Boyfriend ex wife moving with Adopted Daughter
Hi, I’ve been dating my BF for almost 3 years and lived together for 1 year now. Him an his ex adopted his 6yo daughter who lives week on/off with us. Even though they have share custody his ex is always the one dictating how, when and where things are done when it comes to his daughter. She and I have never had a conversation but of course I’ve always been impacted by her decision making.
My relationship with his daughter is not great, maybe I am too strict, maybe he is too soft. She is a nice and sweet girl but we are struggling because there is not a clear system of enforced rules, consequences and rewards when she is with us. I tried to establish that with no luck. She cries and complains whenever she is told to do something she doesn’t want (homework, bath, bedtime). The tantrums are escalating and my boyfriend rarely gives her consequences for her behavior. She knows how to manipulate the situation an make my BF feel guilty every time crying saying things that will make my BF just give up and because of it she always ends up getting her way. We have talked about it several times but nothing changes. This has affected our relationship quite a lot. We are in our mid 40’s and I don’t have kids of my own, honestly I’ve never been fan of young kids, I don’t know how to talk to them or appeal to them.
A few months ago his ex wife told him she is moving away because of work. We have a house we love, we both have our lives and jobs here but he wants to move the follow them. He refuses to give her full custody and see her daughter once a month and on vacations, I do understand but I don’t want to move and I told him that. I am not sure if I am being too selfish but my life, my friends and part of my family is here, plus I really don’t like the city they are moving to. I love him and don’t want to loose him but I feel if I move We will be living a life directed by his ex and daughter and eventually the resentment will destroy our relationship. Thoughts? Comments? Thanks for letting me vent :)