With the skids.....I mention my concerns and if he blows me off I leave it at that. If its something g I feel really strongly about, like physical punishment I will be more insistant....but ultimately they are his kids.

For our joint kids....I don't take no for an answer. My kids will be raise how I see fit, no its ands or butts.

fdh constantly goes against me. when it was sd, i had to accept it because i am not her parent. with our kids, i let him know how i feel about it. he brings bs5 junk food home all the time. i have asked him repeatedly to stop doing this. bs5 has eating issues related to his autism, and it is impossible to get him to eat a balanced diet, so lets not add to the trouble by giving him crappy food choices. fdh doesn't listen. he keeps bringing him home "treats". they aren't treats when he gets it all the time!

he lets him play outside with no sunscreen on all day when i'm at work. a couple of months ago, his shoulders burned so badly they blistered, because he was allowed to play outside all day with no sunscreen and no shirt. i was livid. fdh didn't think it was a big deal at all.

i could go on for days. it's a constant, losing battle for me. i have had no choice but to chalk it up to stupidity. it's like fdh has no idea how bad these things are for bs. i have to keep running interference, but sadly, i have given up on him ever getting it. and these are the reasons why i fantasize about breaking his nose.

This was an internal battle for me for years. especially after I disengaged. When I was engaged I took charge of the skid's parenting and did as I saw fit-which of course created other issues when dh would not fully back me up-so I disengaged and figured it's on dh and bm how the kid turns out. BUT-here was the rub-I knew that they were creating a monster. How could I raise my children alongside a montster? Luckily the kid moved out around age 9-but he did come back full time at age 13/14 for 4 months. I quickly found out that I could not raise my children alongside a monster-so he moved back in with my inlaws.

So while we can think that how our dh's parent these skids dont have anything to do with us-if we have our own children in the home-it WILL end up affecting us.

i told my dh that if i don't have any input go ahead and raise thieving, lying, lazy, self-entitled kids. but when those kids grow up and come to us with their hands held out, he better be prepared to stop them at our door.