Pulling my hair out - Rant beware if your easily offended! Lol
Firstly, yes it was me who referred to SD5 as a Tramp and I stand by it, she is and so is her BM.
Secondly, Thank you for the people who defended my comment, I am not a nasty person but this is the ONLY place I am allowed to say how I feel without this place I would go mad and probably would treat SD badly, at least my frustration is vented here and not at SD.
And just for the people who clearly think people like me should not be allowed near their kids, trust me I wish I didn't have to deal with someone elses kid BUT I do and I am nothing but nice to a child who does nothing but act up and is disrespectful, the only time she has manners is when she is gaining a new toy or gift or day out, faced with day to day living she is a selfish, horrible child who cannot show any respect ao anyone let alone me.
Anyway, my rant now................Last night BM called SO to demand to know why he has refused to speak to SD on Skype, this was because he was busy, it was 8pm and SD should have been in bed, then the phone gets handed to SD and she is wailing and crying down the phone as to why Daddy didn't answer the skype request.
I am sitting there seething, fistly the kid should not have access to skype, secondly, if she does have access and Daddy doesn't answer what gives that slag of a woman BM the right to ring my SO and demand to know why he isn't answering??
Honestly, it drives me mad, this kids constant whining and SO cannot see that BM is using the kid to get to me. I HATE HATE HATE her and her kid.
And worse news...........the little TRAMP is coming to stay this weekend.
Oh god, I hate my life the weekends we have her.
- Wishitwasdifferent's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I can identify with your last
I can identify with your last sentence, I have my SDs17 & 15 at the weekend, and believe me, it gets no easier. Your SO sounds like he has the ability to set boundaries. He should carry on doing this, and refuse to speak to BM if she rings for stupid reasons.
Over the years, my DH has cut down his phone contact with NPD BM virtually to zero, he always puts the phone down the minute she raises her voice. It has improved our lives considerably, that she knows she cannot bully him any more. She used to threaten to not let the SDs come over, and carried it out a few times, but after a week or two with no contact, she'd always be asking to reinstate the arrangement. You have to stand up to bullies.
''The best thing you can do
''The best thing you can do is NOT respond in any way to what they say or do. The second they have you hooked on a comment or an action then they see it as a victory...sad individuals I know but that's how these sort are.
Carry on as per with whatever it is that you do, for YOU, and let them get on with it.''
Yes indeed! DH would put the phone on speaker and walk away, leaving her to rant to thin air. The SKids came in one day and they sat and listened to her screaming down the phone and had to walk away in case she heard them laughing at her. She eventually hung up! Still, to this day, do not know the reason for the call and we do not really care.
Ah, the product of her
Ah, the product of her environment.
This weekend have a little chat with her. Tell her that Daddy cannot Skype all the time. And if she 'makes a fuss like a baby' she will be going to bed 1 hr earlier because she is too tired.
If you lay out the basic rules for her then she is theoretically on the same page as you both.
And def. ignore the abusive calls. Take notes of dates and time so you can use it possibly in the future in court.
You need to disappear when
You need to disappear when she is there. Disengage completely.
i get the tramp comment. my
i get the tramp comment. my cousin's daugther acted very sexual and trashy at 5. sticking her butt in everyone's faces, dancing like a stripper, and constantly talking about bf's. she got pissed at me and my bf for sitting together and because he kissed me. don't you know that he was supposed to making out with a five year old instead of sitting by me? :O it's abnormal, but it does happen. some kids are sexualized way too early, and no she was not abused. she's just the product of her mother.
My SO does tell her off for
My SO does tell her off for being rude and disrespectful but then she will just cry and demand to speak to BM on Skype, he usually gives in to calm her down and then there is the fact that he suffers from GUILTY DADDY SYNDROME so he allows the kid to get away with more than she should so he does not appear to be telling her off all of the time.
No point me trying to tell her anything, she just ignores me, flaty refuses to answer me, she is rude.
I try and get busy, I save all of my jobs all week on the weekend she is coming (EOW) and iron all night or clean something or take a long bath but still I have to see her at some point and our house is small so I can't get that far away from her.
Sometimes I think it would be easier to end it with SO but then why should I give up the man I love for this ignorant little shit? Why let her win? I used to try so hard to be nice to her, I would take her places and buy her things and play with her but it got to the point where she was only nice if I was indulging her and I saw that as a cue to stop, I do not and will not buy my way into anyone's life, especially this little tramp.
Her behaviour is just wrong, she showers with her Dad and asks him questions about his manhood, I really think he should make her take a bath alone while he just sits and supervises but I haven;t mentioned this yet as it has been one argument after another with her recently and I ahve learnt to pick my battles.
Oh god, will it ever get any better?
Maybe Guilty Daddy and BM
Maybe Guilty Daddy and BM need to come up with a set time for princess to talk to each when she is at the other's house. That would do away with the angry calls from BM because precious princess couldn't get ahold of DAAAADDDDDDYYYYYYYY and calls to BM when she gets in trouble at Dad's house.
