My FDH and I are getting married next summer. I am having my daughter for my maid of honour, and FDH is having his best friend for his best man. It's a small wedding, so we're only having one attendant each. My son will be walking me down the aisle.

However, FDH does play the guitar, so he and his girls will be doing a song as I walk up the aisle. He will play the guitar, and all three will be singing. They have already started practising. It's a way to keep them involved without actually having to be part of the wedding party.

SS came to our wedding when we got married but SD did not - before we were even engaged BM told her she wasn't allowed to come. We planned it on a skids weekend and made all the arrangements for FIL to pick them both up and BM wouldn't let SD go. SS lived with us at the time.

We had all the kids in our wedding. It was beautiful. Bm tried her best to let them come but dh was awesome and he got them. They were very happy to be there. I had 2 little boxes for the rings and the youngest 2 were supposed to carry them down the isle but the person that was supposed to handle all that didn't get them out for them. They were very upset as I was too. That was not cool.

These comments really just make me sad and angry...the skids are a part of your new family and your DH's. To each their own but it's crazy to me that a man would chose to be with someone who doesn't want HIS child as part of their wedding/reception.

When we get married, it will most likely be a very small one and low key. We rather keep the $ for a good honeymoon now THAT there's no invite for kids, his or mine.

BUT they are a huge part of our life and very important to both of us, and we would likely have them participate in our wedding to some degree and be at the reception. We are merging together as families, not just him and I. So it makes sense they witness and participate. We've considered the sand ceremony where the kids have their own sand to pour in with us as well.

I know many disagree, but I firmly believe and have seen that if there is an approach of "him and I" only the stepfamily won't be succesful. Tofu...you keep saying MY day, MY husband, MY wedding...take that MY MY ME approach to life and this marriage and exclude HIS daughter, His family...and I'm afraid the division set now will likely be lasting you a lifetime.

A wedding is NOT all about ME. Especially if you marry someone with a child.

We eloped bc I refused to have to deal with any of the inlaws and skids drama.

SD was in our wedding, along with BD and BS. SS said he had better things to do.

SD was there and highly involved.BM tried to make my life suck all the way up until the final day.but hey,it was a perfect wedding and the only tears I cried were happy ones.
i say involve everyone who wants to be in on it! The more the merrier ****IF**** they can behave themselves and smile pretty for the camera.

We did a destination wedding. I did not want to have any attendents so skids were not "in" it as DH and I were the only ones! Even if I went another route I would not have had them in the bridal party somehow, this was my day. I planned the wedding around what I wanted and what worked for me. We then figured out how to make it work for skids to come. If BM was going to be nuts or it didn't work out, too bad so sad. I told DH that the skids will alter the way I envisioned my life to be enough and that I would NOT plan a wedding around them also - and he totally agreed/understood. In the end, it worked out. THey flew down with my parents and we flew DH's sister out to stay with them and be in charge of them. Even though she just pawned them off on all of my friends any chance she got.

DH and I eloped. We ran off to another country by ourselves and got married. It made all the planning so much easier. Dress? check. Rings? check. Plane tickets? check.

We held a reception for family and friends about 6 months later. All of my siblings and SS were involved. They each took turns at the microphone introducing the next event. I think SS gave the intro before our first dance together.

The drinking/dancing thing...I guess I don't see it as a big deal. Maybe a cultural or personal thing.It's not uncommon to have a kids free reception of course -unless you have kids I guess..at least to me.

My brother got married recently (he had no kids) but myself and several families had their kids around adults that drank, responsibly (most did ha!). The kids even danced w/us. I danced w/my sons, my nieces and nephews...they ALL had a blast. BUT dancing isn't an adult thing to me, it's a celebration thing when it comes to a wedding.

SSs were in our wedding.

They were DH's "best men." They each had one of our rings, so they were part of the ceremony. They were 6 and 11 when we got married. My cousin was Maid-of-Honor. It worked out well.

One thing we did that I recommend is putting some else in charge of the kids for the day. We put DH's parents in charge of the boys and that took a ton of pressure off DH.

