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Just a thought- Has anyone thought of having an affair just to feel like an attractive, desired, respected human again!

shayj's picture

Not that I've done this but I am sure that this is a thought that many have had. I know dealing with blended families sometimes you just need an outlet to get away from the madness. :?

Comments

dreamingofhappiness's picture

The thought crossed my mind a time or two... then I realized that my relationship with my husband would be ruined. and I could not bare that. My husband and I do have a great relationship. The children and the BM we discuss on a regular basis, but it does not define us.

See, my husband is a truck driver... he is rarely home.. I spend many many days and nights alone... so for that reason alone the thought has crossed my mind just to not feel so lonely... then I realize that I am not alone, I have great friends I talk to daily, i have a great family, and I trust my husband, so If I trust him, he should be able to trust me....

Ifeeya's picture

sorry but you are a fool for trusting your DH, being that he is a truck driver. Man has needs.

Soon-to-be-Step-Mommy's picture

So any man that drives a truck is a cheater? That is a ridiculous statement. A man can take care of his "needs" with his hand.

Rags's picture

Hate men much? :?

Cheating is a matter of character not of gender.

bbgf's picture

aww, this is a bad sign!!! It means you feel disconnected in some way to your DH. Sometimes Skids can really place a huge wedge between you and DH but you have to find a way to open up and reconnect. If the issues surrounding the Skids have become overwhelming- maybe you and him need to take a break from them- and take some time for each other!!! Even an overnight get-away can help. You must find a way to spend time together and talk things over. Open up communication and you will find that these kinds of thoughts won't enter your mind!!

BBGF

crystalyzed's picture

I never really thought of having an affair, but I can totally relate with feeling like the over worked ugly step mom always stressed out hardly ever happy, feeling unattractive, disrespected, just like SHIT really. I do feel like running away......quite often.....to feel good about myself again. I can relate to that, but never thought of having an affair....yet anyway.

shayj's picture

I have not had the thougth as me and DH have 2 BD's and I take my vows very seriously. I have recklessly thrown the big D (divorce) word around just to get my point across. I was just wondering have others thought of this as a coping mechanism.

newbiemommy's picture

I've never thought of an affair. But this morning I was really remembering how it used to be with us. And that I miss when I felt attractive and wanted. The thought did cross my mind that I winder if hes cheating. I KNOW he's not that's just the feeling I get. Why doesn't he pay attention to me at all anymore?? I know it can't always be like the beginning but its been bad lately as far as intimacy and time together.

shayj's picture

newbiemommy, we went through this once we had BD's. It just seemed that we were working taking care of kids and sleeping just to wake up and start all over the next day. We finally started having a date night. A night to be grown ups without hearing "mommie", "daddy". Sometimes we would send the kids to their grandparents house and just lay around the house and watch movies (amongst other things) Wink You just have to find a way to get back to the place you were before.

krazykate12's picture

I have NEVER thought of having an affair. For the rest of my life I only want to be with my husband. I have however thought of renting a small bachelor appartment and living there by myself everyother weekend, leaving DH with his daughter (3.5) and our daughter (14 months). I would want to bring my daughter with me but she deserves to have time with her sister so I would have to suck it up and miss her all weekend. Unfortunately this would never happen, I can't afford to throw the budget out of wack just so I can have an everyother weekend getaway, lol.

smileygirl's picture

I agree with you here. I wouldn't ever have an affair. Aside from loving my husband and my family, I just don't have the time nor the energy for something that would just make more drama in my life. BUT I have considered how nice it would be to start spending weekends, atleast ocassionally at my sisters house. It could be like when we kids and shared a room...but with kids and wine. Smile I thought hotel with a pool too but that was also a big financial drain for nothing. Perhaps you have a friend or family member who would enjoy a bi-weekly girlfriends sleepover.

sloopysgrl's picture

Ok this happens from time to time, you lose track of what is important. I come from a family where my dad had full custody of me and my older sister and my step mom raised us. My dad was a full time over the road truck driver. I’m sure my mom felt lonely and at times really did not want to spend every day of her life taking care of kids that were not hers. But she did. I don’t ever remember her not being home when I got home of leaving us alone. I remember how she welcomed my dad home every time he came home and every time they did the "code phone call" where he would call and let it ring once collect then my mom would call back so they could manage the phone bill just so he could call and tell everyone good night and that he loved and missed him. The life of a truck drivers wife is hard and I am sure it is harder when there are step kids involved. I am telling you as a friend do not have an affair. If you don’t think you can handle this life tell him and maybe he can try to find a local driving job. This would be the honorable thing to do and you will not feel guilty in the morning. Just pray about it, and you will find what you need...

Soon-to-be-Step-Mommy's picture

Yes the idea has crossed my mind, but I would never act on it. I am a firm believer in karma. What goes around most definitely comes around in some form or another. And I surely don't need anymore bad luck than I've already been dealt! Of course I also love my husband and the guilt would be unbearable. And if I went and cheated, that would open up the doors for him to cheat as well.

Doubletakex3's picture

Yeh but I've been around the block enough to know that even the best sex isn't worth the drama!