OMG cant believe he showers
OMG :jawdrop: cant believe he showers with her. I can only echo what everyone else has said, he's gonna raise a terrible spoilt child and you will be the one paying for it. Disengage completley. Your in for a hard future.
Echo, I agree 100%. I broke
Echo, I agree 100%. I broke up with a guy once when I found out he showered with his 6 year old. It freaked me right out, and I couldn't stand to touch him after that.
And according to OP, she's a
And according to OP, she's a tramp already, so why not dangle Daddy's dingle in her face? I think she's had some assistance being made into a "tramp."
Dangle Daddy's dingle?
Dangle Daddy's dingle? LMFAO!!! Say that 5 times fast!
I absoltuely agree. Children learn what they live.
SO see's nothign wrong with
SO see's nothign wrong with taking a shower with his kid and in NO WAY would he ever abuse her, he see's it as they have a shower because they need one and anyhow SD would never take a bath alone, she is far too needy for that BUT I think at some point he needs to review things, she is growing older and I feel it is wrong now for him to be naked with her.
I might bring this up soon, something else to argue over no doubt :?
Trust me, CPS won't see it as
Trust me, CPS won't see it as innocent.
When you say your SO would
When you say your SO would never abuse his child you are wrong..... he is doing just that by showering with a 5 year old who already acts like a tramp.... and I agree that CPS would most definately NOT be impressed by this information if presented with it.
It's gross and wrong on so many levels
Your DH is the one you should
Your DH is the one you should be seething at. You're pissed because BM gives the child access to Skype with DH, but then you state that your DH does as well. You mention the Guilty Daddy Syndrome as though your DH is the victim of it. He isn't. He chooses it. He's teaching his child to behave the way she's behaving. It's HIS fault.
Your DH has no business showering with a 5-year old girl...daughter or not. I do not believe that at 5-years old she chooses to behave like a tramp, but I do believe that your DH is doing everything right to break her into learning to make those choices. That's disgusting.
Wait a minute. You think a 5
Wait a minute.
You think a 5 year old staying up after 8 is a problem.
A 5 year old using skype is a problem.
5 year old crying is a problem.
A 5 year wanting a toy each time she's in a store is a problem.
However, a 5 year old showering with her dad is normal.
Nope, the child is not the problem here. Her creepy dad is.
However, a 5 year old
However, a 5 year old showering with her dad is normal.
Hmmmm when did I say that? No I don't think it is normal BUT I am also not this childs BM so really it is nothing to do with me and the child does not live with us.
I don't think it is creepy of Daddy, it is something he has always done since birth with her, maybe he just needs reminding that she is growing older and maybe it is time to pack it up.
Everyone parents differently, I AM NOT A PARENT, which is why I ask advice here on what is the norm to you all, but then again 'whats normal'? Lol
And yes in my opinion a child of 5 needs to be in bed by 8pm at the very latest, they should not have access to skype on demand and they should not demand anything ever and yes that is down to her parents to teach her manners and right from wrong but with all due respect it is difficult to put right in 2 days EOW what she is learning from BM 24/7.
It is never clear cut is it?
I am also not this childs BM
I am also not this childs BM so really it is nothing to do with me and the child does not live with us.
I'm not trying to bash you or be a brat here, but someone needs to say it. This most CERTAINLY DOES have something to do with you, if you know it is going on in your home when SD is with you. If you knew that your SO was letting SD smoke cigarettes would you turn a blind eye, if you knew that SO was letting SD drink beer would you turn a blind eye? Him showering with his 5 year old daughter is disgusting and wrong and I know it would put you in a crappy position to do it, but SOMEONE needs to pull his head out of his ass and stop this or report him.
DaizyDuke It is not against
DaizyDuke
It is not against the law to shower or bathe with your own child, I think you need to realise that just because a parent is naked with their child it doesn't mean they are or have any intent to abuse their child AND NO I will not be reporting my SO. That is such a ridiculous statement. Absurb.
I actaully spoke to my SO last night about his shower habits and he said that recently he had felt uncomfortable around D in the shower and that anyhow she sits in the shower and he stands with his back to her and washes himself and then gets out and she washes herself then, he said that as she had started to ask things he felt it was time to STOP. Obviously he has to wash her hair for her it is long and she cannot properly wash out shampoo herself but he does this from outside the shower over the bath.
I think your comment about drinking and smoking is also pretty daft, who would allow a child of 5 to partake in these activities? But then again if SD was doing something I didn't agree with it is NOT my job to sort it out, she is not my child.
You know half of the time I think us Step Parents (although I don't class myself as that as I have no feelings for this child) stopped trying to control what our Step Kids do we would not be so pissed off. The way I see it is this.............SD stays at my home EOW, if it was left to me I would not have her here but I love my man and accept he wants her here EOW. What she does is nothing to do with me and not a reflection of me. Her learned behaviour is from her BM who is a Tramp, naturally SD is following in Mommy Tramps footstep and SO cannot put right in 4 days a month what she has learnt from living with BM alone for the last 4 years 24/7. It is impossible.
