How much longer
My HB and I have been together for 2.5 years. From the beginning he has been very protective of his two children, especially his daughter who has him wrapped around her finger. My issue is the following: HB children live with us every other week. So I consider myself their mom and should be able to correct them or at least tell their dad so he can. 2 things happen when I do. 1. HB tells me that he will leave me if the kids are so horrible (which is not true, but he does not like criticism) or 2. He asks me why I like them to be in trouble (what is not true either) I am to the point now that I do not say anything and that makes things very difficult. SC are very different when dad is not around and deny things they do. Let's face it no kid is perfect. Also my kids never warmed up to him, even though he has really tried. I am to the point now that I almost regret meeting him, falling in love and blend the families. Everything was so much more peaceful before. I have changed as a person, more stressed not as happy. What to do, I love this man but not the family situation it has created.
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I know how you feel, i love
I know how you feel, i love my hb but not the family we have together. my ss listens to nothing, back talks, hits things, hurts my daughter and our dog. I have change alot myself also, my daughter even notices that i'm not happy anymore. personally i'm in the process of finding my own place. i have been looking but after posting on here i feel more cofident that i'm not making a bad choice by leaving. i'm doing it for my girl's safety
That is exactly what I am
That is exactly what I am struggling with. I know that my kids have not made things easy but I also know that they are kids and we cannot take them very serious. When I am alone with my girls, we have fun and I do not feel tense. On the other hand I really love my husband. Perfect situation for me would be that we live in separate households and see each other without the kids around. at least for a while.
The more I read things like
The more I read things like this, the more a re-evaluate my own relationship. I'm only 4 months into my relationship, but if BF was constantly threatening to leave me, I think I'd let him go ahead and do it.
Wow that's BS!! Luckily my BF
Wow that's BS!! Luckily my BF allows me to punish the skids... We both make rules.. The first time one of his kids said they didn't wanna listen to me BF said " yes you do! She is an adult and she is in this home, and when she tells you to do something, you will listen!" And they do! They might give me a dirty look and be mad for a whole 3 mins before they are on my lap blabbing in my ear again lol, but BF moved into my house and his kids have rooms there.. When we have the kids, if BF is working I have them, so you better believe they are gonna listen to me.. And when BM has them for a week I feel like we have to re-parent them, cause BM is so lazy, and let's them do as they please, when we get them they are whining, don't want to listen and so on.. Ugh lol.. Its like we have to teach them manners all over again when we have them.. Anyways lol, I would not allow him to tell me that, he should be an adult and realize that if your there, the kids need to listen to you, and be respectful..
I can relate. I call my
I can relate.
I call my Stepson the "m" word... which is the first letter of his name...
If I utter the "M" word in anyway, my husband immediatly takes the offense... even if it's something really minor... I mean I basically run our household..he's always working, his son is generally with us most times..and I have two other children... I treat all the kids the same.. If I said to my DH "Our daugther is not sleeping enough", he will respond "I know, what should we do?"...If I said to my DH "SS is not sleeping enough", he will respond "so what! IT's normal! What was I supposed to do about it! maybe he's just an early riser! Sorry I can't be a perfect parent like you!"... ah... this is every conversation by the way... so I try not to utter the "M" word at all... it's tiring.
I think that shows very
I think that shows very little respect for you and your role in the house.
My DH and I have issues about this from time to time, but it is more subtle -- I will (gently, in my opinion) correct bad behavior, and DH will "defend" the behavior by making an excuse (e.g. "he didn't MEAN to put a gash in the coffee table"). The result is that the kids don't listen to me, roll their eyes and look to DH to confirm anything I say. Not good.
That said, DH knows this is a terrible, unmanageable dynamic and he is working hard on keeping his mouth shut. On my end, I try to only correct them if they are doing something that will hurt me, my belongings, or the people that I love. If they are doing bad things that only affect their own lives (e.g. ignoring homework, having a big brawl with each other) i step aside and let DH yell (and man...he yells A LOT louder and harder than I ever would!)
Thank you Crayon and
Thank you Crayon and dguiwh2334, I loved your posts and they are really helpful!
I can relate. I wish I could
I can relate. I wish I could unblend these families. We are perfect when they are not around. But, when I wanted to leave last year, my son talked me out of it. Read my blogs. It gets worse when they are teens. I am sorry for the struggle, but if you can leave then I would. We are to entrenched now. If I leave then BM and SD14 struggle will have all been for nothing. But, honestly I loved my other life and wish I had appreciated it more. (((Hug)))