Just a rant. BM why won't you just fuck off like SD has told you to do?
Little background: BM in and out SD's entire life. Last few years has only attempted contacted about 6 times or so but months in between. SD got fed up a few years ago and finally told BM to stay away from her and don't contact her anymore. A couple of weeks ago SD stated to me that she thinks she wants to see her mother, read previous blog. I told SD that it wasn't my deal and that she would need to discuss it with her father. SD discussed it with her father and he told her that he would back her if this is what she wanted, telling her that no matter what happened she would have to learn for herself. Told her to think about it a couple of days and let us know her decision. After a couple of days thinking about it SD said she didn't know why she said she wanted to see her mother because she remembers all the shit she had to go through and she really doesn't want to go through that again. She decided that she didn't want to see her.
So last time BM texted us was about 6 months ago. We told SD that BM was attempting to contact her and SD got fed up. She called BM and told BM to NEVER call or text her father's number again and that she isn't her mother and that she will never be her mother again. More words were exchanged but you get the point. So no contact since then from BM or any of BM's family.
This morning my husband hands me his phone and I read a text from ANOTHER new phone number, from 9:30 p.m. saying, "This is BM, tell my daughter that I said Happy Easter and that I want to see her. Mother's Day is coming and we have plans already and those plans include my daughter. Either you can bring her to me or I will have my mother out at your house waiting on my daughter to bring her to me to spend OUR day together."
DH didn't text her back because SD told us to just please ignore her. I am so irritated. This woman is in and out of SD's entire life and now she is getting to the point where she is delusional. The demands that come out of her mouth will not be tolerated! I honestly wonder what the hell goes through her mind when she is texting us, telling us what we are GOING to do after not contacting SD in so long. I also read another message that stated that she went about 8 months ago to a lawyer, and that she will be filing paperwork this week if we don't fix the situation on our own. Last time she went months without seeing her, before SD told her to get fucked, we asked her why she thinks she wants to see her since she has made no attempt for months and she told us that SD asked her not to contact so she didn't want to go against SD's wishes. Why is she going against SD's wishes now? She thought we were keeping SD away from her, I guess she still thinks that. I hate that this will be in my mind all day because thinking about this bum just pisses me off and puts me in a shitty mood.
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Well we tell her when her
Well we tell her when her mother tries to contact, never hide it. SD does with it what she wants. Last time BM was like, "Atleast tell me if you are even letting my daughter know that I'm trying to get ahold of her." This come after not even trying to communicate for about 8 months. SD contacted her back and told her to never contact the number again and to just forget about her. She told BM that she had a good life here and that she has no interest in going back to the way she used to live when BM was around. All BM said was, " You are the one punishing everyone."
Yeah I'm not worried about
Yeah I'm not worried about anything really, just pisses me off that she just pops in anytime she wants and thinks she has the right to. I've told SD that she should make her own decision but that I would never hide anything from her. This way when she is older she can't ever say me or her father kept anything from her.
A RO by your SD may need to
A RO by your SD may need to be put in place. That should stop the problem. My SS and SD both served the other parent when they no longer want to live in the other house. The courts listen here at 14. Now both children control the relationship with the other parent. There is no contact between DH and BM anymore. So nice. If this is what your SD wants, she may need to handle it legally.
BM starts by being nice to my
BM starts by being nice to my SD saying things like," I want to see my baby. I miss her, if she wants to see me she should be able to see me. Her family here misses her dearly. " Then when SD ignores her or says she isn't going BM starts to say," She is only a child, no judge would listen to her wants. I don't care what she wants or says I am her mother and will always be her mother. I'm sorry she feels this way but she will need to get over it. I don't see the big deal, she needs to get off her high horse."
SD doesn't want to have to deal with it even though it needs dealt with. She has told us that if it comes to it she will tell whomever she needs to that she NEVER wants to have contact with her again and that if she is sent over there it would ruin her life. BM is a master at manipulating SD, and she is still trying to do it to this day. I think that's why BM keeps at it because now i think it's more like a game to BM that she just has to win.
