I think I hate my stepdaughter
I hate writing this. I hate feeling the way that I am. I’m angry all the time and I need help. I need an outsider to tell me what to do to make my life better for everyone I love and myself.
my stepdaughter doesn’t listen. She purposely doesn’t listen. It takes my husband and me telling her over and over what to do and there being a huge meltdown that leaves everyone depleted just to get her to do simple things. Brushing her teeth, hair, taking a shower, doing her homework, etc; have all been a nightmare. It’s always been like this but it’s gotten increasingly worse over the last few years. The only thing I can attribute it to is the fact that her mom is remarried and had two more kids (ages 2 and five months). This behavior REALLY started when her mom became pregnant for the first time after my stepdaughter. And rightfully so. She wanted a family and she got one. My stepdaughter has always been included there and her stepdad (even though he’s a raging psycho to us) is good with her and always has been. Same goes for her mom. She’s a terrible person to us and is extremely high conflict but I feel like she’s always been a so/so mother. She’s busy with two babies now so I know she doesn’t have much time for my stepdaughter anymore.
anyway, just wanted to give you a bit of a background.
my husband literally walks on eggshells around his daughter. He lets her get away with everything and gives in and gives her things instead of her working for them because, well, he’s a lazy dad. She has been increasingly terrible here and I am at my wit’s end. I used to have so much patience for her but I just don’t anymore. She purposely does things to upset everyone in the house including my daughter. She has such a nasty attitude and makes fun of everything she does. My daughter is a good kid and she listens when I tell her to do things, she never gets in trouble, does her chores and is a good student. I have ALWAYS treated them the same up until recently. I started giving my daughter more freedom and she gets rewarded for things. I do this with my stepdaughter also but I felt so guilty when my daughter did well and my sd didn’t and my daughter got rewarded for it. Not anymore though. I’m done with that. If one kid is doing the right thing, they’re going to know it and sometimes get rewarded for their behavior.
So anyway, she has a nasty attitude and talks back whenever you tell her to do something. It doesn’t matter what it is. When you tell her to clean her room, she will just sit up there and do nothing. She’s disgusting. She chews gum and puts it all over the place. Stuck on her bedroom floor, carpet, toys, everything. She will lie right to your face and say she did clean or she didn’t do it when clearly she is lying. She makes up stories and I just can’t believe anything out of her mouth. She slams her door, the car door, the bathroom door, cries if you make her take a shower, fights with you, says things to hurt your feelings, steals things, and just recently she started hitting her two year old sister at her mom’s house saying she hates her. She lied to us about that too. Every morning before work, it’s a nightmare. She gets up hours before school starts but is never ready when it’s tome to leave. She fights non stop when you tell her to pack her water bottle or brush her hair or teeth.
She has made me so angry that ive gotten to the point where I just yell at her now and don’t want her around me unless she’s acting like a normal kid. She does this fake voice and fake laugh and gets her iPad taken away from her constantly for bullying kids or doing inappropriate things. She won’t let me have a moment to myself with my daughter. She gets really jealous and starts proclaiming how great her mom is or something that she thinks will upset me. Like “my mom hates you” or something of that nature. She throws her slimy messes (literal slime she makes out of anything she can find secretly because it’s not allowed here anymore because she has literally destroyed every room in the house with it all over th walls and carpet) all over my car. She never picks up after herself and when you tell her to it just turns in to a fight. My husband doesn’t do anything to correct this behavior. Only I do. And I’m really freaking tired of it. Her and I used to be SO CLOSE but she literally has no respect for anything or anyone and she is spoiled and thinks she is entitled to things. Just today she told me all the things she wants for her birthday right after she got in trouble for almost breaking my car door every time she gets in and out of it. I took her clothes shopping a couple of weeks ago and she was sneaking things in the cart and then when I saw them and asked her she would say “you said I could.” Obviously I did not say anything of the sort.
We think she has oppositional defiant disorder and i have been telling my husband EVERY DAY to call these psychologists I have found to make her an appointment. She went to therapy once but the therapist told her mom that her behavior is because of her mom so her mom pulled her out. Yay. Now we are basically dealing with a monster. I work, make most of the money, take care of the kids, do all the driving and picking up, and I feel like I am just taken advantage of by my stepdaughter and husband and I have a baby on the way. Stressed is an understatement.