Not very happy at all

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I have been married to my husband for 3 years and had known him 4 years prior. He has a son, who went I first meet him and for the first 3 months of marriage I loved. I now HATE my SS, he refuses to listen, refuses to do as his told, refuses to go to bed, refuses to shower, acts stupid when it comes to homework. IT never ends! I have grown to hate my husbands kid so much that I no longer want a kid of my own. The sooner I hit menopause the better. My husband works so I am stuck with the kid most of the time. My husbands family refuses to teach the kid manners and refuses to enforce what I say. I tell it to do something for school they tell it that it can play on the computer instead. Gee who you think its going to listen to? The kid is 10 YEARS OLD! 10 years old and its been babied so much guess who sleeps in mine and my husbands room? That's right the 10 year old. Its bedtime is 8:30 pm So I have to turn everything off and be quite from then on but guess who stays up and plays with the wall? That's right the kid. I tell it about 10 times a night to go to sleep it says "okay" and goes back to playing with the wall. it is also so babied by everyone but me that I have to excuse myself if I need to go to the bathroom after bed time, since it can't be left alone. It use to be a real sweet kid, now when its my husbands week I am always in a bad mood, and can't stand the kid anymore. It makes my husband upset because he even told me that one of the reasons he agreed to marry me was because I had agreed to help him with his kid. This was back when the kid was not a BRAT. I love my husband and he is amazing but the brat gah I hate the brat.

Wow... I'm amazed at how many

Wow...

I'm amazed at how many people fight for custody just to leave the kid with some poor second spouse.

So your DH got a free nanny, maid and chauffeur for his child, and you don't even get to sleep in your own bed?

So much to unravel here, I'm not sure where to start, lol! One thing to remember, you're supposed to support the bio parent while he parents... you're not supposed to be doing all the parenting.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Go back to school or get a job... you will be much happier than staying at home. If you don't want your own kid, why are you at home? It's because you're at home that you're the unpaid nanny.
2. Let DH get the kid some after school care. Sounds like this kid needs help with Math. Get him into an extreme learning center to do his homework and his math--I mean DH wants him to succeed right?
3. Get involved in something on the weekends too. I'm sure you have a mom, aunt or friend who needs help because they're unwell. What about that charity you're involved in? What about that physical therapy you need? Find something and get out of there.
4. Go stay with that aunt/grandmother/friend who needs help, for at least a week. So that you can do some soul searching, find some sanity, and make a plan. Sounds like DH needs more quailty time with your SKID and he needs the gift of missing you. Then stall coming home until DH promises to get SKID out of your bedroom--because gosh, it's just so comfortable sleeping in your own room, it's hard to give that up.
5. Look up the disengaging essay, read it, print it, tattoo it on your forehead.

The good news is, that once you start making these changes, if you stick to your guns, you'll be able to turn this around pretty quickly.

I had a minor slip today where I offered to pick up one of the SIDS from school, and BAM! it turned into taking him here and there after school, so I retracted my offer.

Good luck!

thank you for your reply but

thank you for your reply but we can not afford for me to go back to school or for someone to take care of the kid to where I could get a job. He was also in an after school program where they helped with homework and stuff and the kid got kicked out of it. Also back when I first meet my husband I would have loved to have had a child with him, but with all the stress and frustration of trying to raise his kid the baby ship sailed away and I don't think you could pay be enough to want one of my own now

Do you live with husband's

Do you live with husband's family? Just curious as to why they seem to have say between school work or computer time and why it's their job to teach manners.

we use to live with his

we use to live with his family but they made me so depressed that we ended up moving out. Until me and my husband got married him and his son lived with his family so for about 4-5 years they helped raise his son, they should have thought him manners *such as cover your mouth when you cough, and close your mouth when you eat* because they never thought him basic manners he refuses to listen to me, so guess who got sick from someone coughing all over them even after I told them to cover their mouth. me

The boy is about to hit

The boy is about to hit puberty. In fact, I am sure he already has some fantasies and thoughts. Does your husband really want him to hit puberty in your bed? Next to you?? If so, please consider a divorce because you just simply don't deserve it. If your husband doesn't want it (which is my hope) then he needs to put his foot down and TODAY insist that from now on the boy sleeps in his own bed. HE can cry all he wants, but he is not 2 any more and it is way beyond the time he needs to be sleeping in his room, in his own bed. I suggest you say it to your husband just like that. This issue is just a common sense. It is not even about you being unhappy, which is my next point.

