Still live at home and struggling.
I've been with my husband 19 years. His kids were 4&8 at the time. They came to live with us when they were 11&15. They are now 23 and nearly 28 and still live with us.
The SS23 is polite, hardworking, helpful and respectful, most of the time. Has just bought a house and moves out with his GF soon. SD 27 is lazy, self centred and unmotivated.
My husband has worked away for more than half of our marriage and I had to raise his kids alone after their mum dumped them in the doorstop. I have never wanted kids myself and realised they would be part of my life. But not like I thought. I would never have seen them with nowhere to go as they're my husbands kids so, I did my bit.
However, at nearly 28, I didn't expect she'd still be living with us. She works 2 full days a week and sits round the house the rest of the time. Rarely does her pots, wears her clothes a few hours and puts them in the wash for me to do. Never helps with any housework. Works in a shop but would t think of bringing any coffee or sugar home when we run out, despite her being the only one who drinks it!! To top it all off, last night she poured candle wax down the bathroom sink and blocked it!! She's getting on for 30 for gods sake!!
I am getting to the stage where I don't want to go into my own home when I know she's there. When I bring anything up with my husband, we end up arguing. I just think he doesn't know what to do with her. But knows she can't financially support herself so can't just kick her out. She has a boyfriend who is buying his own place because she couldn't be bothered to save to help buy it together. She's no intention of going anywhere and starts the waterworks when you say anything to her. I could understand and cope if she was a teenager acting the way she does but she IS NOT. Any advice would be welcome. I just don't know what to do anymore. Sorry for the rant but nobody else I know is in my situation.
Start by doing absolutely
Start by doing absolutely NOTHING more for this leech. You shouldn't be doing her laundry in the first place.
Secondly, she certainly could support herself if she took on a full-time job. She is deliberately under-employed. Light a fire under her. Tell her she has until the end of October to find a full-time job and strt paying rent, utilities, and food. Get your husband on board with this and how to go about it. Ignore the waterworks. Sit it out. Youi know it's all for show and pure crocodile, so let her finish her tantrum and continue.
Another solution is to tell her she'll be out on 1st November and that you'll be changing all the locks. You might want to check up on how to legally evict someone where you live before you do this. Again, your husband needs to be on board with this.
Is your home a rental or do you own it? Because if none of the above is going to work, there aren't dozens of other solutions - the only one I can see is that you move out. A variation on this is, if you're renting, both you and your husband move and leave her to work it out. Honestly, she'll survive. Just make sure she is warned beforehand.
Frankly, finding a small place for yourself is probably the easiest solution.If you own the house, let your husband know that you will want your share in it , so if he wants to buy you out ...
We have a mortgage on our
We have a mortgage on our home. I have looked at moving out on occasion but I have dogs and very little places round here will rent to dog owners. But to be honest my husband and I have a great relationship and sd is the only sticking point really. I think he feels bad that her mother dumped her and he doesn't want to do the same. Albeit she's not a child anymore.
I have the awful feeling even if we got her out she'd end up back. I feel like dumping her back at her mothers door!
Oh boo hoo
Poor little princess has to pull up her big girl pants and move on with her life.
Your DH has already more than taken advantage of your kindness in having you raise his kids. Now it's time for him to be daddy and push his over grown baby out of the nest.
Talk to a lawyer about tenants rights and about what you are entitled to in a divorce.
Give the crying grown baby her deadline to get out.
Lay your cards on the table that she has x amount of time to leave. If he balks, have eviction papers and divorce papers ready and ask him which one he is signing.
Depending on the lawyers advice, move forward appropriately.
You have given him and his kids way too much. He needs to man up or he can live alone with his daughter.
"If he balks, have eviction
"If he balks, have eviction papers and divorce papers ready and ask him which one he is signing."
WooHoo! Standing ovation, Aunt Agatha! Brilliant!
Whoa, what a great option I
Whoa, what a great option I have never seen on here before. Awesome.
