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Update, I have to change my blog name to "Not getting married"

Undecided about marraige's picture

Ok, I tried and then tried some more to make the unworkable work with this guy. Everything is roses until his 14 yr sd calls or visits. Our wedding is in 6 weeks and his daughter asks for a 2 week vacation (she will fly here from Germany) and the 2 of them have planned a 5 night get away together (without me) to the mountains. They are getting a honeymoon style cabin in the woods (6 hour drive away) with a heart shaped tub in the 1 bedroom cabin with a hot tub on the porch with a "lovers view" of the mountains. This is planned for the week of my birthday (3 weeks before our wedding day) and I cannot go because I cannot take off that much time from work - which they both know. So I asked if we could all go together and just make it a 3 night stay but he got so mad he told me "I'm done" and walked out of my house and slammed the door and I have not heard a word from him since. This was yesterday morning. I have to say I'm hurt - I'm sad and also relieved it blew up before we said "I do" because "I won't" live this way or be talked to this way. The reality is our relationship was getting to inconvenient for him. I would not give in and move to his house (which is too far to commute) and he will not change the course of his plans to stay in his home. Ok. It's over. No going back no way no how. I just want to thank everyone here who tried to warn me. I was listening and it really helped save me. And I agree "friends don't let friends marry men with daughters"! THANKS!

Comments

Undecided about marraige's picture

You are so right in your comments. I'm so happy this site exists and kind caring individuals like you are here to give support! I have no idea if anything inappropriate has or will happen but I've always felt strange when she wants attention from her daddy by sitting in his lap or wanting to sleep in the same bed - I just know that he treats her more like the wife and I feel like the "other woman" so I'm out. Happy to be out too!

Icansorelate's picture

If he tries to make up with you, just re read your post. Unfortunately, I read your post so I am going to go take a shower- with bleach.

Undecided about marraige's picture

I'm sticking to my guns friends. I'm only looking forward and I'm sure my future will be much happier now!

yolo222's picture

What in the world did I just read.. father and daughter are going on a romantic honeymoon suite vacation.. That is absurd. And before your wedding.. I have to say this is very strange. It doesn't even sound like he want to include you in the vacation. My ex fiance was similar in that I wanted to be with him and or the kids all the time and he had no problem going on trips without me or spending holidays etc separate. That alone would not fly with me.. I want someone who wants me around.

I broke up with my fiancé as well so I know what you are going through... I'm so sorry this is happening, but I can honestly say that I am better off and you will be too. You should not be treated this way... BUT.. like Sue said.. he will come groveling back so what are you going to do?

SMto2's picture

I agree this little "honeymoon getaway" with her sounds GROSS! My worry is in reading your blog from February when you decided you were "done" yet until HE walked out on you just recently, things were still "on." I really hope if when he calms down and decides he wants you back, you'll stick to this. It definitely is a horrific situation that would be very unhappy to live with. I wish you the best of luck!

Undecided about marraige's picture

It is definitely over. I don't believe he will ask for another chance. And if he does I will not respond. I'm moving on and will enjoy life with someone who wants to be with me and have me included in vacations. I believe this romantic sounding get away is her way of pressuring daddy into doing something she knows will start trouble and he chose to take the bait (ok bad joke here I know!) :sick:

still learning's picture

And we wonder why so many skids are screwed up so badly when their divorced parents treat them like this :sick:

SacrificialLamb's picture

You dodged a huge bullet! I know it hurts now, but you would have been sentenced to a life of misery. The relationship between father and daughter sounds absolutely disgusting.

lintini's picture

:jawdrop: you lost me at heart shaped tub.... wtf! You are dodging a seriously huge atomic bomb explosion, not a bullet.

Acratopotes's picture

Good for you..... now if you ever feel like taking him back, first come and talk to us, he's not worth it...

I am mentally scared about the father daughter honeymoon, on your birthday, 3 weeks before the wedding...

libbie's picture

Are you sure they rented the cabin for a romantic weekend instead of the best price? If you were going to marry this man I bet you knew him well enough to know he isn't going to have sex with his daughter. If I am looking for best price I don't care how romantic the description says just that bs and I get the best place for the least amount of money. As a single parent most cabins aren't marketed towards us but towards lovers needing a get away. Does that mean bs and I can't have a trip to the mountains with out someone thinking I am having sex with my son? I think it's best he broke up with you and ended your engagement. I don't think you are mature enough to marry a parent.

thinkthrice's picture

I think I need a shower with bleach after your post, too.
Any NORMAL teenage kid is NOT that enmeshed with his or her parent. At 14, most NORMAL kids can't WAIT to go off with THEIR friends and not a weekend in the woods with mommykins or daddykins.

libbie's picture

She is flying in to see her dad for 2 weeks she has no friends. What is wrong with fishing and hiking on vacation with dad? I do that with my son does that make me a pervert?

libbie's picture

Assuming he is molesting his daughter is weird and immature yes. The poster is mad that she got dumped and everyone is siding with her instead of pointing out that maybe she is in the wrong. Oh well. Not my fight.

WalkOnBy's picture

how about the part where it's her birthday?

Would you be okay if your husband took his female kid on a romantic get away on your birthday and just before your wedding???

The reason no one is pointing out that she is wrong is because she isn't wrong...

libbie's picture

It says she is flying in for 2 weeks to see her dad from another country. So they have 2 weeks for vacation. I don't know if the other week isn't a good fit for vacation.

WalkOnBy's picture

how about any other two week period?

I don't believe for one second that it's a coincidence.

Besides, there isn't any other family this kid should see??

