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Step kid horror.. please help.

step_nightmare's picture

I've been with my fiance for 5 years. He has 2 kids which he has full custody of since the mother abandoned them almost 10 years ago. One boy age 12 next month and one daughter age 9.. she'll be 10 in Oct. I don't live with them at the moment..and to be honest i don't know if i want to again. Both kids wet the bed every single night! Then they sit in it all day since there are no bed sheets on their bed, the urine soaks into the matress. What baffles me is they don't find anything wrong with the bed wetting..and neither does their father. He says they'll grow out of it. I stay with them on weekends and the smell coming from their room is horrendous! Living space is very small for time being. It smells of an adult soiled diaper. Both kids also don't use toilet paper. SD was walking around with a poop stain all day last time i was there. She's too busy bossing her brother around and breaking everything in sight to care about poop on her. SS also doesn't wipe, going through puberty, and smells horrible if he doesn't shower daily. I can't stand to be next to him when he smells of BO. My fiancee doesn't seem to have any problem with any of this and he gets upset with me when i tell him i cannot stand the smell. He had his daughter sleep in his bed the day before I came and she peed on the sheets, blankets, and the pillows stunk! I cannot live in that filth. I have to get drunk while there to be able to sleep. SD is in 3rd grade and cannot speak correctly.. it's extremely hard to understand her. She also can't spell. She failed 2nd grade but was still let go to 3rd grade. She's currently failing 3rd grade as well. I never ever see either child do homework. They both rip apart all their toys..12 year old still plays with stuffed animals and dog toys! He's about 60 lbs overweight and his father tells him it's all muscle. It's definitely not! My fiance is constantly defending all their bad behavior and making everything everyone else's fault. His daughter failed 2nd grade and it's her teachers fault according to him. I've asked the kids to please not walk all over SO bed which i sleep in as well. They walk on the floor then track it all over the bed.. it's sickening. But fiance wants ME to sit a specific way on the bed to prevent the kids from walking all over it. Why can't he just ask them to not put their dirty feet on the pillows?? His daughter thinks it's cute to steal.. because she told me this. They live with their grandfather and she steals money from him often. Last week she took $200.. it's eventually found and given back. SO buys them everything and all they do is break everything they have. Both kids got their 4th tablet for Christmas..guess how long the tablets lasted..1 month!! Now they are asking for Iphones! Finance spends all this money on them when they aren't even doing the right thing. It upsets me more because my current ring was only $25..yet he wastes on new electronics which are destroyed in days. I don't understand and I'm at the end of my rope. I hate going there.. I can't stand how filthy and irresponsible his kids are. Whenever i talk to my fiance about his kids, he'll get upset and turn the argument into something wrong i did in the past. SD has also killed all our house pets..birds, ferret, bunny. I don't know what's wrong with them. They aren't babies anymore but they won't grow up! The kids are ruining my relationship because all they do is cause problems. I try to help but the kids don't want to be bothered with anything but games games games! My 4 year old nephew is more mature than those 2 combined. Please help..i need advice on what i can do. I love my fiance​ but his kids make me miserable and cause us to argue.

hereiam's picture

My fiancee doesn't seem to have any problem with any of this

That is not a man that I would want to be with.

You say the kids are ruining your relationship but take a good hard look at their father. It sounds like he is the filthy, irresponsible one, they are just following his example.

Tuff Noogies's picture

*snaughling* "if nothing will count you out, urine."

THAT comment gets the blue ribbon today. Biggrin Biggrin Biggrin

ESMOD's picture

If I wasn't already married.. But both MY SD's are grown.. and launched with good jobs and financially independent. OOOHHH how I miss those early years.

Seriously? :?

ESMOD's picture

Yeah Girl.. your DH is a peach in comparison Wink !

This site really makes us realize that some people truly have a cross to bear.

ESMOD's picture

I :jawdrop: think you maybe misunderstood my message. I was agreeing with you. :?

I meant that it sounds like while I agree your DH may have some issues.. at least he isn't turning his home into a bio-hazard site!

Yeah.. and no, my life isn't perfect, but I have helped to launch two stepkids out of the house who are at 19 and 22 fully self sufficient and leading fulfilling lives... so there is THAT.

Harry's picture

You know the way I feel, there is no excuse for urine soaked mattress. He lets them pee in your bed !!!! Once something major wrong with this guy... nothing is going to get better with kids, be cause your SO is not in his right mind.
I never said that there are perfect people out there, or I am perfect, I am not I make many mistakes. But this would never happen with me. Had to get drunk to lay in a urine soaked bed next to my SO

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

So for 5 years, you've sat by and watched as this man raises his kids in filth? You never thought, hey maybe something should be done about this? I don't care how much I liked a guy, if he lived like this, I'd be calling CPS on his as*. That is disgusting.

The saddest part is you blame the kids. Trust me, if this is real, these kids are like this because their FATHER taught them to live like this.

ESMOD's picture

My DH has a nephew who recently married a girl who I believe was raised (and I use the term loosely) a bit like this.

The boy is a little challenged mentally.. has some learning disabilities, but is employed.. though deals with some substance abuse issues (DUI.. some small time drug use too in the past).

Well, they live in squalor.. don't have sheets on their mattress. Have dogs and birds living in their space with no cages.

They both end up with boils etc.. and my MIL wrings her hands and tries to tell them that they should be taking better care to live more cleanly.. but it falls on deaf ears.

The girl he married is a complete whiner who can't do anything.. really doesn't know how. Appears to be raised by wolves with few manners etc. She is not a bad person, but no parenting happened and no one ever taught her how she should behave and live. Sad really.

ESMOD's picture

They sell linens at the goodwill.. practically no excuse to not have some on your bed.

Look, we all I am sure have days where we have to make do... wear our 3rd string undies or sleep on the mattress when the other sheets are in the wash, but it isn't a daily thing.

I know that part of the nephew's issue is that they didn't have easy access to laundry facilities and so they didn't have the means to do laundry a lot.

But, tax refund last year.. went to buy 6 birds.. so it must be universal. lol.

hereiam's picture

So, as far as BM is concerned, dried urine is okay? Gross.

And then, people used those towels? :sick:

Willow2010's picture

You know…across the nation, it has been spring break last week and this week for schools. Just saying….

Acratopotes's picture

you have wasted 5 years of your life, 5 years you will never get back...

stay with your fiance if you want to make that 10 years or longer, if not... run like the wind.
I can't believe you lived 5 years like this, I would've left after day 1

Itsybitsy's picture

END THE RELATIONSHIP!!!!! Things will not get better if he doesn't even see that there is a problem. He will never choose you over his kids, and if you're already feeling this way and you don't live with them you need to end things before it's too late.

lala-land's picture

Is this for real????? If this is true, then send CPS the letter you posted here and get yourself out of there.