Do not do ANYTHING for your
Do not do ANYTHING for your adult sd. When you do laundry, do not do hers. Since she is the only one who drinks coffee, stop buying the coffee & sugar. Are you paying any bills for her, such as cell phone etc? If you are, STOP !! Where ever you can make it uncomfortable for her, you make it uncomfortable.
I also like Aunt Agatha's advise "If he balks, have eviction papers and divorce papers ready and ask him which one he is signing."
Other than that the only thing I can think of is to purchase a nursing bra for your dh since he seems to like keeping sd on the titty!
Good luck
I agree with Aunt Agatha,
I agree with Aunt Agatha, give her a deadline to get the hell out, it's past time.
Why are you still doing her laundry, or anything else for her? Stop.
She pays £30 a week rent at
She pays £30 a week rent at the moment. I only did her washing as it saved on the drier and washing being on more than necessary to do some of it with everyone else's.
thanks for the advice but I will not be divorcing my husband over this. We will be having a serious discussion about it whilst we're away next week. I know he is fed up with her now. So I guess we need to find a solution going forward. I think he's worried she'll do something stupid if we kick her out, that's his main concern but we can't live our life like that forever.
I have had the put your big girl pants on a few weeks agi when she wanted to quit her job as she can't take criticism at work or home!!!
I think we'll have to give her a time frame to leave. Maybe not next month but within the next 6 months and she will be paying a lot more rent until then and doing her a lot more chores. I'm hoping she get so fed up with living here her Boyf will have her!!!
She pays £30 a week rent at
She pays £30 a week rent at the moment. I only did her washing as it saved on the drier and washing being on more than necessary to do some of it with everyone else's.
thanks for the advice but I will not be divorcing my husband over this. We will be having a serious discussion about it whilst we're away next week. I know he is fed up with her now. So I guess we need to find a solution going forward. I think he's worried she'll do something stupid if we kick her out, that's his main concern but we can't live our life like that forever.
I have had the put your big girl pants on a few weeks agi when she wanted to quit her job as she can't take criticism at work or home!!!
I think we'll have to give her a time frame to leave. Maybe not next month but within the next 6 months and she will be paying a lot more rent until then and doing her a lot more chores. I'm hoping she get so fed up with living here her Boyf will have her!!!
Yes, she is so comfortable
Yes, she is so comfortable there, she has no incentive to leave. Paying very little in rent and not having to do anything, why would she want to leave?
How long has she been seeing the BF?
She's been with him 4 years.
She's been with him 4 years. They were supposed to be getting somewhere together but that all went wrong. Supposed to be looking for another job - she hasn't. Says she has but then when you question her more about it she can't answer the questions because she's lying. It's just like living with a teenager. She's just stomping round the house at the mo because we're all not speaking to her after last nights debacle. My husband went mad at her about the sink and she just stands there staring at you saying nothing. It's so frustrating.
I'm surprised the BF has
I'm surprised the BF has stuck around for 4 years. Sounds like he has her number, though. I wouldn't bet on him taking her off of your hands.
We had to give SS 24 at the
We had to give SS 24 at the time a deadline to move out, no ifs ands or buts. He had a pt job in a liquor store . We had paid for courses for a career he said he wanted but changed his mind after passing the exams. So we tried enough to get him launched. He had a million excuses but we didn't budge. He ended up at his mothers.
I made sure dh knew i did not want SS coming back.
Failure to Launch
My two sons were drifting toward this type of situation in their early 20s. Basically we handled it by recognizing and then telling them that it would be easier for them if we help them become independent NOW versus them having to figure it out on their own once one, the other or both of us dies. It takes a lot of the sting out of it, at least on our side of things. There's guilt, but not when I think about the fact that we are all aging. Learning to be independent at the age of 44 has a lot less forgiveness from the world than when you are in your 20s and nobody is doing anyone any favors by allowing them to mooch. Ultimately the bottom-line goal of parenting is to ensure they are able to survive without you.
Good luck.