Infuriated for DH (CS related)!!!
Is anyone familiar with CS in NJ? I'm trying to figure out if DH can be made to pay for BM's vacation (which was LAST summer) with their kids. At the request of their mediator, BM put together a list of her expenses. What she was supposed to do was put together a list of expenses she considers to be extraordinary, so that she and DH can negotiate the types of expenses he agrees should not be included in support.
Well, what she did was put together a list of her monthly expenses, within which she included all sorts of extraordinary expenses - like birthday dinners she threw for the girls in 2007 to which (of course) DH had no input and was not invited. She also included vacations that SHE took with the girls (and expects DH to pay for the two friends she allowed the girls to bring along!). She included all of these -- and more -- ridiculous expenses in her calculation to come up with her estimation that DH should be paying her over $1,000 more per month (he is already paying her over guidelines).
I am hoppin' mad for him. He is such a great father - and provides for his kids above and beyond what is "required" because he loves them and wants them to have what they need. But he doesn't want to keep forking over money to support BM's lavish lifestyle (expensive house, country club membership, expensive vacations, new cars, etc.).
Has anyone ever heard of the NCP being forced to pay for the kids' vacations with their other parent? (I should note that we take the kids on vacations as well). Sorry for the vent ... my blood is boiling.
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mediator
He needs to tell the mediator to get real or he will see them in court. He needs to offer what the law demands which is a percentage of his paycheck nothing more and nothing less. He is not going to have to pay more if he goes to court so why give in? Just so you know and always remember this: civil court is just like the criminal justice system, they charge it up and plea it down. They are going to ask for everything, but they know they aren't going to get it and hope to meet somewhere in the middle. I didn't look it up, but you can to find out the laws for your state. Remember they are counting on him giving in so she can have everything. He needs to ask the mediator what she is going to give up? Is BF getting a tax deduction for one of those kds? Is she going to pay for his vacation? He should not give in so easily so read the facts of the law and see what it says. How many kds involved?
As I understand it
We are going through CS calculations ourselves right now. As I understand it, if we went to court we could be ordered to pay CS, plus an additional amount to cover other expenses. So I'm not sure the base CS is all you are legally required to pay. I think it depends on the judge, the situation, etc.
http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/new_jersey/
http://www.njchildsupport.org/Article.asp?AID=95
Thanks, Sparky!
We did do the calculation according to the guidelines so we both feel that he is being more than fair. I just continue to be amazed at how greedy she is. He is already paying her $2K/month for 2 kids! And they go to public school!
He pays for her vacations in the CS
That was added added in as well. I know- it's a total crock of crap. DH's income is off the charts here in PA, so it was a 'guesstimate' and what BM and her lawyers were comfortable with. Here's what he pays for having the kids 50% of the time (and actually having oldest SD full time since April '07):
*over $4200/mo for the 3 girls
*ALL school expenses (3 private schools)
*ALL activities, fees, clothing, accessories included in
anything having to do with school or activities
*ALL medical expenses
Plus, when oldest SD started to drive we asked BM if she was going to 'go halves on a car'. Gee, guess what she said!
And now that oldest SD is going to college in the fall (50K/yr plus expenses) what do you think BM will be contributing?
A BIG FAT NOTHING!
But yes, CS included vacations- a fair percentage so the girls could go on vacation while at her house. But she hasn't taken them in over 3 years, because she tells them, "she doesn't have ANY MONEY" (BOO-friggin-HOO).
But she had money to take her NEW husband and her NEW daughter to WDW without the girls! How do you like that one????
What a money-grubbin' whore. Sorry- my blood always gets boiling on this topic!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
That's outrageous!
We live in PA as well, but BM lives in NJ (and that's where the divorce was done). My divorce agreement was done in PA - and I do pay support as well because I make more than my ex - even though I have the boys more than 50% (but at least I don't have to foot the bill for his vacations - jeez!).
In DH's case, I should mention that BM has a timeshare vacation property (which he gave her in the divorce - in exchange for nothing - free and clear). I am stunned by your situation. Does BM work at all? If you don't mind me asking, what is the income split percentage between the two of them? (In our situation, DH = 67% and BM = 33%).
BM does not work/never has
and LOVES to play the "I don't have a job, I'm helpless and you're the-big-bad-attorney-who-makes-all-the-money" card.
So the percentage goes DH=100% BM=0%
Oh, she TRIED to work. For about 3 months part-time last year(about 15 hours a week) but it was too hard. Cry me a frickin' river.
Yet, she went on to pop out another puppy and doesn't seem to have any problems supporting THAT kid. Or her new husband who has a crappy job, or her new husband's kid from a previous relationship...oh wait...she doesn't have to...MY DH DOES.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
is there anything that can
is there anything that can be done? I'm in the same boat, and we want to get custody of SD b/c her BM is too busy breeding with her new husband (child #2 in 3 yrs) to work even her part time job bagging groceries, and he works a crappy nothing job, meanwhile SD has to wait a week until BF's next visitation to get her $10 ASTHMA inhaler filled, b/c the $1000 a month he pays in child support isn't enough to get the perscription filled....
if you had custody in your situation, would she have to pay CS even if she didn't have a job? Can the court COMPEL her to work to support her kid? I don't even care if she doesn't give us a dime, we can provide for SD, but she's fighting US for custody of SD because she can't lose the only real paycheck coming into her house (BF's child support!)....
we're just waiting it out
oldest SD turns 18 in August. She finally agreed (with no lawyers invloved) to lower it for just the 2 girls to $3600/mo- still ridiculous, but at least it's something at this point.
Then, in 21 months, middle SD will be 18 and by that time, we're hoping the youngest SD is already living with us FT. She's already hinting that she wants to do it, just like the oldest SD did. And when she does, you can bet DH is cutting BM off 100% there and then!
I'm like you- I really don't want a dime from her if youngest SD came to live with us. All I want is for BM to GET what she REALLY deserves- absolutely nothing. She's used the CS all along to support her, her miscreant husband, his daughter, and their new kid. The CS was RARELY used for his girls- and that just makes me sick. Talk about entitlement.
She truly feels entitled to his money. Still...to this day. It's disgusting.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
5teens ... you win the prize!
You have a worse situation than me ... I will quit my incessant whining and be happy that DH only pays $2k/month!
OH BOY! Where's my trophy?
Not quite the 'prize' I was looking to win here.
MY prize will come on the day the LAST CS check is written!
On that day, DH is going to drive over to the lazy witch's house and personally hand deliver it to her. And I will be there, too- with a BIG smile on my face- standing by his side.
That will be a good day!
By the way, I think anyone who has to pay CS to a woman who does not use it for their children but instead uses it to selfishly fund their own lazy lifestyle (as if it were alimony) has a RIGHT to bitch and complain!
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
Haha ... well thank you!
BM just wrote back to DH's questioning of some of the expenses she was listing in her budget (back to the whole mediation exercise). For example, she listed her MONTHLY car insurance to be $1,900. All told, it turns out she made a $4,000 (yes that's THOUSAND) error in her monthly household expenses! So, according to her OWN accounting, DH should be paying her $1,400 per month - not $2,000. And that is without even arguing over the inclusion of the "super sweet 16 party" expenses (which she allowed DH not input into), her vacations with the skids, etc.
Not that DH would ever go back and try to reduce support (he agreed to what he thought was fair - and I totally support him in that), but it is NICE TO KNOW that our suspicion that BM was not spending nearly all of the support money on the skids is actually valid!
Maybe that will make her think twice the next time she starts nickel-and-diming him over some minor expense. Probably not -- but here's hoping!
Thanks for sharing your story - I love to hear them. This site is fantastic.