.

Keep it simple.

My DW called CPS regarding the living conditions of her then 15yo sister.  My IL's home was a health disaster.  No food, etc... MIL and FIL had moved across the state leaving SIL-15 home alone.

CPS told my wife that a 15yo could work, figure out how to get food, clean the house, etc.. and that they would not inspect or intervene.

SS-16 wants to not participate, leave him to figure it out.  Don't cater to him.

lieutenant_dad's picture

If BM is so worried, why doesn't SHE cancel HER plans since it's HER weekend???

Tell your DH he either comes with you or you go alone, and if you go alone, you'll be massively hurt and disappointed by him. I'd also tell him that you're not covering for him with others. If someone asks, you'll explain that BM refused to change her plans on her weekend so your DH ditched your weekend plans for her. 

strugglingSM's picture

They can certainly ask if he can come over on a non-weekend, but you aren't required to cancel or adjust existing plans. He'll just have to stay at BM's alone or find someplace else to go. If BM is concerned, she should change her plans.