Tell your husband that since he won't stand up for you and seems to be fine with his son treating you like dirt, you will no longer be at any event that the son is at, and DH should see him outside of your home.

The "kid" isn't obligated to like you, but you aren't obligated to be around him either. And you certainly don't need to be treated rudely in your own home. 

My husband doesn’t stand up for me, he thinks the sunshine’s out of his sons ass!

Since your H chooses to not stand up for you, you will have to set firm boundaries when it comes to being respected and stick to them. Your H may lack the b@lls to demand respect but you don't have to.

Stand up for yourself. Start with Dh. He can unclamp himself . He would not be tolerating disrespectful behavior towards you coming from any other young smart*ss.... just because this one is his son doesn't make it ok.

Tell unclamp Dh your issues with his son. Tell him you hold him just as much a party to the rudeness as his son. Why? Because he chose you for his wife and this is now your home. No one can make the SS like you, but your Dh can indeed assure your SS behaves in your home. Dh can show him the door and yank the 'welcome' mat.

You wouldn't be saying he couldn't see his son occasionally outside the home (lunch , golf afternoon, whatever), but when SS comes to town SS can stay in a hotel if SS chooses to misbehave in your home. 

Life goes on for the rest of the family that have manners and can socialize without nonsense. The SD and your bio children can still be invited over and occasionally family dinners/celebrations out minus the SS. 

*duplicate*. 

I am in a similar boat. I have decided to step back and only talk with my step daughter when I need to and that her dad can figure out rides and what all she needs ex. She is very very ungrateful and I just do not have the energy anymore to deal with her when at the end of the day have no say and she knows that. Good luck and try to stay positive. 

Every time your SS makes a snide remark, say loudly "I beg your pardon, WHAT did you just say?!" Force him to repeat it so your dh hears it. Make him own his nastiness.

As for your dh:

"Honey, either you put a stop to your son's disrespect or I will ... my way..."

Welcome to the site!  Your husband is behaving like a knob in allowing his son, who has been an adult this last decade, to treat you in a disrespectful manner.  I would tell your husband in no uncertain terms, that you will not tolerate being treated like dirt in your own home, and that if he wants to see his son elsewhere, it is up to him. 

When he makes snide remarks ask, "Why would you say that?"  

When he acts rude ask, "Why would you do that?"  

When he treats you badly ask, "Why would you treat me that way?"  

It sounds like his behavior is going unchecked by everyone.  If he was confronted he would either have to respond or stop.  Unfortunately your DH is spineless like so many divorced daddees so it falls to you to stand up for yourself.  

If your DH doesn’t know what to do, you can give him instructions. “DH, when your son is disrespectful to me it is embarrassing that you allow it. I expect you to correct this behavior, otherwise I will.”

You DH is likely to give you lame excuses—he didn’t hear/see anything, SS was just kidding or, my favorite, you are too sensitive. Don’t let him bully you into backing down. 

Apparently DH is more concerned about hurting SS’s feelings than yours. No go. 

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time with your step son. My Fiance has kids of his own, and I'm afraid of similar things happening to me someday. BUT I do want to say that your husband should definitely step up and defend you. Him allowing his son to treat you that way is not cool what so ever. If he refuses, you might as well leave him for a better one who WILL treat you right. It's sad to think that the one person you decided to marry can't even defend you when its needed. He doesn't need to chew his ass out, but he at least needs to tell him to be respectful especailly if he is to be in your home.

another advice may be to try and talk to his son privately in a calm and nonconfrontational manner. Be open-minded to his words and as well as ask for open-mindedness on his part. There's no reason why both of you need to be living in such negative states. if he's just a dick, at least you did your part to be the bigger person. It's hard but trust me your soul will feel much better.

If none of these ideas work, write your pros and cons of reasons to stay or leave the current relationship youre in. You may be surprised of what you may find out after truly digging deep and searching your thoughts and feelings about the situation. THERE are A LOT of people out there. 

Goodluck!

I am 14 yrs older than his eldest daughter, 16 yrs older than his son. 

Ss is the only one who lives with us when not at university and he’s been a never ending souce of discomfort for us.

when hubby got sole custody of him in the divorce, he was already alienated from hubby courtesy of the pas bio mum inflicted. He emotionally abuses everyone, including hubby (we’re talking about a decade now), ss enjoys the emotional abuse he inflicts on everyone because to him he’s in control of everyone and he manipulates and guilts his way for everything to the point hubby just can’t parent him. 

