Nickia, I agree with you on a lot of what you have said, but in my experience posts like this on ST usually don't go well and are met with lots and lots of replies on how someone feels justified in blaming the child, or on how their situation is very different from yours and you couldn't possibly understand, or that their SO is a piece of gold and the other parent is a low-life piece of trash and it is all their fault, or on how maybe they don't blame the child and they understand that the parents are responsible, but they come here to vent about their frustrations which may include thoughts that they feel guilty about having or couldn't possibly express to their SO...

Luckily we don't have many problems with SS's behavior. Despite having a pretty screwed up family dynamic for the first several years of his life, a father who was never there and a mother who is genuinely crazy, he's turned out to be a good kid. I can't for the life of me figure out how we managed to form such a well behaved child out of our messed up situation, but I am sooo thankful.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

I am commenting to say, I will no longer comment on these type of posts - what has it been, a whole week since the last person 'figured it out' for everyone? LOL!

I always feel it is a BM whose child misbehaves at the step's house, who doesn't want them to be held accountable there.
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"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself." -
Will Rogers

Life itself is not black and white. It is many different shades of gray. While it is true that the behavior the child manifests is not only learned, but tolerated by their parents most often because the parents feel they are depriving the child of that fairytale family, it is also true that people are only human and have human emotions. Most here, myself included, can reason that there are underlying issues that cause a child to behave as they do as well as the comparative fault of our partners in attributing to and enabling that behavior, but just as it is a basic human need for love, it is a basic human emotion to feel pain, frustration, apathy and anger towards the person who is actually espousing that behavior.

What I sense from most of the people here is that while they may feel these very basic emotions about their stepkids and while they vent what their inner most thoughts are here on this board, they, like myself, will swallow those feelings when the time comes to act and actually do the adult thing.

I think what people seem to forget is that even though we are adults and we should only have adult thoughts, we are still living breathing people with feelings.

lol these posts make me laugh...this is a support site for step parents, it is a place to vent....if you dont like the posts...THEN LEAVE!

I've actually been seeing a lot of posts lately that have been holding Biomoms and biodads responsible for the behavior of the child. I'm sorry that you haven't also seen these posts. Maybe stick around for a bit and you'll notice that many of us do hold the parents responsible for the behavior. Then again at some point the child does recognize right from wrong and has to be held accountable occasionally for their own mean side.

Perhaps you can pick a few members and just read their entire story (if the blogs still exist)...you'll see in many posts anger, frustration,a sense of futility and even a bit of humor as they try to cope with the things in their head.

Sometimes venting it out rids the mind of ugliness and makes room for better things to grow. It's just a process, a cleansing process that I think some people get stuck in. Some keep repeating the vent cycle because it's so helpful to them. I have adverse opinions about the things some people say about their stepchildren but as long as I see them growing and changing with each vent then I feel the site is serving the purpose it was built to serve.

Everyone has a different way to cope. Some people feel that by indulging their resentment and anger they are forcing their mind to stay in that black cloud of bad emotions. Others feel getting it out is the best way to rid their mind of the issue.

No outside person can say which way is good or bad...that's an individual choice the blogger must make for themselves.

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland

This is how I see it.

If everyone else is allowed to come here and say whatever they want in regards to their skids, right down to stating that they hate them, then you are very much so allowed to come here and say that you think that was a little harsh.

For some reason the people that will string you up right now after writing your blog, are the same ones that will "vent", rather harshley, about their skids.

I say to hell with it all. You are allowed to come here and bitch, fuss, vent, say whatever you want. That's what the site is for right? Well that's exactaly what you've done, you've stated your op. I know that I have felt this same exact way from time to time. Now I've learned how to just skip right over the blogs that I know I don't have the stomach for!

"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie

Well...I'm gonna take a whole different approach...and I'm gonna be 100% honest...when I read some skid bashing posts I get really upset....my SM made my sister live in the basement...(and this is no joke)...I had the wicked SM from Cinderella, so yea...it makes my stomach turn when I read some of the things people say about their skids...u can just HEAR the hatred, jealousy and insecurity when u read between the lines....HOWEVER... I do believe that people need a forum to vent about their frustrations, so I bite my tongue....it is my HOPE that if someone is able to vent about their frustration here, then maybe they won't take it out on the child :(......however, if u put it out here for all of us to read, be prepared to hear things u may not agree with....its the way dialogue works....

A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....

lol the wicked SM. is it possible to also have wicked stepkids?? i have never mistreated the monsters yet they seem to find a way to upset me every weekend, it never fails. Just because we vent our frustrations and name call doesnt mean we do it to them in person. this is a place for most to vent those evil thought so it doesnt turn into actions in our everyday lives...after all, is it really healthy to bottle emotions? when you do, they fester and turn into a huge infection of resentment.

The path to enlightenment cannot be handed down by stating the obvious, nor can it be hindered by such. Welcome, and write what you wish. I know I could not have come so far these past two years without the friends this site has brought into my life. I have gotten far more than I have given. The good the bad the ugly.

To each his own.

Peace...love...and red wine.

Sita

My posts under my previous name are gone. If you had read them, you would see that I am one of those "skid bashers". You would also see that I hold BM and DH accountable for SD's behavior. They are the ones that absolutely created this monster. Furthermore, I hold them 100% accountable for turning a blind eye to her behavior and doing nothing to curb it. DH is turning around (finally!), but BM is still keep on keeping on.

Do I love my SD? Nope. I don't even like her. I seriously cannot find one single redeeming quality. Yet I tuck her in every night, encourage her performance in sports and academics, sew her halloween costumes, cook her favorite foods, take her shopping, hug her, comfort her when she's sick or upset, and generally treat her like my own. I'm volunteering in her classroom, working backstage at her school performances, teaching her multiplication tables, letting her help bake cookies, and on and on and on.

So what do I do? Leave a man that I dearly love because his child (that will only live here another 10 (gasp! 10) years is a horrific brat? Take the SF that my children adore from them because no one likes his daughter? Insist that she go live with her mother, even though that's the last place she needs to be? Or do what I've been doing - venting here and going to therapy to help me deal, all the while pushing DH to have his daughter evaluated?

Seriously, Nickia, I'd like to know. What would you have me do?