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So, I was cleaning and I found...

tofurkey's picture

So, I was cleaning and I found an interesting picture....I was dusting one of the framed pictures of DH's daughter. I noticed the back of the frame was bowing out a bit, and when I tried to correct it, I could see that there was another picture behind the framed out in front..I was curious to see what it was of, so I pulled out the picture behind and it was a 8x7 of just BM and the kid together.

hmmmmm....doesn't make me too happy to stumble upon this.

Why? Why keep this pic and hide it? Why have it at all? Dh was never with BM since before he knew she was pregnant, (and even at that it was a very short relationship).

I hate being apprehensive in my own home of what little treasures may pop up when I least expect it. Argh....

Comments

IsabellaAguilera's picture

honey. it was a picture of his daughter. whether it was bin ladin or the devil himself (or herself) the daughter was still in the picture.

the mother alone....okay, i get it. but the daughter still loves mom.

if it makes you feel any better, take a copy of the picture....put the original back...and cut out mom. chop her up. then burn it. then scatter the remains over the ocean. or mix it up in the kitty litter.

SteppingUp's picture

I moved into the house that BM and DF bought together...THAT was rough. I still find little "surprises" when I'm cleaning. We just re-did the flooring in our kitchen so we had to pull out the refrigerator. There was a picture of BM with her daughter and a picture of BM and DF. Little stab to the gut...I know that it's nothing I can control but you just can't help feeling like that when you run into these things.

The biggest thing I have learned with this type of thing is just to remember that guys are (usually) lazy. DF doesn't deep clean his junk drawers, I do. So I am going to be the one to find these things. Yours was probably given the picture when things were going well between him and BM and he just slapped another pic on top of it. I always think, it could be worse. You could find nudey pics or something... just sayin! Smile

IsabellaAguilera's picture

i found sex toys and underwear that wasn't mine. that wasn't fun either.

actually, now that you mention it....if something happens in this marriage and we part, i'm planting all of MY sex toys, porn pics and personals all over the house for the next floosie that does cleaning...:P

SteppingUp's picture

HAHAH!!! HILARIOUS!!! Smile

I found some nastier things too, which now I feel I must share. Some thong underwear, a sexy little nighty, and to top it all off, I found a camera card, put it in the computer to see what was on it, and found a bunch of naked pics of BM. THANKFULLY after I calmed down a bit, I realized they weren't sexy photos, they were photos that DF had taken of BM and SD taking a bath together. SD was using those bathroom crayons and stuff, and BM was just kind of 'in' the picture...it was still very crushing, and I had a huge issue with it for a few days. But at the same time it was kind of nice to see BM with no makeup (TERRIBLE...just like DF has told me...she should seriously go into a career at painting dead people's faces for funerals) and that BM literally has nipples for boobs. hehehehe

purpledaisies's picture

I have to comment on the nipples for boobs. I was that way and I hated it and I was always teased about it. It is not fun that is something that she can't change and I'm sure she doesn't like not having boobs. I can sympathize with her on that one. I can tell you though that I saved enough money to take care of my problem and I'm a DD now Blum 3

purpledaisies's picture

Thanks, I'm very straight forward and regarding the pic. I wouldn't have given it a thought expect that it was put there before I came in the pic and left it at that. So what if you found that pic is not like he put it there the day you found it. It is out of sight out of mind for men.

I don't see why we get our panties in a was over such things. Either put it back or throw it away or better yet save it for his dd.

SteppingUp's picture

Sorry purpledaisies and Spunkidoolittle -- yes I needed that slap in the face! I really did not mean to offend. I am only a size A too so I do know the feeling....I was just typing like a maniac and my evil side came out. I think we can all be nasty in our own heads, I was just saying that it made me feel better to focus on BM's negative qualities so that I didn't go down the road of "ohh but she's so much thinner than me...and she has abs..." and the whole photo thing would have been a bigger deal than what it was. I am truly sorry it came out like that!

momoutofhermind2's picture

I also found the disposable camera of the nasty skanky BM. Yeah, that was a knife in the gut and vomit on the floor. I mixed up one of my old cameras with one of my DH's, he was my BF then. We had our junk in a box and the stuff was old and I thought it was mine. I forgot what was on the camera and it was like :sick: Never in my life did I ever wanna have that nasty visual of that skank in a nightie and naked. I still have that nasty visual in my head. My nickname for her was skank-a-rella Smile b/c she was just a gold digger and just nasty in my eyes.