If the child is rude to me or interferes with anything that is mine she will be told by me what is and is not acceptable and she can like it or lump it. How she treats SO and what he allows her to do is up to him, in time he will learn that he is not doing her or himself any favours and he will change his behaviour towards her accordingly. People have to find out themselves.
I am not and have never been a control freak. The only person I can control is ME and I think us people with Step Kids (yuck) have to accept that especially when the kids do not live with us, if they did then that would be a different matter, then we would have control over the way the Step Kids conduct themselves in our homes and if we cannot accept or change the way these kids are we need to access of we are doing the right thing for ourselves.
I do not give a flying f*ck about SD5 if I never saw her again it would not turn a hair on my head.
But to say my SO is abusing his child??? I am sorry but your not really in a place to judge, you don't know him and bathing with your child is not abuse. I suppose we all have our opinions and I could go on but in truth I cannot be arsed, I have better things to do with my time
A man showering with his
A man showering with his 5-year old child, who is perfectly capable of washing herself is abuse. Even if she needs help, there's no reason for them to be in the shower naked together. She can get in the tub. She can wash herself & he can help her wash her hair.
Yes, your SD is learning inappropriate behavior by your SO's examples. Perhaps she is also picking up poor behavior from BM, but your SO is reinforcing it.
To say that he can't make a difference with 4 days a month is an excuse for just letting it happen. He isn't any better a parent than BM is. BM's just an easier target to point your fingers at.
Well that is your opinion and
Well that is your opinion and for the record nowhere on the NSPCC's website does it say that nudity in front of your own children is abuse. If he was touching her or getting her to touch him then yes.
Just of of curiosity, in your opinion is it acceptable for BM's to bathe with their D's?
Some people's minds are warped. It would not cross my SO's mind to see this as something sexual, that seed is not there, so I wonder what sort of person does automatically assume abuse????
In my opinion, there's no
In my opinion, there's no reason for adults to bathe with their children. If a child needs help an adult can help them, but there's no reason for adults & children to be in a shower or tub together.
Children should be taught about privacy. When they aren't getting it or giving it, they aren't learning it.
And I agree with you that
And I agree with you that there is no need but if they still do at age 5 that does not constitute abuse and as I said SO has already decided he is not comfortable with it anymore.
And yes I agree kids should be taught about privacy and if I see SD peeing with the bathroom door open I tell her the door needs to be closed while she is using the bathroom and then I close the door, same as if she comes into the bathroom when I am using the bathroom I tell her she needs to knock and wait for me to answer instead of just barging in.
BUT it takes time for habits to form and BM has the lions share of time with her so of course SD will do what comes natural and BM has no house rules so she does what she wants and neither me or SO can control what goes on in BM's house.
why is it that every time
why is it that every time some so called normal person hears dad daughter naked they automatically think of disgusting , molesting , pedophelia behavior ? it sickens me to my core when sick people push their disgusting beliefs on people who not only do not act in any such way , but who dont even think in such disgusting ways about their own daughter .
i am a man who was raised by nudist grand parents , nudist parents , nudist aunts and uncles , and nudist cousins . i had the good fortune of being raised by people who never had the disgusting thought you so called normal people have regularly . and who never taught me to have those thoughts . i have raised 2 sons and 3 daughter in the same way my parents raised me . communal showers , healthy , not disgusting , view of nudity , my children , and the love i have for them .
you normal people may not be able to be naked around a child without molesting them , but the rest of us can . please leave us out of your disgusting , thoughts .
I find it funny that you got
I find it funny that you got so riled up at the fact that I dare say that your BF showering with his 5 year old daughter is wrong.. but yet you state you spoke to him last night about it AND you checked on the NSPCC website to see if it really does constitue abuse. You KNOW it's wrong and gross, but are choosing to turn a blind eye because your SD is a tramp and you looovveee you BF so much. Carry on.
Denial, big time.
Denial, big time.
Whatever. You are clearly
Whatever.
You are clearly the kind of person that looks for the worst in every situation and critises people for researching situations before they open their mouths. I prefer to get my facts right before I open my mouth.
I came here looking for advice and support. And when I read through posts its always the same few thinking the worst. I am a member of another forum and posted the same question and got helpful responses like some of the ones I got here. Not once was it deemed abusive to shower with your own child at age 5. Neither was I accused of encouraging abuse.
And I am not riled. Sorry to disappoint you. You do not have the control to rile me. I check on websites to satisfy my own thoughts. Not yours.
I sense there are some bitter people out there. Maybe your should research your suspicious thought process and stop accusing a loving Dad of abusing his kid.
Oh and by the way maybe you should check out the NSPCC website. It might give you an idea of what abuse actually is.