Sounds like this dude is now available, maybe you should get his contact info Smile

libbie's picture

Maybe it's her spring break or ticket prices were best. We don't know. I'm not interested but maybe he's the fella for you. Give him a call and find out. Wink

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Don't forget that heart-shaped tub!! :sick:

robin333's picture

So if this was a father-son trip, do you think that the lover's cabin would have been chosen? I'm betting not even if the cheapest.

It's just inappropriate. You call it immature but I call it icky. There is no way in hell my DH would book something like that for him and SD. He wouldn't take a trip without me.

libbie's picture

Have you looked up cabin rentals? One bedrooms are all marketed as lovers cabins. My bad for pointing out sometimes a single parent will take their kid on a vacation. Who cares how the cabin is described. A cabin is a cabin I doubt her is going to be taking a romantic bath with his dd.

robin333's picture

Yes, I have. Just stayed at one last weekend. Out of hundreds of listings, few one bedrooms were marketed as lover's cabins. Maybe it's regional?

I have taken DD on several vacations but I never stayed in a romantic setting with her. What adult is going to book a one bedroom with a 14 yo? Definitely not me even as a single parent.

libbie's picture

I usually rent the cheapest. Maybe it depends on the region but I have no problem staying in a cabin described as romantic because what it boils down to is a cabin is a cabin. I don't use the heart shaped bath but I will enjoy the hot tub.

libbie's picture

No its not. I have found many cabins to rent that are the same price. Ds and I love going to the mountains for vacation. We fish and hike and we even sit in the hot tub while the sun goes down. I'm sorry you can't understand that that is okay. I guess you guys think I should spend more and get a 2 bedroom when bs fits perfectly well on the couch?

WalkOnBy's picture

but that is a trip with your husband, not a teenaged SD...totally different.

I don't think you should spend more, but I do think you shouldn't book a room that screams SEX!!! with a teenage kid - of either sex...

momof3smof2's picture

I actually have been surprised by the jump by the masses to "child predator" and "rape".

After my divorce, before my current marriage, my kids and I spent a week every year at Christmas in a cabin like this. The nicest cabins in the area we like going to were similar to the one described in the original post. In no way did that translate to me having sex with my kid(s).

WalkOnBy's picture

Ummmm - the first thing that came to mind when I read the description of the cabin was that this dude is dating his daughter...

I have two boys and a girl. I was a single mom for 10 years, and we went on plenty of trips. It would NEVER have occurred to me to book a room with a heart shaped tub.

Ewwww.
Ick.
So gross.

You dodged a bullet here, my friend.

DaizyDuke's picture

That is beyond gross and weird. Let the lovers go on with their sick relationship. You do you. You dodged a major bullet here! Send that man a thank you card!

JustAgirl42's picture

I certainly don't agree with the way anything about this relationship has gone down, especially going away with the daughter right before the wedding and during your birthday. Plus, it should have been arranged so that you could join them too, at least for part of the time.

I have to wonder about the 'honeymoon' cabin thing. Could it just be that his daughter saw pictures of the different cabins and when she saw THAT one was like, 'Ooo, ooo, look at that and that and that!! Dad, can we pleeaasee stay in THAT one??!!' And, being the Disney dad that he most likely is, said yes.

Couldn't jumping to conclusions and calling CPS possibly ruin this guys life, even if it was unfounded? (I'm not sure if he could lose the little custody he has from a call to them, even if nothing was found.)

Undecided about marraige's picture

Ok, it is really hard to put all the details into a few paragraphs but my experience with this man and his child is he allows her to feel like the most important person in the world and he tries to do whatever she demands as "prooving" it. My guess is she asked for the time away with daddy without me and guilted him by saying "after you are married she will always be around!" pout pout. He is at fault for trying to "impress her with the fancy looking cabin with the extra ammenities. I feel it is inappropriate but he would no doubt justify it as some here have with lame excuses that it had the best view, or something like that. It is not ok for him to get played by her and then get mad with me but I know all too well it is never going to change and so I am back out there (no ring on my finger) and open to meeting new people. I cancelled the wedding, blocked him from my phone and am not looking back. Thank you all for your support! This site is like gold.

Is_What_It_Is's picture

So sorry things turned out this way - but as you said in your original post - better to know before saying "I do." If it starts out bad, it never gets better.

Happy healing to come and to finding an awesome (single, childless) man to make you feel you are #1!

notasm3's picture

I have never been to one of these "honeymoon lodges" but remember them being touted in Bride's magazine many decades ago. So my reflections may have nothing to do with today's reality.

But it used to be that these heart shaped tubs were right in the bedroom - not in a separate room. No privacy options at all. ICK

CLove's picture

Well, congratulations!!!!

I am not going to advise going the child protective services route - there is no proof of wrongdoing, and it could destroy his life.

I read your previous Blog, about all the wonderful ways the SD has insinuated herself between you two, and this above new post shouts "Get Away". I am certain there is more to your story, and the "deal breakers" are all there for you to see.

Spend this newly-free time getting yourself together and YOUR life on track. He made the decision to call things off, very quickly, and that tells me that he was probably trying to sabotage the wedding, because he did not actually intend to go through with it. The 14-year old, while she sounds very controlling, my guess is that your ex propagated all this as well, knowing that it would have this affect.

I mean, seriously - a vacation with SD14, without his bride? A few weeks before her birthday? That's an obvious "I want out/don't want to marry you" sign. Sure, it could be that she is "flying all the way out from Germany", for her break, but again - she will have other breaks in her life right? And she was planning on moving to be with Dadee right? Well, now she can have him all to herself!!!! Woot!

So, again, congratulations!

qtpie013178's picture

You dodged that bullet, that guy and his mini-wife would have made you miserable for years to cone.