I point out from time to time about how could he have been with her. What is wrong with him? and he actually had a kid with her. He's lucky it didn't turn green and fall off.....LMAO.

IASnowPrincess's picture

Kids always have high hopes that their Bio prents will get back together .... She was probably hiding it because she didn't want to upset you.
I say let her keep it and maybe you could even put it in a seperate frame for her. It would make you look like a better person to do that.

starfish's picture

that pic would be threw the shredder so fast, your head would spin.

dh probably forgot it was there, don't stress or give him any shit about it. just dispose of it how ever you see fit and move on!! Smile

j-dog's picture

Still...yeah, those things are unsettling.
My DH and I, before we were engaged, and when we were in a long-distance relationship...I'd been to visit him for a weekend, didn't ruin weekend trip, but after I got back...I finally asked, "How long do we need to be together before you take down the photo of yourself and BM?"
He was genuinely startled...I had to send him out to LOOK at the wall, to see that there was, indeed, a professional photo, of himself and BM (pre-SD's birth) still displayed in his home.
It was gone by my next visit.
Nonetheless, we'd been living together for over a year (and were married) when I asked when he was going to stop displaying souvenirs from his previous honeymoon, in OUR home...again, it had just simply NEVER crossed his mind that these things might hurt me.
Men can be very, very stupid.

caregiver1127's picture

When we got married DH has friends that are professional photographers - so we paid for the film they used their own cameras and gave us the rolls to develop. When the dust had settled with me moving 700 miles and DH and I getting a new apartment all in the first month of marriage I took all the rolls and got them developed. Well wouldn't you know it - there was a roll in there from DH and his ex's last Christmas together. I was so pissed because all I could think was why does something like getting our wedding pictures developed turn into me seeing their last Christmas together - why does she keep popping up. I yelled at DH for screwing up and giving me the f___ing roll of film but then I calmed down and really looked at the pictures - and you could tell that DH and BM were not at all happy - the smiles were forced and they both looked miserable. Of course SS was as happy as could be this was right before his world as he knew changed. I threw away the pictures of BM and kept the rest. It got me mad but he did not mean to hurt me this was back then before digital cameras were affordable to everyone these were rolls of film so he did not know what was on it. I have a few rolls from my 20's that I won't have developed because God know what is on them - lol

I also found the diary from DH and his ex's wedding day and honeymoon - I was so pissed - I did not say a word but several years later he was cleaning out the cabinet and found it took one look at it and promptly threw it away. I said to him I wondered when you were going to throw that away - he said I did not realize it was there sorry. I also have thrown away every letter, picture, and tape that his various girlfriends have given him throughout his life. I actually burned most of them right after giving birth so I am going to blame it on the hormones. I feel I am the last one and there is no point in keeping all that crap. I have kept nothing from ex's and I don't think he should either.

quippers01's picture

You and I are going to be BFF's...

When H moved in with me he brought a storage bin full of ex girlfriend/wife mementos... I lost my shit when I found it. I flipped on him a few days later when I just couldn't hold it in anymore. He said it was just a box of stuff and he hadn't gone through it in years. That might have worked had I not seen a photo I gave him early in our relationship tucked into his little photo album of trophies...which was not from "years" ago. I made him throw it all out. I don't keep that kind of crap in our life and I expect him to show me the same respect.

caregiver1127's picture

Yeah - I have never told him that I burned all of the pictures and dumb ass love letters - especially from this one woman who when he moved back to where we lived would not give up - he still talked to her on the phone and there was a group from their college that was meeting to honor one of their professors that had died and she called him and left a message would he be attending. I said he could but then on that day he decided not to go the temp was 30 below zero and he just did not want to go outside. She wrote him an email under her daughter's name saying that she had discussed DH and I with her therapist friend and the friend said I would get more comfortable with her being around the longer I was married. WRONG BITCH - I told hubby you tell her to stop contacting you or I WILL. He wrote her a letter I saw it he send it and about 3 months later she sends another email telling him she had a dream that she was at a funeral for one of his families members and was everyone okay. I was pregnant with our DD and I wrote back -

Thanks for your concern but everyone is doing fine. Also I saw the note that Hubby had written you about stopping contact with him so our of respect for me it better stop. This better be the last email you send him.