It sounds like you have been unhappy for a while. If your husband at all cares about you being happy, he should hear the truth: you have been unhappy for a while, the kid is out of control, you are unable to afford going back to school and can't even go to work and develop yourself professionally because of the horrible kid who can't even do out of school program. Something needs to change and quickly before you get to a point where you will break. If he at all cares, he will not want you to break or continue to be unhappy. You should be able to work. It is insane that you can't. A 10 year old should be able to come home from school and spend time alone if he has to before parents come back home. Or at least go over to a friend's house and hang there until you or your husband come back from work. The kid needs a social worker and behavioral therapy if he is unable to behave in his after school program. Your school needs to work with you on the issue. You need to make it clear that you are unhappy, that things must change, and make it clear as what changes you need to see in oder to feel better.

If your husband throws a fit, I would seriously think about leaving. I know it is hard, but it is his child. And its unfair to dump the parenting on you. What would he do if he was alone? Geeez! Good luck!

Yeah one can because some

Yeah one can because some kids can be incredibly frustrating. Especially kids whose parents don't parent them. Someone on here calls her skid Fungus. And guess what? I am not at all judging

There is a difference between

There is a difference between snarky nicknames and dehumanizing a child to the point of "IT."

I personally don't see a

I personally don't see a difference. Derogatory is derogatory no matter what word is used. And sometimes i hate other people's children. Often time their children are not angels their parents think they are. Often parents are delusional and need to get a grip.

Regardless, do not judge others. That is always the best approach

I think the difference is the

I think the difference is the history of the poster. We know why Sally chose the nickname Fungus. We know how the girl has behaved and why she deserves the name.

We do not know all of your history and only have your original post to go by. From what you have described, the child does not seem to rise to the level of being called "It."
Much of his behavior stems from his Father not parenting, not because the kid is inherently bad.

As far as judging others - isn't that what you are doing when you say some parents are delusional?

Point. Okay, I'm waving my

Point. Okay, I'm waving my hands in the air like I'm in a Southern revival meeting. " ... the real root of the problem is the man at the center of the situation."

In my case, SO's parenting style or rather "roadkill" style of parenting has caused troubles, which is why I am here. Calling a stepkid, "It" just smacked of dehumanizing beyond the more typical rage/anger and despair. Also, SGK-12 and BS-14 are both working papers on racism and subjugating other humans, so perhaps this struck me more strongly.

What the heck. My SD is in jail currently on felony probation violation and the three SGK's are shagging over to the jail every week to visit her. The only stones in my bucket were because OP reduced children to less than cognizant, sentient humans.

I know this is serious, but I

I know this is serious, but I couldn't help but laugh at Fungus.

On the serious side, this is where step parents come to vent. Treat it as such.

Just wait til you meet Sally.

Just wait til you meet Sally. (Fungus' SM, or not-so-stepmom)

There is a big difference

There is a big difference between a somewhat derogatory nickname and referring to the child as "It." Does your DH know you refer to his child as "It?" If you honestly think of the child as less than human then you should not be parenting him in any way.

The child is 10, he is in school all day. Why can't you get a job during the hours he is in school?

I have to ask - what does "playing with the wall entail?" Does this happen before you join him in bed or while you are all in bed together. What does your DH think of this?

You know I did not do it on

You know I did not do it on purpose, but I found that I referred to SS30's baby as an it in my recent posts. It was subconscious - but probably a left over from when she was pregnant and we did not know what "it" was. But I've also not met the baby nor do I intend to.

I know I am not talking about OP - but I've found that I often forget what sex a baby is when I've never seen it. I sometimes remember that a friend has a new grandbaby, but I'll forget which one of her children had the baby or what sex it is. I realize that it's a HUGE deal to the new parents and grandparents - but it's just sort of peripheral information to me.

Now I do not refer to someone's grandchild as "it", but I will use gender neutral words like grandchild rather than granddaughter or grandson.

So don't be there during DH's

So don't be there during DH's weeks. Go to school, spend time volunteering, not your kid, not your problem so to speak. As for sleeping in your room NO!. Not now, not ever.

Tell DH the kid no longer sleeps in your marrital bedroom and if he does not make it happen immediately that you will be staying in a hotel on DH's credit card during Skid weeks.

If you have no authority, take all of the authority you need and inject some control into the situation. If you do nothing to correct it, it will not change. It being the situation not the kid. Though I completely get the "It" label. Some people do not raise children worthy of anything more. Fortunately even toxic spawn eventually gain some modicum of tolerability in many cases.

I don't blame the kid, I blame the parents.

Time to stand up for

Time to stand up for yourself. That also means being responsible for yourself. Get a job or go to school. Yes, it is possible. You will feel better about yourself and will have more options for being independent.

Tell your DH there will be no more co-sleeping. Stop looking to in laws to raise SS or teach him manners. That's your DH'S job.

You're the unpaid help.

You're the unpaid help. You're not a wife by any definition I know of. You can only be a doormat if you lay on the stoop with your tongue out.

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