I cant Stand or Tolerate my SD
I met my wife a few years ago while deployed and came home to her after a few months and with all the communication we had and similarities etc etc it was a no brainer I was falling for this woman. She told me she had a daughter (2 at the time) and she broke up with her ex when she was almost 1 but lied to me about messing around with him a few months before we met. Her ex was 25 and she was 18 in high school when they met and she said she forgot to take her bc and ended up pregnant and chose against an abortion for moral reasons even though she told me she was very unattracted to him and was only with him because she didnt want to live at home anymore. Needless to say I dont like the guy for trapping her and being a weirdo. My wife is very attractive and I still havent the slightest clue as to what she was doing with him.. So like always the case I fell in love with her not her kid so that whole "its a package deal" is annoying. I truly look at her daughter as a mistake and at times cant stand looking at her because of some similarities to him and realizing my wife threw away a chunk of her life and future for this kid. Id give anything to have met her 5 years prior. I cant stand her from her annoying laugh to her annoying excited shreks. Her daughter is a spoiled ungrateful whiny little brat. She cries about anything! once because she stepped on a toy.. a teddy bear... She is almost 5 yet she moves like she is 2. I kid you not.. like she has arthritis in her legs or something. Most of my hiding from her and ignoring has happened because of recent events. On her birthday I went to take a photo with her and she looked at me like I abuse her and put her shoulder up to ignore me or something so I walked away. Another time when I picked her up from her weekend visitation she was screaming I want my daddy and was grabbing for him and of course that moron was loving every second of it. Mind you this girl would call me daddy from time to time. She also does this to my wife when she picks her up. She has a great home here. No abuse normal discipline and plenty of toys and care. But she gives me attitude and makes me feel like trash when I try and say something even nice things to her. I never yell even in any little arguements with my wife. If anyone yells and hits anyone that would be my wife to me who treats me like some expendable pos. She has left me a few times and stayed at her exes parents one time. Her daughters cry is the worst annoyance ever and I hate the fact my wife is forced to give all her love, affection and sympathy to this kid. My wife hasnt worked in over a year. I do and I support the household. I used to tolerate this kid but I truly cant stand her. Everyone thinks shes cute and treats her like she wasnt a mistake.. obviously. I want my own child and family. I used to play with her take her places etc but I have zero desire to recently. We once took her to disney on ice and for whatever reason she was very annoyed that day and when leaving started screaming I want my daddy and when my wife took her to the bathroom she punched my wife in the face. I will not love her the same as my own child. My wife is a total different woman when she isnt here. She is happy and carefree, and when she comes back its like a gloom comes over us. Before me my wife didnt have visitations set up or child support in place but i wasnt about to tolerate him taking advantage of my wife. I hate when they play together because i just feel like an outsider and my wife act like im insane if i mention a little bit of how im feeling. i feel crazy for feeling this way but i know im not the only one!
Thank you for your
Thank you for your service!!!
I would say your feelings are normal, justified. She is only five though. If your wife is with you, you have to put the other guy behind you. It is what it is, you entered into a step relationship and hopefully in time it will get better. It sounds like you spend to much time thinking of the girls father. Let it go. It's not her fault.
While I do not know your sd, I married when my own sd was 4. she never acted like that towards me, or her stepfather with her biological mother. I am guessing that for whatever reason...just maybe, bio dad is putting things in her head, or saying things in front of her. You said that your wife at one time did not have visitation? Perhaps she is closer to her father.
She is not a mistake, unplanned perhaps, but nobody is a mistake. I hope things can work out for you, I do think you should try harder. Baby steps. As step parents we are not expected to love our skids, but work on your hatred for the girls father. Let it go.
If by chance her father is letting her know what your role is, or isn't, there is nothing you can do to control the conversations that take place while she is in his care. She will eventually learn the truth.
She may very well sense that you do not like her...
Thank you for your response
Thank you for your response and input! I agree with it all! My wife has always had her living with her it was when I came into the picture her bio dad started to show interest in her.
Hi mp13, I don't think you
Hi mp13,
I don't think you are wrong for having these feelings. I am dealing with similar drama (in terms of thinking about the bio father and harboring hate/dislike for him). It's like a personal hell.
One thing you said struck a chord with me. You said: "I never yell even in any little arguements with my wife. If anyone yells and hits anyone that would be my wife to me who treats me like some expendable pos." You mentioned earlier in your post that your wife was only with the other guy because she didn't want to live at home anymore. Hate him as you may, she kind of used him, especially if she wasn't attracted to him. Maybe she didn't "forget" to take her BC, but intentionally got pregnant as some means of security. I don't know, and my take on it is certainly not meant to be an insult to your wife. I'm just looking at it objectively.
If she yells at you like you're expendable, maybe she doesn't respect you enough. The fact that she's with you proves that the bio dad was expendable. Maybe that's how she looks at men. Again, don't know, just food for thought.
Thank you for your input! And
Thank you for your input! And she cheated on him being she got pregnant. She told me she cried every night after she found out she was pregnant. I don't think she did it on purpose but clearly had bad influences around her
Maybe he thought he'd get
Maybe he thought he'd get more replies under the step father section, or maybe he didn't like the responses he got on his blog.
Exactly. Wanted some male
Exactly. Wanted some male perspective
Wait - SHE forgot to take her
Wait - SHE forgot to take her BC. SHE decided to keep the child. And HE is the one who "trapped" her?
Newsflash - kids can be annoying. Even your own kids. But from how you write about this little girl? *I* wouldn't be friendly to you, either. Whether I was 5 or the 50 I'm about to turn. Who's the whiney little brat again?
Please - divorce your wife, find someone w/o kids, and get snipped.
Ok dude. Ill.go do that dude.
Ok dude. Ill.go do that dude. You took time out of your life to post that. Wow you clearly have nothing in your life. Thanks for the input though dude!
she may be a rotten brat, i
she may be a rotten brat, i won't doubt that. but the mistake was your wife's. she is the one who allowed herself to get pregnant. the kid had nothing to do with it. she didn't ask to be here. she had no say at all. so holding her existance against her is just plain wrong.
OP, your issues are with your
OP, your issues are with your wife.
Your anger is misguided when directed at the child. The child doesn't sound like she's responsible for any of your issues.
If you want your wife to work and support HER child, stop doing it. She's only a SAHM because you allow her.
Your wife chose this child. She got pregnant and she kept the child.
I was a teen mom with a very unplanned pregnancy... believe me, the responsiblity for that situation rests solely on my shoulders.
Your probably right. Thanks
Your probably right. Thanks for your input!
You wonder why she does not
You wonder why she does not like you.. You are harboring some serious hate towards your SD. I know you do not have to love the child but how can you be so vial towards an innocent. Yes you can say you are not bad or cruel but you do understand being indifferent can be worse. Plus as you seem to harbor this hate can you not see it would bleed into your daily interactions.
To be honest if your wife said she stayed with a guy for a house. Then does not work and help support the family... Yeah dude she is using you. You say she is abusive towards you as well? You can't stand her child. I mean honestly man why are you even there????