Don't be scared. She's just a child who needs to be taught her place.

Did you not see the writing on the wall before you got into this marriage. Wasn't she doing this prior to your getting married. This should have been addressed by your DH before you got married. This is your DH's fault, it is up to him to put her in her place and if he is not willing there isn't much you can do about it. What have you said to him about it? Have you told him it is inappropriate for him to ahve this behavior with her, especially now that he is married. If he doesn't address it, it won't get any better, only worse! Sorry.

Stick it to your dh. Tell him to get his daughter's shit in line or get to stepping. Because, clearly, he is headed for some sick times ahead. Does he not see how odd this is? She's 11. Not two. Boundaries need to be drawn with young girls. Even if she is his daughter.

Ok please don't take this the wrong way and I don't want drama. But its hard for older kids to understand parents splitting up. She probably feels that you are going to take her dad away from her, which in reality you clearly wouldn't do that. You need to insure her that you are not there to do that. He should as well be talking to her to not treat you like that because it is unacceptable, but sometimes its hard for parents to want to do that when they as well are scared that maybe they will lose their child if they don't make them happy. Maybe you should talk to her one on one and spend more time with her away from him to really get to know her and her to get to know you better. Just remember at the end of the day that is his daughter and he is stuck between a rock and a hard place because you both mean so much to him. I hope you guys are able to work things out for the best!!!

ummm really emotional/covert incest because he is showing his daughter attention??? I think not and that's going a little too far. I think he is a father stuck between his daughter and wife. Kids should always come first no matter what!! You have to understand that she just may not feel comfortable enough around you yet. I do agree she needs to not be so demanding and daddy needs to step up and control that before it completely gets out of hand, but put yourself in her shoes. She is doing everything she possibly can to get you out of their lives and that's why you need to step up and prove to her you are there because you love HER and her dad because they are a packaged deal. Just think if it was your parents that had split up and now your dad has a new lover, it would be hard to understand at such a young age.

AnaR- I agree to a point. Any need my child or so child has will always come first, I guess its just how I am. But demands hell no, never. A kid should never demand anything from an adult, regardless if its a parent or just an adult in general. And no he shouldn't feel stuck between the child and wife but I bet he is. Its hard especially when your coming from a split home. That's why he does need to step up and discipline her as needed. That's why I had mentioned maybe the daughter and wife spending one on one time together so maybe they can just talk and really get to know one another. This way the daughter can get to know her step mom and know she isn't there to take the roll of her mother away but she is there as another person who cares for her. Someone she can still trust and turn too when needed. Idk if it makes sense as we all will have different views but I just hope for the sake of the daughter they can get things resolved before she gets way too out of hand

The problem isn't the kid.....it's the permissive parenting of her father.

Your DH is allowing her to dictate the terms of your marriage.

He has to nip it in the bud or the behavior will continue, no matter what you do.

Bfs daughter never did anything as drastic as some others here, but she would push between us when we cooking or talking as adults. It happened twice. The next time bf was cooking I told her to go help him, in fact I moved her to be closer to him, right between us. She hasn't done it again. If you allow it or wait for it to happen, if you do something first you take that power from the child.

sunflower is right. Im sorry but you couldn't have gone into this relationship thinking his daughter was just going to accept you with open arms. You have to show her who is boss without making her feel bad or cutting her down where she thinks you don't like her. Im sorry to say but she feels threatened by you, idk what people don't understand that. Kids don't deal with change very well. She is use to mommy and daddy being together and its hard for her to come with terms that daddy has someone new in his life that is not her mother! Let her feel included in the things you guys do and don't let her tantrums or attitude effect it, because she feeds off of that. Please don't take anything wrong with what im saying. I truly don't know your situation and Im sure you are a wonderful person just going thru some of life's tricky obstacles, but hang in there, things are usually hard before they get easy!

I have been dealing with similar behavior from sd11 since last October when I moved in with DH. It took me this long to get up the nerve to say something. Don't let it go so long that you are ready to explode like I am. I finally had a talk with DH and told him how excluded and awkward it made me feel when she takes my physical place as his wife. My DH is doing much better...sitting with me at restaurants, walking beside ME at the store, etc. but he still struggles (you can read about it on my blog covering last weekend.)

I have decided I will have ZERO tolerance for ANYONE taking my place anymore, but rather I will remove myself from the situation. If he sits next to her in the restaurant, I will leave. If he walks off with her in the store and leaves me to straggle along behind, I will walk in the opposite direction (while calling my son to come pick me up). I am DONE with feeling like the 3rd wheel and hubby is well aware of this.

So far my situation has improved drastically. I hope yours will, too.

Any psychiatrist would tell you that the wife or husband come first, then the kids. It's the same whether it is your first marriage or second. Your spouse comes first. That is if you want to have a good marriage. If you put your child before your spouse someday when that child is grown and out of the house you are going to look across that table and wonder 'what the hell am I doing with this person and who is this'. You will have grown completely apart. Take it from someone who has experienced this.

It's hugely inappropriate but it's like in their minds their clinging on to having a little child to care for but it's wrong and damaging to everyone involved! If I knew how to break the cycle I would tell you . DH treats ss14 like a baby and it makes my skin crawl....If I Try to cuddle my 13 or 15 year old girls they tell me to stop babying them and that is normal. I feel for so much because that is how they relate and it's like breaking a very unhealthy habit

Next time he does this in public - walk away. Turn around, Find the closest man in sight & go talk to him. I don't care if you ask the time - weather - complement his shirt whatever. DH will catch on real quick if I don't pay attention to her, she will find it elsewhere.

If she takes you spot on the couch - walk out the door. Do not say a word - DO NOT collect your phone - keep your keys in your pocket if you have to - just go.

When id is baffled why you left without saying anything - give him the biggest megawatt smile & tell him when you were just so occupied with SD I didn't want to disturb you. Do not answer questions about where you went - oh just around, ya know...

Best of luck

Sometimes we need to fight fire with fire... he needs to KNOW you will not take a back seat to his daughter not be told - which let's be honest most men don't listen to us anyways. Try walking away - it will work. Keep us updated !

It's a classic separated parent mistake to let the child sleep in their bed, without considering how the child will feel when they meet a new partner and are suddenly and literally replaced in the bed. It sets up any new partner for hostility and jockeying for physical closeness to the parent. And is totally the parents fault and responsibility. That combined with the fact that a lot of Dads struggle with the idea of pushing their child away is a recipe for disaster.

I've done the walking several paces behind while stepchildren cling to Daddy's hand thing. It was sad and uncomfortable. It's a problem that really requires a directness and emotional honesty that a lot of men lack, combined with consistency. Really he needs to sit down with SD, talk about how things have changed, reassure her, and talk about what is appropriate as she gets older. Then have a regular bit of dad and daughter time to neutralise resentment, and be affectionate but gently extricate himself from inappropriate intimacy until she gets the message.

Maybe try putting it to DH that you're concerned that SD's clinginess may be a sign she is feeling insecure, and that pandering to it is probably encouraging her to feel competitive. Then talk about what WE can do to make her feel happier and more independent.

it is even worse when mini wife goes on a date with DH.