Help new stepmom!
Recently moved in with bf and 2 daughters I am pregnant and have 2 kids of my own. After moving in found out that his kids have poor hygiene ie don't wash their hands after toilet or with showers. Don't help out around the house. Tell lies regularly sneak around and take things they are not supposed to have they are wasteful dramatic and coerce him into spending money he doesn't have.Dad has been kind of a pushover and let's his ex and daughters rule and dictate everything in the house. I feel like I am the bad guy because I want the kids to be clean help out and be honest and I don't want his ex involved in our lives. I really don't want to be the boss but I feel if I don't I will have to live in squalor and be a slave to disrespect and manipulation by his kids and ex.His kids are 10 and 14 shouldn't they have learned by now? He is honest hard working and clean should I expect him to raise his kids the same way?The problem is that he is amazing in every way and I love him deeply but I feel I will completely lose respect and feelings for him if he doesn't take charge of his life. Please help!! Any constructive advice???
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Thanks for the input- I would
Thanks for the input- I would rather have brutal honesty than fake bs. I guess I already know what you are saying- just want other perspectives:(
Well crap, I'd agree but you
Well crap, I'd agree but you also said you're pregnant.
The problem her is your SO, not the kids. You know that, right? So, approach it with him. "Babe, I'm concerned. The skids don't always wash their hands after using the bathroom, and newborns don't have a fully developed immune system. I know you're going to be SUCH an awesome dad to our child, so can you take care of this before it becomes a problem?" (*sigh* Unfortunately, if he's a craptastic dad to the two that he's got, he's NOT going to be an "awesome dad". But throw it in there anyway, can't hurt.)
I have had the discussion
I have had the discussion with him and he agreed that they need to wash. I honestly think if it weren't for the fact that there was no soap in their bathroom( for an entire weekend and they never said anything yuck!)he would have tried to argue with me on it. He tried to tell me that the oldest uses shampoo to wash her body in the shower because that was the only thing in there. I know it's not true but I can't tell him that because he gets mad and thinks I'm picking on them.
With the kids being the age
With the kids being the age they are, you have yourself one hell of a mountain to climb, and it might not be climbable.
As soon as you start doing right by those kids, they will hate you. They will make you and your kids miserable.
All of us here know this all too well.
The best you can do is see if you can get your boyfriend to stop being a shitty dad.
And welcome to Steptalk.
He doesn't even make her work
He doesn't even make her work full time????? What an idiot.
You are not the bad guy,
You are not the bad guy, just normal expectations.
If you can not get your DH set expectations for the SK's, and boundaries with the ex, your life will only get worse.
I'm sorry if I sound negative. Welcome.
Hello Daphne, WELCOME, first
Hello Daphne, WELCOME, first of all!
Second...
Um...
RUN!!!
Move out, keep your lives and your finances, and your time separate.
Skids(generally-if they have a decent relationship with their bm-from what I've seen and experienced and seen on this site)will turn on you and mmanipulate ANY situation to their best advantage.
Even to not ask for soap! WFT!!!
It only gives them a reason to think you are evil.
I wish I could tell you something warm and fuzzy, but I've been with a Disney Dad for 6+ years, his 15+ year old daughter came to live with us full time in November, and now I am moving out(although she probably wont stay for this school year, either)
If you want details, I'd be more than happy to share.
I bet all these others would too!
Date him. Keep a separate home for your self and your kids.
Stay distant from these already disrespectful and manipulating children.
Save your sanity, your own children's well being and happiness, and possibly your relationship.
I am new to this site, but, it's scary how often these stories all resemble each other...