We also scheduled the photographer so that he and DH and I went to a seperate location for some of the pictures. This offered us some built in alone time during our wedding day.

~BettyRay

Yea, this topic has come up between me and BF before. He seems to think I want a big wedding because I am very close to my family. Honestly though, being the bride just scares the shit out of me. Marriage I am good with, but a wedding? The potential problems that could ensue just between my own family members is stressful enough--but add the kids and BM to the mix? Oh lord. Plus the expenses just seem outrageous. I dunno. I never dreamt of being the bride when I was a little girl, and I'd be alright just eloping. BUT if we do end up having a ceremony, FSS and FSD will certainly be included. If I tried to restrict them from being there I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be getting married. If they felt uncomfortable attending though (I don't think they would, but who knows how FSD will act when she's a teen), we wouldn't force them.

As a side note, I attended a couple family weddings as a kid with LOTS of alcohol all around into the wee hours of the morning. I think that's a cultural thing. The kids just ended up passing out in some chairs or on our parents.

We are getting married next September and SS3 is the ring bearer and SD5 will be the flower girl. I can't imagine (in my situation) doing anything other than that -- unless we had absolutely no children involved in the ceremony.

My DH and I had a very, very small wedding at his mother's house. SS wasn't in the wedding only because we couldn't get him while we were in town due to scheduling conflicts. We are planning on renewing our vows at our 5 yr anniversary and making it a big ordeal. SS will be invited and hopefully will attend and be involved. That being said, I think it is to each its own. If you want to elope, elope...if you want to have the skids there, fine...if not, that's fine too. I don't think anyone should be put down b/c of their own personal decision that they make on a very personal day. If the skids aren't included, I don't automatically think, "SM's marriage is going to fail and she is a horrible SM". But again, that's my personal opinion.

It was just us!

My SS was 1yo when we married. He was there but obviously was too young to participate. In fact, my wife nor I had any attendants for our wedding. We had an announced elopement.

It was just her and I and the minister. I had a few friends and family there, she had a few family members there In fact, my wife nor I had any attendants for our wedding. It was just her and I and the minister IN the wedding.

I would have no problem having Skids participate if they are old enough and supportive of the marriage. If not, they can sit in a pew with everyone else.
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We did a little of both- SS's then 5 and 8 were both in the wedding. SS5 walked his cousin (Who was our flowergirl) down the aisle, and SS8 was the ringbearerr. They were in half the photos, then we had organised friends to pick all three of them up. We had a "party" at another location for all the kids who were invited to the ceremony, and organised food, video games etc for them to play and people to watch over them. We had an adults only reception, and this is DEFINITELY the way we would do it again. Kids loved being involved in the ceremony, and had an absolute blast at an age appropriate event with all their cousins afterwards. We got to have them in the service and didn't have to worry about any tantrums, tiredness or kids running through our dinner. It was fabulous.

We told no one we were getting married. No family was there at all. We did not have the money for a big wedding. My family, who are all in a different country, would not have had the money to come to our wedding. DH asked a co-worker/friend to witness and another to take photos. Whosoever was offended by our actions (mostly DH's immediate family and my good friends) were not specially left out, so they had to come to terms with it. Also, this way we did not have to tell the kids or ex-wife anything, and chance them ruining OUR special moment.

We plan to have a big anniversary celebration one year (as soon as we have the money saved) and invite everyone.

We're having a destination wedding in May and i really wanted an adult only reception and I didn't want SS there acting up to get attention. He's normally well behaved when FDH is around but when he's the only kid in a room full of adults he gets hyper and wants all attention on him. Anyhoooo I saw how much it meant to FDH sooo I caved, and he's the only kid coming Havent worked out details yet but i think he'll follow the groomsmen up like a ring boy and then sit in the front row with the inlaws. That way he's ther so FDH is happy, and hopefully out out of sight, out of mind for me so I can concentrate on becoming my FDH's wife!

I will have sd7 as the flower girl and she will be picked up and whisked away after the ceremony by BM's parents. She would hang all over my SO for the whole reception and I need some of it to JUST be about me and SO!!