Sincerely - his wife

We have not hear from her since. To me they are an ex for a reason - no need to be friends. Also no need for pictures or letters - people need to look forward not be able to bring up or recall the past unless it is to learn from your mistakes!!

StepMadre's picture

So, what do you think of a BM that STILL wears a ring H gave to her over six years ago? And on her ring finger!!! She goes to school events for the skids and sits near us, a happily married and affectionate couple, wearing our wedding bands, while she acts bitter and nasty and sits there wearing a ring on her ring finger from a man who dumped her and married someone else! Yep, my BM is that pathetic and inappropriate. If I were her, I would feel rejected and hurt every time I saw the ring and would never be inappropriate enough to wear it when the man who had given it to me had refused to marry me, dumped me and married another woman. It would just make me feel like a huge loser and also I would never want my "successor" to see such pathetic behavior. I really don't get it!

caregiver1127's picture

No one flame me for this but I watch THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY - lol Danielle on there did that to her Ex and his new wife. She got everyone to donate things for a party for her daughter and then wore her engagement ring from her EX on her ring finger and made a big deal out of it - how it was bigger than the new wife's - She looked so f__ing desperate and pathetic I am surprised that none of her friends pulled her aside and told her she looked like an asshole. So just think that way BM looks like a pathetic and desperate a-hole.

tofurkey's picture

I agree with the majority of you saying about it coming down to men just being lazy and forgetting these things are here....but a.) my DH can only use stupidity or lazyness as a cop out so many times before it's kind of like "are you serious? again? really?" and b.) he had never had a good relationship with BM once the kid was born so what's with the huge ass pic?

cclark0824's picture

I think that anytime you find photos of the BM with the kids they should be allowed to keep them. Even photos before the divorce should be saved for the kids. My soon to be X-BM once gave my soon to be XH a suitecase for Christmas and in one of the pockets was a photo album of some of his frinds the kids and ONE photo of just her... I should of known then to run like hell... No silly me I stuck around until I found a nude photo of XBM on his phone a few weeks ago... Photos with the kids are ok, but when they become photos of just her yeah not ok in the least.

tofurkey's picture

I know how you feel. I found pics of DH and an ex gf (not BM) And let's just say if I had to rate these pics of him and this woman they would be NC-17. I was sick for months. :sick:

stormabruin's picture

Yep. Duran Duran's "Ordinary World" will forever bring vivid mental pictures to my head. It didn't upset me, though. Of course, I know that I was the one who unknowingly packed it away with the rest of the tapes when DH & I moved his stuff out of his marital home. The tape was from the early-mid 90's, so between the cheesy background music & the 90's hair & "sexy" lingerie on BM, I can't help but laugh & secretly feel like I'm one up on her because I've seen her naked. :jawdrop: While I don't have the tape anymore (I pulled the film out & threw it away) should I ever find a need to bring it up & she challenge me for proof, I can describe everything in perfect detail. }:) I fear those pictures will NEVER fade. Smile

skylarksms's picture

Shortly after we got engaged, DH and I had a ceremonial burning of the others pasts - i.e., all pix of exes, all love letters, etc.

I made the mistake of reading one from BM to him. Made me ill. She is/was such a tramp. Ish. I can't even tell you about the stuff she was talking about! I'd probably get kicked off the site.

I did find a poem he wrote about their love blah blah just the other week. BUT, I also found about 50 poems about how horrible and crazy she was, so I let it slide!

iwishyouwould's picture

Sounds to me like he wanted a pic of his kid, that was what he had, he got a new better one and just put it in front of the old one. I do that all the time, so does my mother. She gave me some of her old picture frames (with her choice of pics in them , of course) and when i was putting new pics in the frames i found literally stacks of pics from the 80s and 90s behind the ones that were showing. It was like a perfect chronology of my family, every few pics a new baby was shown and the original babies kept getting bigger and older lol! I wouldnt read too much into it. It also sounds like you were just startled to be staring into bm's smiling face unexpectadly, which is no crime.

iwishyouwould's picture

LOL - DH still has a huge chip on his shoulder cause bm refuses to give him back anything he left at their old apartment when she kicked him out four years ago and 6 months into them living together. Apparently he left a "really cool" ninja sword, a tv, a couch, some posters and wall hangings, cds, some odds and ends..He's got like four "really cool" ninja swords, 2 new tvs, a motorcycle, and all sorts of new odds and ends now but all i ever hear about is "my really cool ninja sword...that b*tch!" lol...

