So after winning custody almost 3 years ago, DH is actually contemplating letting SS12 go live with his mom.
DH's first reaction 2 weeks ago when SS12 said he wanted to go live with his mom was "No way!", but now it's "maybe".
We spent thousands of $ on a lawyer, and there were good reasons why the judge granted DH custody instead of his ex-wife. But ever since, his ex-wife has been pounding it into SS12's head that he has the right to declare where and with whom he wants to live at the ripe old age of 12.
I'm not even asked my opinion, and my DH won't even tell me what he's thinking, other than that he's thinking about it. And then I'm told that I'm not allowed to discuss it with SS12, even though SS12 came to me telling me more about the "plan" that he and his mom have been concocting without me asking about him about it.
If SS12 is denied, his mom will probably just sue us for custody again, and I'll be dragged through the mud since one of his reasons for wanting to move is because in his words, "we don't really get along." SS's behavior will probably just get worse since his new M.O. is to talk about how he hates everything out here. But if he is allowed to go, DH will blame me for him losing his son. DH gets depressed every Christmas vacation when SS12 is gone for 2 weeks and every summer when SS's visiting his mom. So I'll either get stuck with a miserable wretch of a SS, or a miserably depressed DH. And it's not like I can pick the lesser of the 2 evils, since either decision is completely out of my control.
I just want it to be over. SS is enjoying his little power trip way too much.
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After throwing all that time
After throwing all that time and money in I'd be livid too.
I'd be beyond livid if I were
I'd be beyond livid if I were you. Not sure what state you're in but you can always look up the statutes about how old a child can be before they can decide. I know in Michigan, it's 18. In Colorado, there's no law stating a specific age, but that a judge will take the child's preferences into account as well as which home is in the child's best interest.
I'm so sorry you're going through that. Part of me wanted DH to fight BM for custody at one point and now I'm so glad he didn't. SD14 is a horrible brat and she now lives with BM full time and the peace at home is worth the increase in CS payments.
There's no magic age in AZ
There's no magic age in AZ that a child gets to decide.
The main reason that the judge granted DH primary custody was because BM started PAS'ing out SS back when she decided to move across the country to advance her career. She was unfortunately successful in completely ruining DH's relationship with her older son (DH's SS18), who was a real sweet boy up until then. So although my life would definitely be easier if I didn't have to deal with SS12 on a daily basis, I think BM would finally succeed in PAS'ing him the rest of the way if she had him 90% of the time like we do now.
Since my DH is in
Since my DH is in "contemplate mode" he has shut me out of his life. I know that he's devastated, and have tried to comfort him, but he acts like he's mad at me for all of this. So when I confronted him about how he's been so standoffish towards me, he rudely reminded me that it's not about me at all, insinuating that I assume that everything's about me. Well, great to know that, but you're still treating me like a jerk, DH!
since dh is saying maybe id
since dh is saying maybe id drop the ball right in his lap. with the stipulation that you will no longer fund his legally bills. he needs to go one way or the other but the decision would be his. he can live with that shit. i made this mistake. never again. i fought for custody of sd and got it shoved up my ass sideways. dh could have never and would not have went after custody. no with out me. maybe? my lord he needs to man up. im angry for you
Yes, this happened to me,
Yes, this happened to me, too. But my DH finally agreed to give BM custody, and I see the incredible waste of the legal fees as money well spent not to have to deal with BM or SD in my home anymore.