The Blame Game
Don't you love it when the adult skids blame you for everything?
Everything I am blamed for has to do with money. They are obsessed with it, but only one of the 3 skids works-part time. They only see DH as a wallet; even my MIL, who feels bad for them, admits that. He stopped giving them cash 18 months ago. They raged and raged, but he did not bend. They are so hateful, manipulative, and just awful people.
Basically, they blame me for:
DH not being with BM. Translation: DH is no longer supporting everyone like he did for years. They really thought they would sit on his couch the rest of their lives. DH and BM split LONG before I came along, and BM is technically remarried, although that guy took off shortly after they married.
DH not giving them money.
The sons, ages 19, and 20, do not have driver's licenses. Why? Because they do not have cars. Why? Because DH did not buy them cars. So, therefore, they "cannot" get a license. Whatever. I do not know how they expected him to buy them cars, as he would have to get a couple of more jobs to do that. And last I checked, you can get a license without having a car.
DH not giving them money.
It goes on and on....
I guess I will always be blamed, and I do not lose sleep over it, but it just mystifies me that the SM is always evil and always to blame, even when they KNOW they have a decent and loving dad and a terrible BM. Had they given me a chance, they would have liked me, but I was never going to have that chance.
Old Dart, say it isn't so!
Old Dart, say it isn't so! "Knowing I should never have married into this family has only come in the past 6 months." Are you saying you had hope for 30 years then only recently realized you could have done things much better? What is the chance that many of us on here will stick around through this misery and pain and abuse for 30 years, and then realize we should have broke it off so long ago?! I'm only 5 years into it and I feel like I'm in too deep for all the other reasons you mentioned.
Help!
The list on the bottom does
The list on the bottom does not surprise me but it is interesting. I was sure my SD was a narcissist when she point blank told me it was all my fault that we were not communicating. It is also interesting that as time goes by, lame accusations build upon lame accusations. My 'sin' was making her uncomfortable. Neither she nor DH could come up with a specific incidence that demonstrated how I did this but just the 'perception' of making her uncomfortable was cause to intensely magnify her anger toward me over the years until it eventually exploded into an emotional and almost physically abuse tirade. Not only did she unjustifiably blame me for something she imagined or perceived, she was able to convince her Husband and HD that I was actually TRYING to make her uncomfortable. One particular morning, on my Birthday, she and her Husband were extremely hostile, would not speak to me, even turned their backs to me when I said, “Good morning.” Later I asked DH what the problem was. He replied that her Husband was “just trying to protect her.” I asked him, “From what?” He got that 'deer in the headlights' look on his face but could not come up with anything.
Over the years I put up with her nastiness, caustic comments, rolling eyes – the worst of which was done when Daddy wasn't around. But one day her vengeance surfaced in front of Daddy who could not longer overlook the 'small stuff' that had been going on under his eyes. Recently there was a post from a SD who was interfering with her Father's marriage and making accusations of her SM that she had no real proof of other than hearsay. Like my SD she may think she is clever enough to disguise her overwhelming anger for her SM and meddling in their marriage as concern for her Father's welfare. But even the best actors have a moment when they reveal their true character.
So right you are Sandye. My
So right you are Sandye. My SD is exposing herself for the vindictive twit she really is and it is shocking her Father. Over the years he hass told me that I was imagining things, suck it up, be bigger than the cause, she didn't mean it, I misunderstood, and the list goes on.
Since I have walked away from her drama, refused to take carp from her, no longer buy her gifts, etc. she has escallated to her Father. Wow! What an eye openner he has had and he is having trouble with dealing with just how nasty she is.
With her last few antics she has burned her bridges behind her. I think she knows, but she also assumes that she still has control over Daddy.
My own DH is suffering withdrawal symptoms from not dealing with her, but it wil get better. I, am keeping my mouth shut about any I told you so comments. I listen to him, I might suggest something, but there is no way I am ever gonna bad mouth the Twit to him. He's got her number and right now it is a rough sea for him while he navigates through it.
As for the not getting into the I told you so comments, that is why this board is so great. One can post things that one doesn't want to express to DH and start trouble. It helps clear the mind so I can go on with life, until the Twit starts again.
My SD came down on DH too
My SD came down on DH too when I disengaged, refusing to acknowledge his existence for the past almost two years. DH could not seem to see SD's nasty side until he had to deal with it. For twenty years I went through, "You're imagining things", "You're too sensitive", "You're making her uncomfortable", etc., etc. I don't say, "I told you so", but I have a hard time feeling sorry for him. The thing is, the longer SD plays these games with DH the less he cares. SD's loss in the end.
I so can't wait until my SD22
I so can't wait until my SD22 reveals her true self to DH. I hope you're right. He's in love with her now.
Oh, I do so understand what
Oh, I do so understand what you are saying here. BM left the boys, went to an entirely differnt state, left no contact info and stayed out of their lives comepletely for 2 years. By the time she decided she wanted to see them again she had remarried and had a child, I guess she was too busy! She was never a consistant presence in their lives, they did not even know her when they saw her again, the boys were only 2 & 4 when she left. This woman did not make regular calls, did not make trips to visit her kids, did not send presents on some occasions, she was such a selfish deadbeat.
Husband and I met 3 years after their divorce. I took on a huge responsibility for these boys, raised them as my own, knocked myself out for them. And who gets the blame for everything? Me and their father!!!! BM walks on water with Jesus Christ himself. The boys have said some very hateful things and asked their dad why he decided to saty with me thru all we have been thru and not their mom (who I think they feel was an angel), gag! Maybe if BM wasn't going out to bars at night meeting other men the marriage would have stood half a chance.
Husband and I have been together 23 years. Husband was married to first wife all of 4 years. The last 8 years I have had no relationship with the oldest boy who will soon be 31, and the last 2 years I have had no relationship with the youngest who is now 29. The boys do not have a relationship with their father eventhough he has tried. In the boys' opinions we have wronged them so we have gone our seperate ways and live our own life. They have made their choices and while I don't think it is something my husband likes he realizes there is nothing he can do about it.
This seems to be fairly
This seems to be fairly common. Younger SD blames DH for her messed up life too. Older SD also thinks DH should have done MORE for younger SD while she was a teen. Meanwhile bm PAS'd the younger SD until she didn't want anything to do with her dad.
So we just carry on and DH does feel guilty sometimes when older sd reminds him of his "neglect". I just get pissed off when they starting blaming DH (us) for all their troubles.