What's a healthy amount of contact with Bm...
...when skids are grown?
This morning BM called DH and DH immediately left the room to talk with her. I only knew it was her because I heard him say SD22's name out loud a bunch of times. I wanted to eavesdrop, but I controlled myself and did not go out of my way to listen in. DH did not mention once all day the phone call.
My DH doesn't say much, so I don't know how much contact DH has with her. SD22 is almost 23 and a college graduate. If anyone read my last blog, you would know DH feels that once our children are 22 and college graduates, they can no longer with us. I think the problems BM has with SD22 are self imposed as SD22 lives with her, doesn't pay rent, and is allowed to blow all her earnings as a waitress on partying. DH is firm about what he thinks he will be with our children, but appears to indulge BM's problems with SD22. He allows her to use him for emotional support instead of saying that she should kick SD22 out and be done with it, as well as say to her that she should find someone other than him for emotional support.
I'm just venting here. I just find it annoying that for a man who doesn't share much of his day with me, that he is there for a woman he divorced 15 years ago. I don't ask for his help disciplining our two toddlers, so why should he help BM with an adult?
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I didn't mean he doesn't
I didn't mean he doesn't discipline our children. I just meant that I don't "need" him to tell me how to raise our kids. I handle things as they happen, and don't go "Wait til your father gets home...".
There is a potential drug
There is a potential drug issue, but it's not to the point where SD22 doesn't go to work or steals or anything.
DH clearly can't stand BM,
DH clearly can't stand BM, and he's so bull-headed about how he is going to handle our boys at SD22's age, and that's why it seems so odd to me that he bothers with these calls. I know if DH and I were to split, I would never contact him about our children unless it was a true life or death issue. I just don't understand him or her.
Yeah, I've NO worries about
Yeah, I've NO worries about BM being involved with DH. There's not one ounce of fear or uncertainty about their feelings toward each other. I just don't like having unnecessary parts of his past creeping up. I wish he would cut the damn strings already!
You are so right that they didn't raise SD22 well. They show me what NOT to do.
Um...none? Then again, I'd
Um...none?
Then again, I'd just have soon have no contact with her now! }:)
Be a few more years before SS13 is grown, but everybody's gotta have a dream, ya know?
I agree. I figured once the
I agree. I figured once the CS ended, he would be able to go years without contact. It's just annoying.
I wish.
I wish.
Wish you were our BM.
Wish you were our BM.
Your parents' divorce sounds
Your parents' divorce sounds highly unusual. BM and DH in my case were/are high conflict, so anything like that would never even be a consideration.
I have no problem with weddings and babies, but an ordinary weekend?
They're going on 15 years
They're going on 15 years after the divorce. They're not buds, but BM needs to find someone else to get support over her issues with SD. DH gets cranky, and knows I would give him my 2 cents, so I think he deliberately does not tell me about them.
DH last year (after some prodding on my part) finally grew some small balls and allowed some boundaries at SD's college graduation by refusing to sit near BM, or allow SD to have a party at our house since she would insist on BM and BM's family.
I just don't understand this woman...cut ties already!
Unlike BM and DH, you must
Unlike BM and DH, you must have raised your daughter properly, and you know how to cut ties. My DH and BM do not get along, nor do they know how to cut ties. I've heard him say multiple times he would love to see BM bleed from her eyeballs, and still allows this. Annoying.
Maybe because you don't
Maybe because you don't contact each other you are able to be civil on the rare occasions you do?
Interesting about it being
Interesting about it being about DH's background; I never thought of that. It's certainly not a Golden Uterus issue. He wanted/s more children, but he said he would never in a million years want more than the one child with BM. DH comes from a completely dysfunctional but intact family. BM also comes from an intact family, but I don't know if they are dysfunctional or not. Based on current circumstances, and my experience from the sidelines, I'm inclined to believe they also lived in dysfunction.
DH does not have any contact
DH does not have any contact with his ex. Even with two graduations, a wedding and a grandkid, they did not talk on the phone or through email. No need for it.
Sooo lucky. Your DH sounds
Sooo lucky. Your DH sounds awesome.
"Mine and DH's view on this
"Mine and DH's view on this could not be more opposite but meh, I'm learning to let it go. She is an ex and I'm here married to him so she's the one trying to desperately hold onto a lost cause...which is really quite sad and pathetic."
I agree! It IS sad and pathetic! The woman has no life. She doesn't work, and she enables SD22 to be a waste of a human. And she seeks DH for "help" with the issues she created. I just blame DH for allowing himself to be involved at all.
Like many of you posted, I can't imagine myself contacting an XH unless absolutely necessary. How would you move on otherwise??
I would think this, and
I would think this, and honestly think he would enjoy that, but he doesn't mention any contact, so for the most part I don't even know about, and thus can't act jealous.
My DH is so bad about sharing information that at one point out of the blue he texted me, "SD22 is a mess on drugs" and NEVER elaborated at all, even after I asked. When I asked, he got snippy with me and said he doesn't want to talk about it. He gets my curiousity piqued, but then shuts down.
Your relationship with your
Your relationship with your ex sounds more appropriate. That communication was in regards to a life event, which makes sense to me. It's this ordinary, stupid fights between BM and SD that shouldn't even happen at this age and BM requests DH's input to help that annoy me.
When SD was a teenager, BM would frequently request DH to go to their house and have a serious discussion/enforce discipline because SD wouldn't listen to BM. I thought that was ridiculous at the time. This current contact seems to be the "adult version" of those discussions, and it just shouldn't be happening at all.
Luckily I don't have any
Luckily I don't have any worries about their association. If he wasn't talking about SD or his parents, then I would definitely have something more to worry about on my hands. I know they don't have any "real" association; he had to ask me for her address the last time he had to send something to SD (who lives with BM).
I know she is only hitting him up for emotional support regarding an out of control adult SD. I've never agreed with how they handled SD, so my biggest guess is that DH is 1) annoyed that SD is so immature to begin with and 2) knows that I would insert strong opinions regarding the situation and he would prefer to pretend it didn't exist once he hangs up the phone.
My husband has not spoken to
My husband has not spoken to BM since SD got married at 18 and CS ended because of it.
He made it very clear to her many years ago that once CS was done, so were they and he would never have to speak to her again. This was after she told him that they were bonded for life and he told her, "Oh, no we are not!"
Lucky! DH has moaned to me
Lucky! DH has moaned to me that he can't stand that BM will never be out of his life because of future life events like weddings and grandchildren. I wish he would learn how to cut the strings. He doesn't NEED to have contact with her. I wish he'd change his number and not give it to her...
If my DH ever, EVER
If my DH ever, EVER entertains any communication with BM EVER again, he will be getting divorce papers. NO REASON TO EVER (unless the BM is normal and reasonable).
^^^^^Same here.
^^^^^Same here.