I have a least favourite ... is this ok???
So my partner has three children ... 5, 2 & 1, and all girls! He & his ex split not long after finding out she was pregnant with the third so we started our relationship when he had a baby on the way, must admit it's not something I would recommend just for peoples sanity tbh. Anyway after what seemed like a never ending legal battle he & the kids are now in a good place and after a year I have now been introduced as we did want to wait and see if we were going to last never mind adding sk to the scenario.
Anyway now I have meet them all and they stay over, and we are in a routine I am starting to notice certain lack of feeling towards the middle child and more anger because my partner fails to discipline her like the oldest. I understand there are different stages but the middle child could scream bloody murder and be given chocolate, the eldest on the other hand given a firm sssshhhh. I can tell I am clearly the strict rule giver in the house. And I also get that because it is just weekends he feels a need to spoil them but I can't take it sometimes.
So I guess my question is this, is it normal to have favourite sk??? The oldest is lovely, and I do feel for her as she has witnessed the most. The baby is her dad's spitting image so I think she just melts my heart but the middle child ... she's a handful. I think what gets me most is how bad her behaviour becomes when she is not given her dad's 100% attention. I feel so sorry for the other two forced to look on at this and so I try to distract them but I'm not their dad, it's not me they want to cuddle but I feel like other two have to settle for me because they don't stand a chance with her.
Anyone else experienced this?
A couple of things... Yes,
A couple of things...
Yes, it's OK to have a "least favorite" as long as you don't *treat* them differently. (You don't give the oldest a cookie and tell the middle child she can't have one just because you LIKE one better, you know? I'm not talking about "Hey, oldest ate dinner and you have to have dinner before desert!", I'm talking about plain old favoritism. It's not cool.)
You CANNOT - literally CAN not - manage your partner's relationship with his children for him. NO ONE will thank you for it and it won't change a damn thing. It sucks that he seems to be a Disney Dad, but I have yet to hear of someone who got their DH to change long term. Don't marry him until you're either sure you can deal with the fall out, or until the kids have aged out.
My favorite
My favorite rotates...depending on the kids stages and phases...and its been one of my skids a few times too...lol
Thanks ... I think the
Thanks ... I think the terrible 2's may be a big part of it, especially judging by this weekend. I also have a sneaky feeling though she may turn into a "Kevin & Perry" style teenage though. Oh God help me in the teenage years!!!
Thanks again!
I hate kids so they are all
I hate kids so they are all equal in my eyes. }:)
Actually I love kids. In all seriousness, the problem is your partner not the middle SKid. You need to jerk a knot in your partners tail on this and inform him that as an equity parent to any kid in your home you are giving him clarity on what he needs to fix regarding how he needs to be an equity parent to all if his kids and his favoritism and the obvious disparity in how he parents the eldest and middle ones needs to stop immediately.
IMHO of course.
Yes. My least favorite: All
Yes. My least favorite: All three of 'em!
Thank you everyone, so glad I
Thank you everyone, so glad I have found this place! Nice to know I am not just weak or unfit to be a SM for thinking these thoughts
Well if you think about it,
Well if you think about it, those kids are not "yours". The way I have started looking at it, you are not the biological parent, so these are just kids to you. If you came across 3 kids outside of your relationship, youd probably have a favorite. The kid that you do like. So what if these kids happen to be your SK? You did not give birth to them, and just because they came out of your partner doesnt change a thing. I've felt guilty for not liking my SS16, but then I realized, it is NOT MY KID. It is a teenager who sleeps over during every other weekend. He's a kid that makes his dad cry. Hes a kid that lies. Hes a kid that has a complete disregard for those outside of his mother's circle. So, should I like him? No. If he had a brother or sister who had different behavior patterns I'd like the other one best. NOT TECHNICALLY YOUR KIDS.
As long as you dont make it obvious to the others, it is not a bad thing.
Good luck.
I can't stand my 12 yo SD,
I can't stand my 12 yo SD, she is an aggressive, whiny, manipulating, lying monster... Her 9 year old sister is much more courteous and perceptive to other people's feelings. This is how I handle it: I will give them an option to do a chore and I know every time that SD12 will make her sister do it. SD9 gets the reward and SD12 spends more time whining that she should get rewarded for sitting on her ass looking pretty. I tell DH I only reward the skid that will help out which I know Sd12 will never do.
I cant stand SD8. SD4 is cute
I cant stand SD8. SD4 is cute to a point. But SD8 - she gets on my last nerve.