Some advice how i can get over this please.
Hi all, i haven't been on in a while as detachment has been serving me well. However. This evening, I mentioned to my OH about our recent new Will needing to be signed by our lovely neighbours. The SD over heard and the conversation went like this.. which has made me feel sick to the pitt of my stomach and as im looking ahead.. id rather be frikken single than have this attachment to her! I'm really bloody sad about it actually that im shaking with sadness and madness. More so at her audacity. I feel like i want to cry.
The conversation..
I spoke to my OH about signing the will with our neighbors and SD said.. 'oh you've done your will?' She looks at dad and says 'am I getting all your money? What am I getting if you die now?' Dad said 'nothing, it all goes to GF' (me)
Then she said 'what happens if you both die? So i said 'its split fair and square, dads half goes to you and your sister when you're both 21 and the other half goes to my family.' She then said while laughing jokingly, 'So i'll have to fight your family then will I?' Then she was banging on about the bungalow her mum rents out as that was their family home.. and she said .. 'I've told mum I want that, my sister doesn't want it so she'd have to buy me out.' I cannot get over the audacity of it. She just went straight for the goldmine.
We don't have the best relationship anymore as you will see from my very first post, we just acknowledge eachother now which is actually comfortable enough for me to move on with my life without a relationship with her, but this has knocked my guts for six. So much so I'd rather be single than have any tie to her after I die. Have I taken it personally? Maybe. I took it for what it is at face value. Are my feelings valid? Absolutely.
My family would wipe the floor with her anyway id not worry about that but she has just given me another glimpse of what she is turning into. Her dad is a Disney fucking dad and her mum is holding on to secrets and lies so it's no wonder she is the way she is, I've never known 2 kids in my entire life like these 2. No boundaries, pocket money for doing nothing, everything is a yes, it's sickening.
We were brought up where no meant no, we'd not question it, we had chores for pocket money, we had boundaries and dicipline. The fact i have to live part time seeing the opposite while dad jumps at a command, it fills me with resent. I just hate seeing it even though im not a part of it. It makes me dread the future.
Everything in my life was plodding along nicely until the skid threw a nuke into my evening.
I'm so sad!
Personally I wouldn't have a
Personally I wouldn't have a conversation with, or in the hearing of, my SDs on the subject of wills. If they brought it up I would just say, you can find out when we're dead!
I won't in future.
I was only giving my OH an update on it and her ears just pricked up and she decided to get nosey.
This is an 11 year old kid?
This is an 11 year old kid? I agree with Kes.. less said to her the better about wills and if she overheard.. she is young enough to be told (by her father).. this isn't anything to concern you now.
I might have jokingly said.. haha.. don't worrry honey.. we are gonna work diligently to spend it all before we are gone.. lol. (or some version of that... )
The reality is if you and her father are both joined financially.. then it is up to both of you how things play out.
Remember, she is a kid.. with the self centered simplistic view of how things work. And.. kids are selfish.. want the bigger slice of cake.. all the marbles... etc..
And.... after you are gone.. you are gone... you won't have to deal with it.. I would go back to disengaging and not get overly wrapped up in a conversation with her that never should have happened.... the less said to her the better.
She's 16, and she's smart, and a spoilt brat.
If she ever brings it up in conversation going forward, im going to drop a clanger.. and say when we're older, we're thinking of selling up and travelling and living in a motor home. Wouldn't that be a spanner in her goldmine, ha! Thankfully, my partner and I are only financially linked with the mortgage. I have my own bank account, savings and bills (apart from household bills, obvs.). My finances are about to have an LPA set up and my family will be the ones who will have the power over my finances after me.
Thank you for your input, i agree!
It's none of her business,
It's none of her business, period. Let her think what she wants to think and ignore.
My SD thinks she is getting our house. She's not. Because of her ways, she's not getting anything. DH has signed a notarized affidavit that his two daughters (one is completely estranged) get nothing and thatn it's not an oversight. Anyone who contests the will, gets nothing. Also, in our state, we can file a TOD for our house to go to whoever we want and they won't have to go through probate.
Anything that you can do a transfer on death for, do it. Cars, bank accounts, homes, everything that you can, especially if you are not legally married. It's essential to have wills, but the TODs are easy and legal, and no probate.
Thanks for this.
This is something I will look into and definitley will act on it! I have far more in the house that belongs to me, including car. I think as I get older there will be more things to add to my will.
You may need to speak to a lawyer about this...
Hi- Sorry to be a downer, but I noticed that you posted this under "Teenage Stepchildren." If your "teenage" stepdaughter is an adult, then in most states, she can be disinherited. Your current will may not be enough by itself unless it includes clear, specific language that shows that your partner knew what her were doing and didn't just forget to mention his daughter in his bequests. I strongly suggest that you consult an estate lawyer who practices in your state.
If your teenage SD is still a minor (that usually means under 18, but could be up to 25 especially if she is still in school, receving parental support, or if her inheritance was negotiated as part of a divorce or child support decree), you may not be able to cut her off. Unless you live in Louisiana, the government believes that parents have an obligation to support their minor children and that obligation doesn't end with death. It also can't be overwritten by a self-created will no matter how many of your neighbors sign off on it. Again, I strongly urge you to get a lawyer involved as soon as possible.
