If there's a safe place without any other cars for them to learn/practice, that's one thing. If drivers' ed is the first time they ever get behind a wheel i think they will be behind other kids. But, if they are serving as BM's designated driver because she is drunk or can't legally drive, that's something else (i've seen cases where a 10-year-old was dropping off and picking their dad up from the bar.)

You were not going to win in thins one.  What BM does is not your concern 

Unless she's letting him drive on busy roads, or drive by himself, or as the poster above mentioned, take her to bars or something, I would not get wound up about this. At least where I'm from, it's super common to let kids practice driving when they're tall enough to operate the car. 

Let the BM get sued into oblivion after her middle schooler causes vehicular damage  

you probably don't have time to capture evidence and report her so ....

Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. 
 

No 11 yr old should be on the road unless it's an extreme life or death emergency. There a reason the age of obtaining a permit/license is the way it is. 

No wonder you have the ST name you have (and I love it). My mom used to take us out driving, primarily in parking lots, but not at age 11. The problem with this is that SS is going to be scolded for mentioning it, and here come the secrets. It puts you all between a rock and a hard place. Your best bet might be to offer suggestions to SS when he is alone with you all or when he has phone privacy and leave the BM out if it. Odd, I know, but I can't think of any other route to take. 

It's definitely not good but there's nothing that can be done about BM's stupidity. If he hits something or someone then it will be on her. That said, if he was driving in a deserted parking lot or an empty road, it wouldn't be that bad.  I do let my son drive my car up the driveway (it's a manual transmission) and he's 14.  

My dad started driving when he was around 12 I think.  My grandfather was an alcoholic and I suspect that that is why he started driving so young.  He likely was driving my grandfather to get liquor or moonshine and possibly taking my grandmother to the store.  (my grandmother never learned how to drive)By the time he was probably 14 or 15 he was driving by himself.  He actually got caught by the sheriff once.  He just told my dad not to do it again.  Dad told him ok, then got back in the car and drove away.  This was back in the 50's though, so I don't think the laws were as strictly enforced back then.  

I'm mid fifties, grew up in a rural area, and started driving at eleven.

I also think you need to let this go. Yes, it's aggravating and probably yet another example of BM's less than stellar parenting. Yes, her immature "rules don't apply" attitude will probably get passed down to her son. But this is who your H chose to breed with, and the outcome of that is sadly predictable. All you can do is try to set a good example and hope your SS absorbs some of it.

I would be concerned. I understand that some responsible parents may let their mature child drive in very "safe" spaces and be ok/happy with that but it sounds like this BM is not responsible. Also to me most 11 year old boys just don't have the maturity to be driving.

I think I would look up the penalty for letting a minor drive underage in your region and then send an email to BM recapping the conversation, her reaction and then an overview of the penalties. I would explicitly state that the boy's dad does not consent to him driving underage. This is to clearly state to BM your position and to cover your backs if anything does happen.

Then next time the boy is with you I'd have his dad go over the penalties with him too and highlight how easy it is to kill or severely injure himself or someone else with a car and that driving one is a huge responsibility that you do not want to burden him with at his age. 

Let him know that when he is of legal age and has shown enough maturity you will support him learning to drive, so that he doesn't come away with the impression that dad never wants him to drive. 

My dad started letting me drive when I was eight. Very tall, I could reach the clutch, brake, and gas, and it was great. Normally he'd take me to an abandoned air runway, where there were miles of concrete and no other vehicles, but sometimes on 2-lane country roads. 

I wouldn't stress too much about this one. Sounds like BM enjoys getting a rise out of you & skids' dad; might be better to tell the kid you're proud of him and emphasize driving is a privilege that requires utmost safety, since you're managing a vehicle that could end someone's life, including the driver. Diffuse the BM drama and use it as an opportunity to encourage the kid. 

I'm firmly in the not driving at 11 camp. I live in a small city. It's no place for an underage driver. Even outside of my city, our roads are no place for an underage driver. I do realize that there are rural areas where there is no traffic, but that does not mean it is safe for an 11 year old to drive. Heck, they don't even recommend an 11 year old operate a riding lawn mower.

It's one thing to let your underage child drive on your property. It's another to let them drive off property. It's illegal. Rural roads are still roads. You need a permit/ license to drive on them. I've never met an 11 year old who I thought was mature enough to drive on my property, never mind off property.

Can DH change what BM does? Probably not. 
I do like Beth Anne's idea of talking to SS and notifying BM.  I might send it in a letter, signature required, though.

Not on the roads. If they have property where SS-11 can drive in a field or something, then I think it is a great idea.

I could drive just abou anything by the time I was your SS's age. I got my first motorcycle when I was 6.  Not a lawmower engine in a frame, an actual motor cycle. Small of course.  I progressed up the motorcycle size and power scale over the next 10+ years and I was taught how to drive our stick shift 4X4.  

My riding and driving was in the desert when we were overseas and then on my GP's farms when we were visiting them in the summers.  Driving tractors, dune buggies, trucks, etc.......  

But never on the roads until I was licensed.