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Is this an acceptable boundary?

TooTired's picture

So SD12 is apparently allowed to use her phone at school during lunch and other designated times. I don't agree with this at all. She's at school. She's 12. What possible reason could she have to not be able to make it through the day without being on her phone. It bleeds over into the fact that DH and BM have zero rules regarding her phone use and it drives me nuts because she's constantly glued to it.

So my problem is that I'm a SAHM to DS1 and recently SD has been texting me during school asking if she can FaceTime with DS. I don't think it's appropriate at all and want to be able to have a discussion with DH about it but I know he'll go on the automatic Disney dad defense about how he doesn't see a problem with it and I'll be the bad guy like normal. 

Am I being the bad guy here or is this an appropriate boundary to set? I know I'm not her parent so I don't have any say about her normal phone use but I feel like this is something that affects me and I should be able to have a say about it. 


sleepymeg's picture

She can wait until after school to talk to her brother, and I'm sure you have other things to with your son.

notarelative's picture

If the school allows cell phone use during lunch, they allow it. But, because the school allows it does not mean you have to accommodate it. Just tell SD that DS1 is not available for FaceTime calls during her school day. If DH is upset, he can come home at lunchtime and supervise the calls.


AgedOut's picture

tell her that you'll face time w/ her after school but when she's at school you think she should be focused on school. it's your rule for kids at school.

ndc's picture

What 12 year old wants to FaceTime a toddler rather than hanging out with her friends at lunch time?  I would stay out of the phone usage drama and just tell her no, her lunchtime is not a convenient time for you and DS to be getting calls.

skell76's picture

that schools allowed phones during school hours. With that though your kiddo, your time, your rules.  I'd agree that  you can just let her know to FT after school but I'd stay out of the other side of it. 

missgingersnap2021's picture

Ughh my SD16 texts DH throughout the school day Normally he is at work so it doesn't affect me but whenever we take long weekends it bugs the shit out of me that she is texting to tell him little things that could easily wait until their nightly calls. She will text to say she got a good grade on a test, her soccer game was canceled (umm its pouring out so yeah DH figured that out on his own) etc. 

hereiam's picture

She wants to FaceTime with a 1 year old at lunchtime? Something tells me that is not really what this is about. Ignore her texts.


Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I wouldn't even mention it to DH and just not answer. If it comes up just say you were tending to the baby when she called and couldn't leave him unattended to answer.

Dogmom1321's picture

SD11 texts constantly throughout the day to DH and BM. Thankfully she doesn't text me. Apparently she has to update them on everything. Sends pictures of spanish flashcards. How many more minutes until the bus arrives. What she had for lunch. Etc. In our case, I feel it's nothing but an attention grab for SD. She is also glued to her phone 24/7, so I think SD feels like she has to constantly be talking to someone. Or else she honestly doesn't know what to do. Ex. Can't hold a real conversation during lunch. 

Your SD may be the same? If no one else is responding to her texts and calls, she will want to facetime DS to get a response. Just remember, no response, is still a response.