iwishyouwould's picture

LOL dont feel bad, i completely understand where you are coming from. In my case, it was the opposite, bm is one of those teeny tiny blondes that just heeehehe hee's all the damn time... the type that tortured me in middle school LOL. It probably has something to do with why i abhor her. Im not bad to look at, im cute and all, but dark hair, punky, not short not tall, curvy, big feet...lol she would probably have me writhing with insecurity if she wasnt so ugly and twisted on the inside. :sick:

True mom's picture

When my DH moved in he brought box's of framed photo's with the BM with the skids in them. I told him not on my walls! Pic's of her were removed, I don't care what he does with them, but I don't want to see them. I have pic's with my ex but they are all boxed up for the kids when they grow up. Both DH and I allow skid's to have a pic of BP in their bedrooms. Which is fine with me cause I can't go in my SD room, she has a cat and I'm allergic so I don't have to worry about spending time in there and having to stare at that ugly woman. Woman is being nice...I could say so much worse, but I'm going to be nice today.

tofurkey's picture

Sooo I confronted DH about the pic...I can't help it, I'm the kind of person who has to say something when it's bothering me, If I keep something bottled up, it just builds and builds and he would notice something was wrong and bugged me to tell him what was wrong anyhow....

Me: Honey, why do you have a huge ass picture of this idiot in our home? I guess you'll pull the whole "this pic is for the kid thing" when she doesn't even see it because it's behind another pic?

DH: Oh...I didn't even remember that was in there.

Me: I see...Well, I'm confused as to why if you dislike this woman so much and according to you, have since before she was pregnant, you would have a picture of her in your possession at all.

DH: I don't know...

Long Pause.....

Me: Okay, that's a good answer. Am I going to find any more happy little surprises like this?

DH: You shouldnt...

So, I guess we'll see what happens. I certainly hope this is the last time I find something here that makes me want to hurl.

stepitup's picture

Hahahaa, so when I moved into my fiance's house (he bought it well before the ex moved in) I found her underwear drawer with her "nicest" granny underpants she left behind...Don't quite know what the message there was...I thought it was weird and gross.

purpledaisies's picture

I'm sorry but i agree with the others here that was not right, the should be allowed to have pics of their mom in their rooms at least! I understand that you don;t want to see them but you can shut their doors! That is the reason ss hates you, I can see why. One time bm gave dh a bunch of pics and it was a lot of her in there. I do know that dh has all the pics of his kids and the ones that have her in them with his kids but I don;t really know what he did with the ones of just her. However I was NOT a part of that process. I let dh do what he needed/wanted, I did find some of his kids and bm but so far not any of just her. I did tell dh that if his kids want a pic of her here then he should let them but so far they haven;t said anything. I do know that they carry a pic of her in their wallets tho.

stepitup's picture

I'm not sure throwing out the children's pictures of their mother is the right thing to do. Fine for your husband to rip them up, but really, really wrong to tell children it isn't ok to have pictures of their BM. Great way to get them to hate you, and give you a hard time. Good luck with that.

caregiver1127's picture

I agree - you may hate their mother - but it is their mother and you can't change that no matter what she does. It was wrong of you to rip up the picture. She is their mother and they will always protect and care for her. It seems in this case PAS can go both ways!

True mom's picture

My DH brought more boxes from storage and there were cruise pictures of him and BM. Very unsettling for me as I knew the SD would probably grab them and put them up in her room. Luckily that did not happen DH threw them in the trash but she did find cards they had given each other years ago and tried putting them in our office. I told her I did not want to see any of that stuff, if she wanted it she had to keep it in her room nowhere else! She was not happy about that, but she had a choice trash or her room. My true choice was the trash. Why SD16 wants to live in the past is beyond me. Pic's of her mom in her room I can understand but it's been 4 years it's time to move on! Mind you DH asked me as all of this was going on "what is wrong" really! You need me to spell it out for you, I want nothing to do with going down memory lane with you and skid's going through box's of stuff that partly belonged to BM!!!! Ugh!!!

tofurkey's picture

I see your point. SD says that she misses me and DH everytime we see her/leave. I'm sure that BM doesn't have a pic of me anywhere in her house. And i wouldn't want her to.