Also, you quoted your partner as referring to you as "GF" which I assume means "girlfriend?" If so, be aware that the government usually recognizes that a surviving spouse also has a right to support in the form of a portion of the estate. However, states will only rarely extend rights to a girlfriend/boyfriend no matter how long the relationship. (If you try to assert rights as a common law spouse, most American judges will shut you down before you get to the end of your first sentence.) When it comes to going to court over a will, a minor child has a huge amount of legal weight while the unmarried partner has almost none. There are ways to protect yourself, but they are complicated, expensive, and must be put in place before your partner passes away. Please talk to a lawyer now.
I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but better to find out how to protect yourself now rather than later when SD shows up at her father's funeral with eviction papers for you (it happens).
Good luck.
You are absolutely correct.
And thankfully, we have this already sorted for that very reason! I made a point to my partner that I don't want to be put at that risk if you dies before me, so we made sure it was put in place.
Rather than get over it, you confront it and destroy it and her.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
She is shit. She is what she is and will no doubt remain what she is. Lock it all down in the Will. Work out, be healthy, so you can maximize the odds that you will be the last one standing and can then allocate everything as you see fit.
We do not have this dynamic in our blend. I am not a breeder. SS is the only in our marriage. Fortunately we became a family a few days before SS's 2nd B-day and I raised him as my own. He asked me to adopt him when he was 22. We made that happen.
Sadly my son's three younger also out of wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas lost the parent lottery completely and include spawn #2 who is on the dole, #3 who is serving a long prison sentence, and #4 who is not far behind the convict.
SS won the mom lottery. We did our joint Will when SS was very young. It was designed to preserve our assets for him in the event of our joint demise. It all goes to the survivor should one of us predecease the other which in all likelihood will be me as I am 12yrs older than my bride.
To protect him from the SpermClan and from himself, it all goes into trust for SS until he either completes a Bachelor's degree from an accredited institution or turns 40.
My dad and my brother are the Executors of the trust and were clear that in the event we both passed before SS reached the age of majority that the assets in trust were to be preserved for him and that the SpermClan did not get a Cent even if they had custody of SS as a minor.
That Will is still in place. SS in all likelihood will be retired before he inherits. He and his mom will be in the nursing home together most likely. Like my mom and I likely will. I will be the only guy in the nursing home with a chore list from his mother.
Mom had me at 19. My bride had our son at 16.
We made scrubbing the noses of the SpermClan in their shallow and polluted gene pool derived stench and raising our son with the example of a strong quality adult equity life partnership, a strong family, and as two successful professionals partnering in life.
So, I would play the long game, you and DH enjoy making your life of adventure and love for the ages together, and keep the noxious SKid firmly contained. Focusing on living well is the best way to get over it IMHO. Living your best life is also the best revenge. Enjoy living your revenge as gold digger SD snivels and moans about her inheritance.
Take care of you.
Thank you, Rags.
Definitley good advice, and always interesting reading about your background, and your descriptive words always make me feel validated with how I feel about his... thankfully we aren't married, having the official step link kinda puts me off the idea! Looking forward to playing the long game as it will be a wake up call she needs!
It’s none of her business
And would not discussed wills with her. It's important that you do your first will. With young SK they have to be taken care of untill they are 18. After that your DH should leave the majority of his access to you his wife to make sure you can live your life without him.
'You a put on notice that SD is a money grabber.
100% she is!
The word 'money' lights up like a match behind her eyes. Shame that light doesn't burn a hole in her corneas!
Money grubbing step kids
It does indeed suck.
It's a shame these kids are the way they are in step families. I had a wonderful relationship with the 16yo untill she turned 14 and then decided I was a target for whatever reason. It's since then I've erased every part of her from my life. But her comment about her having her dad's money in a will was the final straw I needed, to realise what an absolute scrote she is turning into. Gone are those days when she was such a loving caring little girl! I'll make sure when we are old and crepid, any house sale or investment will be spent elsewhere and like you, if I can, ill leave her his work tools *beee*
Money!
Don't they say it is the root of all evil? When we married, we both owned homes. My attorney immediately had papers drawn up including us both on each deed. I had no idea that if either of us passed away, the other's kids could try to claim our homes. We have 4 adult kids between us; 3 of them we could not imagine doing anything like that. However, he has a child that would go for the jugular. Legally we made sure that could never happen, after seeking counsel to learn the laws, etc. Please take care of you!
401 K beneficiaries
So my husband's 401(k) has a substantial amount in it because he was able to contribute during our 31 years together. I contributed to mine as well but he has way more than I do. I'm the beneficiary 100%. His son and daughter are 50% after me. After this last estranged moment of 3 1/2 years, I told him he should take them off unless things changed dramatically with them. He took them off. I know his daughter would be the driving force to look into what we have and I would have a battle on my hands. She and her brother would team up and come after me. My husband and I have had many talks and even saw a lawyer because I don't want to deal with this when I'm old and feeble. I'm 58 years old and my husband is 67. We're both still in good health And we exercise. It truly is a shame that we couldn't develop a decent relationship, but I know that BM is always in the background chattering away at them. We have come to acceptance for the reality of how it is I just want to live in peace.