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SS5 wants his mom to come back...

TRose426's picture

So after a crazy few weeks with SS I am just ready to give up and leave...
3 weeks ago I walked from my living room into SS5's bedroom where the kids were all playing and was watching them for a minute then witnessed SS5 hitting BS1 on the back with a toy. Okay, so hitting babies is not cool with me at all so I flipped...took his toybox out of his room and told him he was grounded the rest of the night until DH and I had a chance to decide what to do about it...he threw a huge fit of course and started screaming like a banshee. I ignored it..later sent him to bed and talked to DH the next morning deciding that he was going to be grounded for a day.
A few days after that he threw a toy computer at BD3 and it hit her in the face...okay back into your room and grounded for the day again. I was thinking wth do I have to do to get through to this kid to stop bullying! A few days after that he pushed BS1 over be cause 'he felt like it'. Grounded if it was accidental I would be forgiving but abusing a baby and picking on kids smaller than you because you feel like it is not cool with me.
So, last Tuesday SS goes to counseling and we told her about the bullying and the attitude and the talking back with everything I say and she says okay, I will talk to him. She takes him upstairs to her office to talk and we wait downstairs. Then a few minutes after that she comes down and asks DH to come up and talk with them. I am like wth..wierd but okay. Then after time is up they all come back downstairs and DH tells me that the Counselor is going to call BM and talk to her, let her know that not calling and the things she doesn't do and the few things she does is not helping him at all. Okay, I think, awesome a professional will tell her what is going on and I will finally be validated! We say thanks and then we leave...and DH tells me in the car that SS admitted to his Counselor that the reason he acts the way he does towards me is because he is hoping that I will leave so his mom can come back. WTH! Jeez, I understand wanting your parents to be together, but they were divorced WAY before I came into the picture! So, I say to DH (since we were on our way to drop SS off with BM and visit my MIL and SIL) that maybe the 3 of us should sit down with SS and explain that they will not be getting back together ever and that it isn't my fault they are apart in the first place. DH agrees. So, we sort of have that chat with him when dropping him off, but he is too busy trying to run around in BM's apartment. Okay, going to have to save that convo for when he gets home.
Anyway, so no drama for a few days and then on Friday as I am getting BS and BD and my nephew that I was babysitting to go pick up SS from preschool somebody knocks on my door, I answer, and it's so-and-so from Children and Youth. OMG!? WTH?! Okay, so apparantly she got a call that we may need some in home assistance, and can she come back and meet DH and SS next week. Sure, I mean can I really say no to C.A.Y.? I am freaking out because IDK who called them, and SS has a tendency to lie and really exagerate the truth (once told Bm that I locked him in his room all day...our doors don't even lock...and why would I LOCK a 5yo in a bedroom all day?!)So, IDK if he said something to his mom and she is trying to get us busted for some crap that never happened or if the Counselor called because she knows we are struggling. Whatever I can handle it....but come on, I am the only one who has ever done anything good for him...and they want to come to my house?! Wierd, but no big.
However, IDK if I want the help from them. I feel like I am just ready to be done with it all. I mean, how is it healthy for me or SS or my kids to live 24/7 with somebody I don't like and who doesn't like me and has admitted wanting me gone. That's tough to hear...and it sucks...and my DH doesn't understand that after 3 years of this constant battle I am at my wit's end and just don't wanna give it anymore work and waste anymore time...I just wanna enjoy my kids while I can, while they are still young enough to wanna be with me and not have the added drama of a SS who doesn't even want me here...


BMJen's picture

I'm the mother of a son who tells me all the time he wants to live with his father. Not gonna happen, because it's not the best thing for him. At his dad's he gets to play beer pong, smoke pot, have sex, the list goes on and on. I'll never let him live there, and I don't care how much he tells me he wants to.

They always want what they don't have, always. Just hold on honey. ONE day he'll realize who did what for him. And it'll be you.

alwaysme's picture

I hear what you are saying, its a horrible way to live. i too have just about been at my wits end with SS12. Dont get me wrong but he is ok to me but he just is a mummies boy, My DH and his ex have been apart for 6 years, 2 years before i even came along and BM has done everything in her power to destroy us and our relationship with Skids she lies and is the biggest selfish cow, she has taken the kids we have been through court and yet SS12 fly's up when the phone rings and he religiously checks to see if he has missed any calls, i mean all day checks in case she rang. It pisses me off that i have done the right thing by these kids and she has been nothing but a bitch to them and yet she is the one they want to be with and would love for DH and her to get back together. I Dont want to be their mother but i just dont get it. Just like your SS5 he hates you but loves his mum but you know what i dont think that will ever change, hell my ss is 12 and it is still the same.

Rags's picture

My wife has been very clear on the issue of SS living with BioDad.

"I have custody, you are living no where but where I say you live until you turn 18". He has either lived with us or at boarding school his entire live. With the exception of 7wks of SpermClan visitation per year.

Only 11wks until he turns 18 and he has stated very specifically that he wants to stay with his mom and I and has no desire to live with the SpermClan.

Best regards,