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SD12 is being Snarky after weekend w/BM

TraumatizedSM's picture

Submitted by TraumatizedSM on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 2:07pm

There are days when I just want to throw in the towel and say Screw It! But If I do, then BM and SD12 wins...And I wont let them do that to me. I am 100% positive that BM puts things in SD's head and is the reason SD comes home to our house with a bucket of attitude. I am Disengaging but some days it is hard to ignore the bull sh*t. I'm a SAHW so I try to have courteous passing conversation with SD for my DH's sake but even this is difficult.

I was letting SD know of recent family news and a possible trip. She said she wanted to go. I said we will have to see since it's around spring break which is normally when you are with your mom. She answered with a mumble under her breath, "If you don't want me to go, just say so". This was not only irritating, it was rude! And never at any point she was given this kind of impression from our house hold. This is what I get for trying to be a nice human being? I am so sick of this!

I am sure there is a lesson for me to learn in this...Maybe I've been the buffer between the two of them too long? I have always tried to alleviate my DH from most of the stress at home as holding up my part of our family dynamic. I hate to do this to my DH, but I'm thinking it is time for me to keep my interactions with SD to casual greetings and what not.

How does one rise above this kind of crap?

Comments

JennSunnySideUp's picture

Submitted by JennSunnySideUp on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 2:14pm

Was your DH anywhere near when she said that????

If one of our Skids said that or something like that to an adult, they would be grounded so fast it would be ridiculous. NO SASS, or Rudeness is accepted in DH's family when speaking to others. PERIOD.

My family is little more of the fuss and squabble type, but I've learned since getting with him that I prefer his way to raising children and they accept ZERO BS.

You wanna be a jerk? Okay, go mow the grass.

Still feeling like a dickhead? Alright, wash all the windows, front and back.

Eventually they will figure out not to be a smartass Wink

TraumatizedSM's picture

Submitted by TraumatizedSM on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 2:40pm

Unfortunately DH was not around. I did make a point to let SD know that she is only victimizing herself by making comments like that, since it was not what I had said nor was it my intention. And let her know that is was a rude thing to do. I left it at that because I didn't want her to feel as if I was trying to attack her.....pick you battles and that good stuff.

JennSunnySideUp's picture

Submitted by JennSunnySideUp on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 3:06pm

Very Very smart.

TraumatizedSM's picture

Submitted by TraumatizedSM on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 2:26pm

That was not my intent and you may have a point on this instance, specially if she's already feeling defensive from her weekend with her BM, but her snarky attitude is not isolated in this one occasion.

.....what is PAS by the way?

TraumatizedSM's picture

Submitted by TraumatizedSM on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 2:36pm

I just googled PAS....No, I do not do PAS, I consciously avoid that. That is why I am disengaging because I realized what my SD was doing. She was going back and forth between BM and I trying to get us to win her "affection". Also, SD is very aware of custody schedule and when she is supposed to be with her BM and she knows that if she wants to join us, all she has to do is ask BM for permission when it is on BM's time and DH was the one to made that rule.

DarkStar's picture

Submitted by DarkStar on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 2:19pm

12 is old enough to know better. I would have responded RIGHT back along the lines of...
"If I didn't want you to go, I WOULD say so. We have to check Spring Break schedule with your Mom. And you can check that attitude and snarky tone with me, missy."

Kids talk smack to me, they get talk-smacked right back. I find that if you ignore it with the goal of "rising above" then the behavior continues. BUT, if you stand your ground, AND be consistent, it tends to work better.
IMHO of course.

JennSunnySideUp's picture

Submitted by JennSunnySideUp on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 2:30pm

Yes!!^^^

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 3:05pm

While I dont Co done snarky rudeness from kids..... That wzs poor form on your part. Filling her in on all the grezt things planned for this trip, then snatching it away when she expresses interest? How was she supposed to respond?

If you arent sure if shes with you or not, check the dang visitation schedule before you bring it up. If shes with you znd coming great, share all the exciting details. If shes not just say hey, we are hoping to go on a trip, do you want us to try and work it out with your mom?

PetStr's picture

Submitted by PetStr on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 3:12pm

SS10 and SD12 have the shittiest attitudes when they come back from a weekend with BM. SS15 doesn't even go visit his mom anymore because he's realized how she is and doesn't want any part of it. I keep telling DH that I wish we didn't have to take a week to "reprogram" SS10 and SD12 so they lose the 'tudes and get with the program.

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Wed, 10/30/2013 - 3:33pm

Call her out on the muttering. It's a test to see how mouthy she can get away with. Nip that shit in the bud, or it'll get worse.