I think the best advice that I received as a young mom was "you aren't raising kids, you are raising adults. you don't just baby your kids and make them feel special and then send them into the wild at the magic age of 18."

Kids who are raised with no accountability for their actions and no ability to self motivate and self police fail in the real world.

I see this as a business owner. Even kids with 8 year degrees that I've hired seem directionless, unable to think through and resolve challenges on their own, and need hand holding guidance for EVERYTHING!!! They are highly educated and functionally stupid. And hardly any of them have ever know how to be accountable for their own failures or shortcomings.

It's frustrating. My own DH is a "feel good and want you to be so speshul and happppppy all the time" kind of dad. He hasn't realized that this type of parenting is exactly why the two kids who have launched from the nest have fallen flat and are floundering through life.

I just told SO that I hope the trust fund doesn't run out for sd14 bc she's screwed if it does!!! someone that is used to designer clothing, shoes and bags at age 14 won't be happy if the money dries up. As well as where she "thinks" her place is in society. Right now she's bought into the cool kids group.

What I'm really afraid of is that she will always be a spoiled self entitled brat and no one will ever tell her no or she won't ever get a set down.

Most of us, well that is how we learn and build character. But I'm just wondering about these kids that have someone to buy everything for them, schools, friends, jobs, cars, living accomodations and so forth.. what do those ppl ever really learn about life?

My SO's 2 girls are the only kids I have ever known that hated having a birthday. They just didin't/still don't want to grow up. They love the enabling both of their parents have given them. The 19 year old, second year of college can't seem to get along with her roommate last year and now a different roommate this year at college. The 24 year old is finally working after a great deal of trouble with DUI/felony, but she thinks she shouldn't have to be in a training position at her work. They are self centered young adults, who are both struggling in life because they were enabled and had everything handed to them with nothing asked in return from them. I love the list that tog put up, it is perfect, and these girls have not been taught any of those things, they think they are the specialist people in the world and everyone is wrong, never them. It's quite sad.

My thoughts are as followed...Daddy owes the kids til dead do us part because mommy and daddy got divorced. Many divorced dads are what you call a "Disney Dad". In some cases,dads admit to their outrage of overinduging the kids. In most cases, nothing will change. My Dh gave his low life oldest 35 year old son 2K for a wedding rehearsal dinner. His son quoted 1k for the dinner. He wanted to give him extra becasue he did not pay for the 25K to 30K wedding that his 28 year old daughter wanted. We gave her 3K. She let DH know that her in-laws would pay for WHATEVER SHE WANTED> WTF! DH moved in with me. MIL was living in DH's old 2 bedroom house with us paying ALL the bills.

I love my kids more than anything and they are the best thing I ever did. That being said, I think a parent's responsibility is to turn out a productive member of society. I also felt it is/was my responsibility to raise my kids Catholic. If they end up happy, that's great and that makes me happy too, but it's not my JOB as a PARENT to make them happy. Another thing is, I love spending time with my kids and yukking it up with them. But I am NOT their friend. I am their mom. Guilty parenting feeds into the egocentric nature of kids and cripples both the kid and the parent/child relationship. And ultimately it leaves the child miserable, because in real life everything isn't handed to you, as another poster said. Self esteem, the holy grail of touchy feely parenting, actually comes from doing for other people. Guilty-parented kids will never get this.