Hubby tells him he needs to change his attitude and behaviour that it’s unacceptable and ss invents “imaginary stress syndrome” or makes excuse after excuse. If its not that he threatens to run away from home because he knows his 2 sisters abandoned their dad and if ss runs away because he’s sulking like a little shit, that this will manipulate dad into backing off

i had to spell it out for hubby the lack of respect that he has for anyone, that he answers back to hubby, lies to him. 1 day while arguing about ss i told hubby i had enough!! What kind of husband allows, encourages and enables their son to abuse his wife and their 2 kids? A bad one!! What kind of dad allows their son to abuse his 2 siblings?? A bad one!! 

I told hubby he was a poor excuse for a dad and it was shameful he openly allowed this to continue for over 4 yrs that no person should have to tolerate this and that i was done and wanted a divorce. That all this time he never prioritised us, everything was cater to ss at our expense. That now i was done and hubby could enjoy life alone with ss

it was at this point hubby admitted all 3 kids from exwife we’re incapable of being decent humans, that ss would never be able to care for hubby in old age and would abandon him. I asked him then “why do everything to alienate us and push us out of your life?” It was then hubby switched back on and realised he’d been played for a dumb fool all along

ss knows his flaws, there are plenty of it but rather than admit it he thrives on putting others down. He loves to over exaggerate things and often would tell hubby why is the baby crying all the time (meaning our kids), he was trying to paint me as a bad mum. Lucky me my husband knows when its been a bad weeks due to colic, teething or kids have been sick so hubby will say kids cry for many things like the above... i feed my toddler veggies he tells off hubby why are my kids eating veggies like i did a bad thing. Lucky for me hubby tells him “your sister has been eating veggies for months and this is normal”

he goes out of his way to show that we aren’t family in any way and i told hubby that he didn’t deserve the title and respect of being called brother and everytime the inlaws would comment how my son is just like ss in looks etc (they are not alike), i told hubby that this comment really rubbed me the wrong way because our son is nothing like his half brother. Whenever those comments happen, hubby says our kids are nothing like his kids with ex. Most of the inlaws see the pure dysfunction in skids...

you are lucky that your sd is on your side and catches ss out. My ss has told his dad he doesnmt acknowledge me and say a basic hello because i am a stranger. This made hubby angry because i am his wife and had 2 kids with him, i am not a stranger. I haven’t spoken to or had ss speak to me in 2 .5 years i think... he’s home from university every few weekends. 

Hubby sees when he is home and intentionally ignores me, pretends i do not exist... i have told hubby as of 6 months ago that i am done of anything with skids especially ss. I want nothing, no relationship just nothing!! To be told by my husband for 4 yrs to be patient for ss to get his head out of his arse is unacceptable. 

There is no relationship, it is irreparable. I actually told my dad once that if my husband passed away tomorrow, i’d buy a 1 way ticket back to my country overseas and never contact skids ever again.  They’ve never wanted anything to do with us anyways. And when my husbands family ask them where am i and our kids theu’d shrug their shoulders

like many say here, you don’t tolerate disrespect in your home. Skids shouldn’t dictate they’re able to make it disharmonious. My dad whom i vent to often, told me to ignore ss, he is a lost cause. Just go About my day like he doesn’t exist. So me and our kids we do the usual housework, they play in living room, we go about our day as usual. Hubby forces ss to empty trash everyday but other than that ss locks himself in his bedroom.

 I look forward to the day if he is even capable of, getting a woman to settle down with him. I see him as the man this woman comes home from the hospital literally in tears because she finally sees him as a sexist lazy shit.

he actually laughingly tood his uncle that child rearing was a womans job which is why he never carried our kids or showed an ounce of affection. My bil pointed to my hubby and said parenting is a dads job too, thats why your dad is holding your sister to comfort her to sleep. He’s gonna be a stellar guy. I see him calling his dad who has at that point retuired overseas ahinging his wife left him and took the kids. When hubby asks what he did wrong he’ll reply in third person that he never did anything to which hubby will say clearly you upset her and eventually it’ll come out that his wife asked him to help out at the home, help with the kids because thats his job and instead he told her that was a womans job. My other horror vision is ss calls daddy and says he’s moving in temporarily with his wife and newborn baby so we can help out. 

This will be a total “f*ck no!!” From hubby, i’m sure of it. We raised our own kids with no nanny, no family members helping out during the asian confinement period, he can bloody do the same...