It was all good until they became adults
Hi everyone, this is my first post so please bear with me if I get the abbreviations wrong. I met my stepkids when they were 7 and 12 and they are now 24 and 29. The older one is my SD and the younger one my SS. When I met them they took to me right away which was wonderful. When my husband and I married I started to love them like my own. At one point my husband got custody and at that time they were not (still not) getting along with the bm. I never had any problems with them, even during the dreaded teenage years Little did I know the worst was to come later. SD started getting a little sassy with me after she finished college. I learned to pretty much avoid confrontation with her and we have a civil relationship. When my SS was in his second year of college he got into a really expensive school. We were not in a financial position to send him there but he pleaded with us to send him and the condition was he would repay us any money that we had to borrow to send him there. Well he graduated last May and just this month we asked him to start paying us back. Since I am the one taking care of the finances I sent him a summary of what we borrowed on his behalf 28,000, and asked that he send us 300 a month plus the cost to cover his cell phone which we have been paying for all this time. He told us fine. Then he called up his ss and told her that I am being too demanding, that he is just starting out and that I should give him a break, he told her that it was because of me he has to pay off the loan my husband and I made and basically called me the evil stepmother. My daughter told me that I am being unreasonable to even ask him to pay for his phone and to stop being so demanding. That kid is making almost as much as my husband and I combined. I was stunned and hurt by all of this. I had no idea that he felt this way about me. I know this sounds terrible but I almost wish I didn't agree to send him to school there. During the time he was in school I came down with an infection and my kidneys failed, even with that I kept on going to work because that would be less money we'd have to borrow and he'd have to pay back. We also went without so we could avoid borrowing more money. Thank goodness our financial advisor told us not to take out money from our 401k's to pay for school because we would have. I have always had nothing but good intentions for both of them. Well I don't know what to make of this. My husband is going to talk to SS and tell him that if he wasn't happy with the monthly payments or has any issues with paying us back he should talk to us, not his sister and he is behind me that the money needs to be paid back. But the damage is already done. I love my husband and still love and wish the best for the stepkids but I no longer want to deal with them.
Boy, that is so true, isn't
Boy, that is so true, isn't it: "When push comes to shove, and steps do not like an outcome, in this instance paying back his LOAN, it automatically becomes the evil SM's fault." And, what's worse, even if his dad confronts him and says that this is what you all agreed to, years from now SS will be telling his kids that his dad and his dad alone provided that money for him to go to school, dad (of course) didn't expect any payback, but evil SM sent him a note demanding payment and tried to get it back, and how dare she. . . .
This is why you have to do what works for you, because no matter what you do, you are wrong and wind up with the short end of the stick. What is that saying? If you please yourself, at least one person is happy?
Well first off, stop paying
Well first off, stop paying for his phone.
Have your DH handle notifying
Have your DH handle notifying SS that the loan is to be repaid. They can renegotiate the monthly amount if necessary.
Contact an attorney if necessary and follow steps to ensure you have record of the debt. If necessary if he ever buys a house and has not paid you back then put a lien against the house. That is a lot of money that needs to be repaid.
Never ever loan skids money.
Notify SS that as of the next bill due on his cell you are removing him from your plan and he must contact the phone provider to transfer it to his own account. Do not extend paying for his phone past this cut off date. Let him know you mean business.
If he is making such a good income then perhaps he can take a personal loan to pay you back all at once. Either way DH should deal with the issue and just let you know what is being done or hand you the check each month to record the payments. Have SS set it up electronically if possible so it is automatic each month.
Why didn't this kid just take
Why didn't this kid just take out a loan to begin with? I think he honestly thought you would just let it go. "Oh honey...here's your graduation present! "
Definitely cut the phone off. He is out of college and has no excuse. I turned off my daughter's phone while she was in college because she was disrespectful. She survived.
I imagine that since you
I imagine that since you wrote that YOU and DH borrowed $28k, that YOU BOTH are in the process of paying it back right now, or have you paid it back already? When you borrow money, typically there is interest that is paid also. Your SS got a really great deal - that's the amount of a car payment. I do not know the situation, but if you are still paying the money back, he needs to give some money, or your credit will be affected negatively.
If not, then DH needs to do 3 things: 1. transfer phone bill to SS. Pronto. He doesn't need much notice if he is making that kind of money, unless he got himself into credit card debt and has a car loan. Sounds like a selfish lad. But 2. DH needs to talk to SD - let her know the situation, the terms, and that she needs to stay out of it. 3. DH needs to step up to the plate, and get some loan repaid. At least start with SOMETHING. If SS knows about the kidney failure, well that just makes him look like a real jerk. A real user. Stay out of it, but make sure that DH gets your 28k back!!!
Good luck!