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OMFG... how are we always the bad guys???

VetStepMommaBear's picture

We must be the freakin }:) or something. That's all I can figure. Bc why else would everything be our fault?

SO and I psuedo "cohabitate"... But he doesn't actually live with me. He is just here a LOT LOL. His 3 DDs have been very warmly welcomed here, the older two begged for he and I to live together, and we sort of obliged but they immediately decided when we did that they hate us. Wtf. We keep trying, but refuse to be used.

Anyways, the thing is, I was working 2 jobs trying to make ends meet and keep food on the table for me and the kids and pay my bills and get things for the girls and help SO all while getting zero support from MY kids' dad... Why? Bc at the beginning he was giving his ex his entire paycheck. The whole thing. Apprently she didn't pay bills with it... Bc they are behind. While he was deployed she got his whole paycheck PLUS his extra "hazardous duty pay" and she didn't pay the mortgage, didn't pay the bills, and didn't save any of it like she said she was. Instead she bought thigs like brand new iPod touchs for the girls and a 2k couch. Oh, and wrote a bad check in SO's name that he got arressted for. Nice, huh? Well, he got a lawyer finally and started just in the last month giving her child support and keeping some money to pay his bills and not make me pay for everything we need and things for his daughter when she is over. Finally. Anyways....

So what just happened was SO and I were eating dinner w my kiddos when someone knocks at the door. My son offers to answer the door (the 10 year old) and I tell him to let me. Good thing. It was a woman. She did not introduce herself or say anything for a moment and then rudely demanded to "speak to her brother"... I had no idea til then who she was. I have not met all of SO's family yet. SO goes out and she berates him loudly on MY front porch where MY kids were inside hearing it all basically saying he is letting his kids starve and go without while he plays house with me. Wtf???? He pays her MORE than the state guidelines and offers more for other things constantly and we barely make ends meet, but he and I are the bad guys and shouldn't be happy bc the girls can't buy a whole new wardrobe and the ex won't get off her high horse and get a job bc the jobs she's been offered aren't good enough. Apparently we should pay her CS AND alimony like we are and then pay her bills on top of that. Wtf???? She came to MY house to do this in front of MY small children after what their dad just recently did (came to my house and yelled at me and threatened me in front of the kids to the point they were terrified and I had to threaten to call the cops) and when she had never even asked for the truth of ANY of what she was yelling at him... Then she had the nerve to accuse him of loving my kids more than the girls. Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. She yelled at him for us having 2 beers in 6 hours while bowling with the kids. She yelled at him bc the bar I used to work at we took the too... This is not even a normal bar, it's more a coffee shop in an upscale neighborhood and it has a preschool that uses the courtyard outside the bar for recess and we took the girls there for family movie nights on the big screen there! They showed cartoon movies and there were families everywhere. I hate her. She needs to worry about her own issues with her two baby daddys and new recovering crack addict husband and stay away from my house. Those in glass houses...

VetStepMommaBear's picture

Ha. So true. I just get more pissed bc SO even called his parents and his ex to see if they knew what was up with his sister and they were shocked at what she had done. His ex LIKES ME and knows how much I care about the girls and she is the one that actually picked the CS amount and SO agreed to it bc she doesn't have a job and he wants to take care of his girls. But he and I are evil regardless to some people apparently.

MotherGothel's picture

Be careful with that one!! DH & I did that to SD18 when she was 16 & dropped out of HS. 1 day before her 18th birthday, her & BM went & reenrolled her in school because "If my dad has to be with that cunt, then he can pay me" Boy the apple never falls far from the tree!! Now BOTH SD18 & BM1 shake their asses down to the court house every chance they get!

herewegoagain's picture

This sounds like something my mother probably pulled on my uncle, HER BROTHER, while I was little...hmmm...My mother TOO interfered with her brother and his new wife for years after he divorced his pathetic loser first wife! 30+ years later, my mother and uncle have NO relationship. I don't blame him one single bit. It also sounds like my witch SIL, whom my DH hasn't seen in over 8 years now...Witch thought she had the right to tell my DH how to live when the fact is that she didn't care at all if he ever saw his daughter while he was single and used my DH as a bank account. But once SHE was cut off from the money my DH made, then she made it all about "his daughter" not getting enough...Idiot!

