Step son pretends I don’t exist
Hello. Recently my 4year old step son has started to pretend I don't exist and has become down right nasty when it comes to me. His father and I have been together since he was 1.5 and we were very close up until about a month and a half ago. Now he refuses to tell me he loves me, goes out of his way to tell me he loves his mom, he starved himself for 2 days because I was the one making the food and asking him to eat. He won't thank me if I make dinner. No matter how many times my husband tells him who makes it. He goes out of his way to see everyone in a room but me. If I ask him to put his shoes away when we get home he throws them on the ground and goes upstairs. I ask him to do something he won't then his father does and he does it right away. It's getting really hard being around him and I even told my husband I don't want to be around if I'm going to be treated like this. Has anyone else experienced this and if so how did you handle it
I would say that you can't
I would say that you can't let a 4yo end your marriage. However, DH needs to step up his forceful oversite of SS-4 and demand that he interface with you politely. As many hours standing with his nose in the corner as are necessary to get the message across would be advisable IMHO.
DH also needs to direcetly discuss BM's manipulations with the 4yo. "You love BF and she loves you. Whatever your mom is telling you is not true. You know what mom is saying is not true and you can't let what mom says change how you love BF because it does not change how BF loves you. If you mom says bad things about me or BF, you need to let me know so I can fix it with your mom."
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Apply the facts in an age appropriate manner and keep applying the facts as BM escalates. Eventually your DH may have to drag BM to court with reems of records of her manipulative lying bullshit to smack her around in front of a judge with.
Good luck.
This is
I read it 4 times and didn't
I read it 4 times and didn't see one mention that they think BM is to blame for this. But you are ready to drag her into court?
I suppose that to do nothing
I suppose that to do nothing is always an option but I will leave the option to do nothing about toxic bullshit in their blended family lives to those who take exception to confronting toxicity in the blended family opposition..
Sounds like he might need
Sounds like he might need some family therapy. Maybe it is BM, maybe he is feeling something totally on his own. He is 4. They have big feelings in little bodies.
This behavior has to end, it isn't healthy for anyone involved. I really think the only thing you can do is try and find out the why behind it.
Yes, exactly. The OP didn't
Yes, exactly. The OP didn't say anything about BM. It's entirely possible that he's just getting older and thinking about his "two moms" and trying to sort that out. Need more information.
So what is DH doing about his childs disrespect?
Is it possible he recently
Is it possible he recently figured out the difference between SM and BM and is feeling confused/conflicted now? Or recently learned what a "normal" family is or something along those lines? If you've been around since he was tiny he probably saw you the same as his mom basically before and that seems to be about the age questions about family structure start getting asked.
My other thought would be BM or even another relative may have said something. But I met my SD at 4 and she was like that pretty much from the time I moved in and it hasnt changed much. I handle it by being disengaged.
Odds are it is BM who is
Odds are it is BM who is taking exception to how close the 4yo and SM are.
Though certainly there is no mention of the BM in the OP.