Poor kid. I empathize. Has
Poor kid. I empathize. Has she been in any therapy? How old is she if you don't mind me asking? Good for her.
BM in our situation picks and chooses what/when/how she sees SS6. Like most recently oh I am going away to South America for 6 months, I'll be back monthly, make him available for me. Yeah okay lady give us the dates, we'll try to figure it out...but he's got school, sports, camp, friends, a life, and so do we. My husband said send me the dates, you gotta do what you gotta do. (Love him) she's going for some training that she could theoretically do about 75 miles from where she lives for a weekend and then another 10 days a few months later. But no, go to South America for 6 months, don't say is that okay, do you think SS can handle that? narcissistic witch.
My husband calls what BM is doing here as "the small barking dog theory" Yap yap yap give me attention, yap yap yap...it's all about me, look at me jump on you....she demands xyz, he says sure, that's a possibility, you let me know what you want to do, and closer to the date, she totally backs out. Or an overnight visit turns into dinner, or a return at 11 am instead of 5 pm. But SS wants to see Disney BM, that's the difference. He came back on Easter weirdly quiet. (I don't mind, too much loud talking all the time) but DH noticed too (he's usually a little oblivious to the noise, he grew up with brothers) DH surmises that it's because she mentioned the trip to SS, and he seems appreciative that we are here, we don't abandon him if the wind changes.
Could it be she's doing it for the benefit of here mom/family? Like look I'm a good parent etc...maybe to get back in their good graces. When our BM thinks someone else is listening/watching, she's like MOTY, but Leave her alone and she's a shithead who doesn't feed or bathe the kid or do anything right for him.
It does seem to me that when
It does seem to me that when BM tries to get ahold of SD that it's either during a holiday when she is with family or a family event. The thing with BM is, she isn't trying to get ahold of my SD for my SD's benefits. She screwed up in her miserable life and she is just trying to make herself feel better. I will not make SD, nor will her father, have a relationship with someone that only wants to see my SD in order to make herself feel better or look good in front of other people.
I would have to think the
I would have to think the same thing. The reason I agree is because BM has said on numerous occasions that she has "went to speak to a lawyer" or " will be filing paperwork if need be". You would think that if you truly wanted to see your kid you wouldn't wait almost 3 years to get an order to see your kid.
If I wanted to see my kid I wouldn't threaten to go to court I would go to court. But most importantly I wouldn't let 6 months, 9 months, 12 months or longer go in between trying to contact and then when I did, act like nothing is wrong and expect everyone to be happy with me and make my kid feel like it was there fault. That's how BM does this all time.
We have. I have asked her
We have. I have asked her many times if she wants to know anything, she usually says she doesn't care. I just want her to know that we won't hide anything from her. I believe my SD's BM doesn't have the current order either. When we went to court like 4 years ago, BM never paid her attorney fees so she didn't go back to her lawyer to get the order.
Whenever there was suppose to be a scheduled visit BM would constantly ask when she got my SD or would say some stupid bs like she didn't understand the parenting plan, trying to get us to explain it to her. What would she do? Go to court and say I don't have a plan so I don't actually know when I'm suppose to get her?
How would she explain to the judge that she has only attempted contact 6 or 7 times in the last few years? Does she think that because she has attempted 6 or 7 times and we have denied her wants that the judge is going to forget all the wrong she has been doing not only lately but in the last 15 years? I don't understand it. I don't understand how a woman who THINKS she is smart would think this is a smart move on her part.
She is insane I swear. SD
She is insane I swear. SD tells her she doesn't want anything to do with her and BM swears we are the ones that are telling her that she isn't allowed to see her. I wish she would take meds for her problem.
Lol, funny. Yeah I'm not
Lol, funny. Yeah I'm not worried about anyone coming here. SD told me that if anyone on BM's side of the family or BM herself comes to this house she would run out yelling to get off the property or she was going to call the cops.