I say you tell your DH, "next time ANYONE comes to MY house to yell at you, I WILL call the cops". I know he would do the same if your brother or ex came to your home and did that. I told my DH the same years ago. He understood that yes, if my ex came to my house to yell at me, he would 1 kick his a$$ and 2 call the cops...He never again allowed his crazy sister or ex to do that.

VetStepMommaBear's picture

The thing I can't figure out is exactly what his sister wanted him to do. Hand bm all his money again? Not be with a woman that has kids (he's nearly 40... Chances of that are slim)? Be in a cheap apartment paying bills separately from mine and have less than he has now which is pretty much nothing? With what BM gets plus her crappy part time job she makes more than I do a month. Her house payment is less than my rent. She chooses to have a house phone on top of everyone having cell phones. She chooses to have a large tv service package that costs way more than mine. She chooses to add internet to her cell bill instead of her tv service which costs more. Her utilities are not much different than mine and she doesn't have some bills I have. She has ways to reduce her bills if she is struggling... I don't see how her poor choices mean we should go without and that my kids should be eating ramen every night? The crazy thing is BM is not even complaining! HIS sister is the only one and she was livid.

Oh if she comes to my home again she will for dang sure be meeting my city's finest and the Barney Brigade as I like to call them. Would not be a good move for her. She almost had it last night but I let SO handle it... This time. When I realized who she was at the door, my first instinct even with how rude she was to me, was to protect her bc I honestly thought "omg, her crack addict husband is back on it and did something bad to her/her boys"... Silly me.

VetStepMommaBear's picture

HIS biological sister. Same mom and dad. Raised together. He has another sister too but this is the one he has always said he was closest to. The other one I have always thought I will get along with better.

VetStepMommaBear's picture

The other part that gets me is her 2nd baby daddy used to do stuff like this to her and she would worry about how it would affect her kids. Guess my kids don't matter as much, huh? She sure is lucky none of them heard her angrily say that he loves them more than the girls and spends more time with them. He spends more time w them bc I have my hids full time. It's not bc we don't want the girls. And how would the kids have felt hearing that he loves them and is good to them put so negatively????

oneoffour's picture

3 words ... Consider the Source.

The woman has no control over her own life and has royally screwed it up so she deflects her lack of adult skills onto her brother.

And watch what you say to BM. This sister got her information from SOMEONE. Now it may have been the SD but still.... I would be VERY careful.

As for the SDs, they are in the age of entitlement and may grow out of it. My own daughter berated me (and I laughed in her face) when she was graduating H/School and unlike all her friends parents I was not giving her a computer or a car. First of all, no computer because she had no intention of attending college at that stage. No car because we couldn't afford one. And quite frankly there is no reason why anyone can't graduate H/School. It only requires work.
She ran off and lived wiht ehr b/friend, had a baby and fast forward 5 yrs is married to a much nicer man and they have given me another grandson and has started getting into college and her life is on track as a functioning member of society... tax paying and all.

VetStepMommaBear's picture

I suspect it was STBSD15.. the one that is mad that we won't let her get a new blackberry with a data package on MY Verizon account when she refuses to be around us... We're so evil. Me thinks she told her aunt some things out of context to upset her one day when STBSD15 was mad... or perhaps SIL really did just overhear bits and pieces of things. One thing SIL said that makes no sense is that his parents are paying the mortgage on the house BM and the girls are in... it's supposed to be up for sale according to their divorce, but she won't clean the damn thing. Ummmm... if his parents were doing that, they suck at it LOL.. b/c it's behind b/c BM hasn't been paying it.

duct_tape's picture

The problem here is the man you're with. He has obviously left a path of destruction. To some degree. He hasn't cleaned up one mess and he's off to another. He is failing to defend your honor in an appropriate manner. By allowing others involved in his life to come to some conclusion about the type of person you are, before establishing it firmly, he's being untrue to you.

