Am I a bad bm/sm/ dw for not accepting my ss yet?
my dh tells me im not being fair, it isnt right, hes accepted n loves my 2 children n our baby together but I havnt accepted ss yet and ive bn with dh for 2.5 yrs. I cant act, cant hide how I feel, if im annoyed, I look annoyed, if im happy, I look happy,sad etc. dh says I look at ss as if hes an insect, idk, I probably do, not gonna lie or try to make myself appear to be something im not. its true, I cant stand ss, hes a brat, bm n her family spoil him rotten, gets everything he asks for, toys, candy, but no real love nurturing, affection, bm & family are all money hungry greedy materialistic shallow people. ss is aggresive, bm abandons him, proritizes her dh n social life over ss, I understand why ss is so bratty his home lifes horrible unstable, violence, alcohol abuse, and the hate resentment bitterness between me, dh n bm. shes posessive, jealous, obsessive. I see bm in ss, he looks like her n ss biological father(NOT my dh) he whines like her, sounds like her, lies like her, aggresive like her, should I have accepted ss by now? dh says I shouldve, tries put a deadline on ss and me accepting and bonding w/ eachother, bm will never allow it even if I tried. ss is used to being babied, carried around, flips out(like bm) if doesnt get his way, ss3 still wakes up thru the night, over-clingy, cant leave dh side, dh has sleep w/ ss3 even tho dh cant sleep fr ss waking up, crying, moves around. bm has ordered ss not be around me, or my home, ive never known what was best, everytime ss wss here, cuz hes so bratty, just constantly trying to discipline him, time outs, talking to him. when I am allowed around ss again should I just start acting out of love for dh act as if I love ss and accept him?
I don't get this either. If
I don't get this either. If DH isn't ss's biodad why is he insisting his exwife's kid be involved with the family? I can understand if HE helped raise the boy cause biodad wasn't in the picture, but bringing him into his new family seems odd? Is there more information?
I think you owe it to your DH
I think you owe it to your DH to treat his kids the way he treats yours.
Always amazes me how much more open and willing men are.
Yea, I'm not sure why your DH
Yea, I'm not sure why your DH thinks you're being unfair by not bonding with some random kid. Strange.
I suspect you just got your
I suspect you just got your initials mixed. This kid is your husbands son. Anyway either you hide it perfectly or you go.
Have you disengaged? http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
It's ok that you can't bond
It's ok that you can't bond with the kid. There is NOTHING wrong with YOU because you can't bond with this kid.
People make this grand assumption that people have to bond with children, or there is something wrong with them. It's a silly and hugely misguided assumption. I mean, it's not like we walk around as adults and BOND with every single person we come across. In fact, we all know that there are many personality types that we, as individuals, don't connect with and never will.
With that being said:
You still HAVE to figure out a way to hide your strongest feelings of distaste.
Everyone on this site is here because we are struggling with blending our families together. Shit, I can't stand my own skids. I stumbled across this site by googling, "I hate my step-kids..."
It all boils down to "how" you handle YOUR feelings. And if "handling" them means "hiding" them -- then to a major extent you are going to have to hide them.
Start practicing that poker face.
I mean, perhaps you work? Is it appropriate to show all of your feelings at work? Or, do you have to pretend that a customer/client/co-worker doesn't make you sick to your stomach?
If being "professional" with the kid is how you get it done, then start being professional.
Reign it in girl. If you can't, you will need to walk away because you won't be doing anyone any favors by staying.