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OT: SIL and FB

z3girl's picture

I've blogged in the past about how awful my SIL (DH's sister) is. I could write a novel about all the examples of why she is just a horrible, self-entitled selfish person. It's hard to believe DH is related to her, except she is similar to MIL, just a thousand times worse.

Some background: a couple of years ago, SIL texted me some awful rants about pictures I had posted on FB of my sons' birthday party. She was going through a divorce which sucks, but she is just unbelievable. She claimed that it hurt her daughter to see pictures of the party during this difficult time. I texted back that we had invited her, and she insists we didn't even though I checked with DH to see that he had emailed her an invite. I finally had enough and texted her that since she had never bothered to so much as send a birthday card or text of any kind for any of my children ever before, and I was sorry, but I was not about to not celebrate my own children's birthday. She became enraged and wrote a whole bunch of other things, then refused to answer me when I tried to smooth things out with her. I should have unfriended her then, but I didn't want her daughter to be caught in the drama. Instead I changed my settings, so it only looks like I am never on FB.

A year ago, SIL emailed DH asking for money. We have money in the bank, but we don't trust her with money. FIL had recently told us he had cut her off financially. MIL and FIL had been paying her mortgage since the divorce process started, and they had enough. She then asked DH if I could take a loan against my own family's business for her. We're not talking just a couple of thousand dollars. She works in physical therapy, but for some reason can't seem to hold a job, and is always on vacation. Her ex (who we thought disappeared) had taken her back to court to get him off their mortgage, and she didn't qualify for any loans with her work history. DH did not acknowledge her asking about my business, but said as much as we would like to help her, the amount we could help with most likely wouldn't be enough. She thanked him and said she'd figure it out.

Normally MIL and FIL are not in our state for Easter, but this year they were. We had Easter with them, and they told us SIL would be coming with her two kids. She showed up late as usual, and while I said hello, I noticed DH was very distant from her. He had asked me a few days earlier if she had ever acknowledged our children's birthdays, and I told him only one when she attended our middle son's first birthday party.

When she left, I said goodbye to her and the kids, but I noticed DH was busy avoiding her. His parents went outside to see her off, and then she started ranting in the middle of the street, calling DH names to their parents. MIL and FIL came back in and asked what was going on. DH said he was tired of her not acknowledging our children (one had a birthday a few days ago) when we have always gone all out for her. MIL and FIL understood the issues, and said that she doesn't even talk to FIL anymore because he stopped paying her bills. The day ended with us being fine with MIL and FIL, and that was it, or so I thought.

That night DH was acting all angry, and I was concerned that he was upset that I finally told MIL and FIL about SIL's behavior toward me and her asking for my family's money. He said no, then said SIL has been texting him. The next day he finally told me what she said. She ranted that he is a horrible person, insists he cheats on me, says our children are misbehaved, and claims our one son has ADHD because we don't pay attention to him. She also said DH is out for their parents' money, and he is a criminal.

I had a good laugh out of it. Calling DH a criminal and saying he is out for his parents' money is so absurd that it's actually funny. Calling him a cheater only shows me that she is trying to hurt him, but saying anything against my children just infuriates me. I stayed out of it, and I suggested to DH he not get into it with her either since she is clearly delusional. We both think the wise move is to save the texts and simply show them to FIL if he were to ask us why we are not talking to SIL. It's unlikely to change our normal interactions with MIL and FIL regardless.

I saw today that it is my Facebook anniversary with SIL. Part of me wanted to post over the top loving pictures of my children with my brother and his family to show what they are missing. I realize that is just drama inducing, so decided to simply unfriend SIL and her daughter. I didn't block her, but she is not my friend, and I don't see us being one big happy family in the near future.

I am grateful to Facebook for allowing me to stay close to my cousins overseas, but I am so not interested in drama. I can't believe this post was so long even while cutting out the majority of the drama with SIL! It feels good to get it out though. Whew!


z3girl's picture

That's exactly it. She's really not my friend, so there's no point including her in my life in any way.

uofarkchick's picture

To be fair, I have no idea when my nieces' or nephews' birthdays are. I'm not close to my siblings and I rarely see their spawn. I don't acknowledge their birthdays and my siblings don't acknowledge my children's birthdays. It's just the way it is.

And as for Facebook... My sister is a toxic, using, piece of crap herself so I blocked her from social media. No point in pretending I give a shit about her or her life.

z3girl's picture

I think as long as both sides are like that, it doesn't matter. If she doesn't want to bother with my kids, that's fine, just don't expect me to not celebrate my own children's birthdays, and don't expect me to celebrate hers. Everyone on the same page.

I have such mixed feelings about Facebook. If it wasn't for my family in Europe, I wouldn't bother at all.

I'm not friends with my own siblings on FB. I can talk to my brother in person Wink

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Your SIL sounds disordered, and you can't expect disordered people to behave reasonably. Distance is definitely your friend here.

I'm curious about the cheater accusation. Why would your SIL choose to lob that particular grenade?

z3girl's picture

The cheater part does get tricky. My DH and I were a bit "non-traditional" before we had our children, so he had us online looking to meet other people as a couple. Along that journey, he had also put up profiles for himself on regular dating sites. I know all about these, and there's nothing sneaky about it, but it's not very "traditional". In more recent years, he has a longer commute to work, and our home life is so energy-consuming that we haven't been involved in any non-traditional adult activities, although I'm sure he peruses things online. It's not something we care to announce to the world, so we're not about to explain it to SIL.

SIL is now divorced and on dating websites, and must have found one of DH's profiles, and threatened to tell me. DH told her to go ahead and send it to me and we'll have a good laugh about it. He told her I know where he is 24/7. He's right. I know to the minute when DH gets home every single night. If he has the energy, and the ability to somehow cheat on me while being able to earn what he does, he would be superhuman.

So...DH and I are very happy with each other, and I'm happy enough with my own self that I really don't worry about things like cheating. My gut says everything is fine, but if he wants to leave me, I'm well prepared to support myself and our children as well. I think that might be why we're so happy with each other. We don't "need" each other, but want to be together.

I'm only annoyed that SIL has to be angry enough to want to hurt DH (and myself) to even say threaten that. I can't imagine why someone would go to such when it's not like we are all that close. Just crazy.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Thanks for explaining. You and your DH are consenting adults, so rock on with your bad selves.

Acratopotes's picture

DH can simply block her calls, there's no reason what so ever not to do so....

I would also block her on my social media