Your reputation isn't a priority with him, or he would be performing damage control before this shit goes haywire. All this drama in his life with ex's and sister and bears, oh my!...isn't your problem to solve. It's his. Retain your dignity and step back and let HIM deal with his own shit. And pay his own bills. You are allowing yourself to get trampled all over. Why are you defending yourself? You didn't do anything.

Women are always in this position because we don't respect each other. And, because the men in our lives disrespect us and WE ALLOW IT.

VetStepMommaBear's picture

Just to be clear, I do not personally talk to BM. I feel it's not my place. This is not my first rodeo and in the last one the BM and I started off friends and ended up mortal enemies.. learned my lesson on that and having a H that won't stand up for me against family so I'm HYPER sensitive to it (exH's parents accused me of child abuse, of trying to take ODS away from them, of all kinds of crazy stuff)... this wasn't the case here. He's been my advocate from day 1 with his family and with BM. BM tried at the very beginning to bash me and learned fast he would not stand for it and ever since has been very nice and helpful and accepting of me. I don't agree with everything she does with the girls, but we get along and he and BM are getting along well right now. SO's parents already know me and know what I'm about and his mother praises me for being such a good mother and hard worker and my kids for being so well behaved and intelligent.

Immediately after his sister stormed off, he called his parents to find out if they had been saying or thinking what she said. His dad was stumped (and his parents talk about EVERYTHING). They know EVERYTHING and are supportive of him and of him being with me. His mom has known me since before I ever met SO.... she has known me since my 10 yr old was in her preschool's 4 year old class. His dad was stumped by what happened. He then called BM who kept repeating "am I hearing you correctly?? Your SISTER did WHAT??" and was genuinely surprised (if she had been involved she would have dodged and said she had something to do or something like she always does when she has done something wrong)... and so SO and BM sat and discussed every point his sister attempted to make. BM says it sounds like she has overheard bits and pieces of conversation and taken them completely out of context and put her own spin on it based on her own life and then threw it back at SO b/c she's miserable with her own life. Everything she brought had some small grain of truth but was spun completely incorrectly... like the kids being in a bar thing. BM packed up the girls stuff to go to those events and was completely supportive of those trips.. SO asked his sister if she had never taken her kids in Applebee's.. b/c last he checked there is a bar in there too. We weren't feeding the kids pina coladas or doing tequila shots while they watched The Goonies. Geezus.

He is calling his mother today about what happened. She wasn't home when he talked to his dad and she is going to be furious when she finds out her daughter did that with my kids there.

As far as the bills, it's a non-issue between he and I.. he is doing a lot and still paying her over what guidelines say and I respect how he is doing it and was a party to all decisions regarding the use of his money. I want the girls taken care of and for her to have enough money to pay her bills. Mine are getting paid. If she chooses not to use the money wisely, that's her problem. It's there. She needs to get a damn job but for now it is what it is. (I was tired and angry and chose my words incorrectly when I said "make me pay his bills".... that's not how i meant it to come out LOL... I was still seeing red)

I'm not defending myself.. I'm just here to vent b/c it pissed me off so bad LOL. SO has already said we will call the police immediately if she comes back on my property at all.

VetStepMommaBear's picture

SO and I talked about it and I've about come to the determination that part of it is she LIVES for drama and she's already regretting husband #3 and so she's looking to stir up some stuff in someone else's life and also she acts like a 16 year old and pals around with SD13 and her friends like they are the same age. We didn't know this until the last few days. It's creepy looking at her FB and seeing so many pics of her with these 13 year old girls like they are BFFs. She's like 34 and her son is older than these girls. Not to mention her 15 year old son sleeps in the bed with her when her husband is on night shift. Dude, she's just plain WEIRD.