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At what point is getting picture messages of kids from the ex too much?

JoannaBelle's picture

My SKids are 10 years old. The ex has been extremely nasty towards my husband and I for several years and counting. To the point where all logistics are handled via e-mail to avoid drama and the he said/she said at courts. Even then she’s abused e-mail to name call my husband and I and to constantly argue about anything and everything. A line of communication has to remain open for emergencies with SKids or an urgent Situation. The ex does not understand this she used to blast my husbands phone 24/7 over anything. Even if he never responded messages kept coming in at all times of the day. Until 3 years ago it switched over to e-mail and phone call/text only if it’s an emergency/urgent situation with the SKids. During this time she’s been sneaky has tried to send my husband messages on text thinking he wouldn’t share it with me about her personal struggles/problems. Fortunately, my husband has told me when it’s happened. She recently started to send my husband pictures of the SKids on a constant basis he don’t respond to her but I don’t know how much is too much or actually necessary. The kids have their own tablets/phones and apps that they call/text my husband on and they are 10 so idk how to feel about it. Sometimes I feel like she’s trying to open up that door again to get to my husband and blow up his phone about everything like she used Too. Like I said e-mail is still there but she chooses to randomly text my husband pics of the SKids and is starting too more regularly. What would you guys do in my situation?

JoannaBelle's picture

I think that’s probably the best option! It’s hard to ignore it sometimes just want to tell her to knock it off but that only adds more wood to the fire.

strugglingSM's picture

I would just ignore her. Let her send the pics and not get a response.

BM in my case is the same way and nearly two years ago, they moved to contact in writing only. Most of her communication is still nasty, but she'll periodically send a friendly text about the kids or a picture of the kids, which I always find odd. If I were my DH, I'd be completely unsettled by someone who oscillated between the extremes of being completely nasty and completely nice.

My DH ignores BM. He doesn't send her pictures of the kids when they are with him and doesn't respond when she sends him a picture.

JoannaBelle's picture

I’m sorry it sucks so much to be in this situation at times I totally relate to you !! Yes they tend to never let go and completely move on. Yes so wishy washy can go from saying a thank you to completely blasting us with court docs for more money.!

Anna21's picture

This woman sounds like she enjoys drama and doesn’t want to let go. Don’t fuel her fire and ignore the texts. When she continues to be ignored the fun for her will be lost and she hopefully will give up.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Ignore her. The older the kids gets, the LESS communication is needed...not more.

Tell him keep it simple. Only reply to emails that need to be replied too.

Ispofacto's picture

Receiving text messages with data costs more than plain text messages. I bet some phones/plans have an option to disable media from some or all of your messages. But then if she needs to send him a pdf of a doctor note or something it may not go thru. I'd investigate this.

oneoffour's picture

Ignore the photos. Their mother wants to maintain a presence in his life. She is just an annoyance and is like a Chihuahua jumping up and down saying me me me me me! By ignoring her photos will eventually get the message through that he isn't interested in her photos.

But then just because your SKids are 10 doesn't make it their responsibility to communicate solely with their father. Prior to cell phones what happened then? They are minors and should be treated as such and are not responsible for maintaining a relationship or notifying their father. Consider this, if one of these kids were in a serious accident would you really care who got in touch with DH? And would you rely on a 10 yr old to contact DH or an adult?

JoannaBelle's picture

The line of communication is open for urgent and emergency situations. I don’t have a problem with that scenario you mentioned. She got in touch with him because one of the kids smashed their hand and needed to get it checked out at doctors she sent pics I don’t mind that situation. What I find somewhat strange is her need of sending random photos of the kids randomly to my husband with her history with us that I explained above.

101Stepmom101's picture

Same thing here. She would send pictures of the kids eating cheerios or putting together legos. DAILY
They kids always looked so annoyed in the pictures like ~ "REALLY MOM?"
Plus selfies of her with the step kids ~ AS IF my husband wanted to see pictures of that WHORE.

It's to get attention and insert herself in your lives.
If he doesn't respond she texts "DID YOU GET THE PICTURES?"

He does his best to ignore her. She still doesn't give up...
I would understand of they were milestone pictures ~ but they are not ... they are a not daily reminder to him
"Here's what your missing daily ~ because I wanted to be a whore and sleep with your best friend and you wouldn't put up with it"

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

That's when he needs to shut off his phone. She'll get the hint. Eventually. Hopefully.

Ispofacto's picture

If he wants it to stop, he has to ignore it 100% of the time.

I will post about Intermittent Reinforcement in another thread, because it is the reason psycho exes persist, kids act like brats, people become addicted to bad relationships, and kids become obsessively bonded to the abusive parent.