MIL Ready for Court
DH and I cut off MIL about a year ago due to her hostility and constant threats towards us as parents in regards to JUST SS (not my other 2 bio kids whom I share with DH). She has threatened grandparents rights, even when she was seeing SS way back and continued to tell other family members the past year.
Today, DH recieved a summons from MIL for visitation rights for SS (almost 8). In this form she attached a huge sob story, leaving out the actual reasons why we went no contact and also lead a wonderful smear campaign about me. According to MIL, the reason she demands to have SS visitation is due to the fact that she has a special bond with only THAT grandchild and because I treat SS horribly. Her examples? I don't read him a book at bedtime, I don't get him ready in the morning (DH does, I have 2 toddlers to tackle), I don't pick him up from school (DH does), and many other fabricated, that he is treated differently, even false accusations about me. She also mentions how she spent her whole summer recovering from a surgery taking care of SS while I sat home, unemployed with my 2 bio kids (a newborn and 18 month old) because I refused to watch SS. In actuality MIL begged to watch SS the whole summer. No one asked her. There are many other accusations on this document that make me sick and the way she can lie like that on a legal document. Regardless NOTHING of how I am as a step parent has anything to do with her case in wanting visitation with SS. I'm sorry does a step parent have a legal manual? I do what I can mentally but SS has severe ADHD as his therapist stated and it is A LOT when you have 2 other small children. There is no reason why DH can't do the majority of it.
We don't have a ton of excess money laying around and DHs father (separated from MIL) who is well off doesn't want anything to do with it and wished we just figured it out with MIL out of court. I was baffled that he couldn't be bothered to support his son at least emotionally and understand where we are coming from. We clearly need a decent lawyer so we're trying to figure out what we can afford. I'll be damned if we go down without a fight. Thankfully MIL didn't care enough to show interest or really see my bio kids so she'd never have a case with them. Saved from satan.
We have a lot of evidence on MILs hostility through texts where she threatens to take our home away from us (we rent from someone else), to get DH fired for unknown reasons, to take me down or the "wait until I see her" as if she was referencing a physical or verbal fight in person with me, and even saying that she doesnt care about the other kids just SS. This does not include the countless phone calls she made to DH screaming at him over not agreeing with what she wants in regards to SS. I am constantly blamed for any short coming and of course I am the reason for SS feelings of motherly rejection (let's over look BMs practical abandonment 5 years ago).
I am a tad worried for a couple of reasons. The judge who signed this document is someone DH recognized as one of MILs friends. Clearly a conflict of interest which needs to be brought up ASAP.. but I have fears of this judge whispering into the others in support of MIL. SS and MIL did spend a lot of time together (due to MILs obsession with him) and DH hardly objected in the past even though she was hostile then too. DH didn't recognize her behavior as narcissistic and emotionally abusive because he dealt with it his whole life. When I told him it wasn't normal to threaten people because you didn't do what they wanted you to, it was as if he couldnt believe it. So SS8 thinks highly of MIL.. of course why wouldn't you love a grandparent who spoils you and only you, never your siblings.. and who cares if she's manipulative and agressive towards your parents because you get unlimited candy and video games....
SS has an appointed lawyer himself through the courts and I'm worried he might be too eager to be reunited with toxic MIL due to her bribery, which is easy to do with him. SS even told DH that MIL told SS she was going to do "something like this" the last time she saw him. That's so messed up. SS has a lot of confusion with what healthy relationships look like due to MIL and BMs actions... this court battle is going to mess with his head more and SS immediately got defensive when MIL was briefly brought up. We didn't say much to him, but DH prepared him if the attorney does come to speak to SS.
I cant stand to have MIL back in our lives again. It was absolute hell having that woman harass us daily. This is one storm I would have to jump ship over if she ever won. I need all of the positivity we can get on our side. MIL knows many people and I'm sure she's going to try to pull all the stops with connections.
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Comments
Do your research. I don't
Do your research. In most cases, grandparents' rights are only granted in certain, very specific situations. For instance, where I live, it's only considered if the kid lived with the grandparent for a certain amount of time, or in cases in which the parent has died and the surviving spouse was keeping the child from the other side of the family, that sort of thing. Otherwise, grandparents have no rights. A parent has the right to say who can and cannot be around their child. If they don't want their own parents around their kids, so be it, that's their choice.
NYS
We're in New York State. I read briefly but unfortunately for us we end up in a gray area where the grandparent can try to prove they have spent a significant amount of time with the child (MIL has to a certain extent) and if the relationship is within the child's best interest. To me it's a load of BS but here we are.
I'm with Hereiam, do some research for the laws in your state.
I'm with Hereiam, do some research for the laws about Grandparent's rights in your state, it might make you feel better. Do whatever you need to do to get a good lawyer, even if it hurts a little. This is your chance to shut her down forever. You might consider going after her for court costs since this is such a ridiculous motion. So sorry she is back causing trouble.
I know, I wish we could be
I know, I wish we could be rid of her already. This is her last hurrah. DH said he will truly never speak to her again after this. NYS has some vagueness and allows more wiggle room with grandparents rights... i hope the evidence we have is good enough to prove she is not within SS best interest.
Good Lord, what a putrid
Good Lord, what a putrid woman. I'm so sorry you are going through this and trying to care for your own 2. At least she doesn't have her toxic claws in them.
I looked up this article:
I looked up this article: https://www.newyorkfamilylawgroup.com/blog/how-to-file-for-grandparent-r....
Based on this, it looks like MIL is going to have to significantly prove that SS would benefit from visitation with MIL, but it also HEAVILY weighs on the reason the custodial parent objects to allow the relationship. If DH and you have proof that MIL has been hostile, emotionally abusive, threatening, and overstepping grandparent boundaries to act as parent, despite objections from you or DH, you might have a strong case to prove that MIL only wants SS so she can raise him "her" way and interfere with your family. It's all about control.
I would definitely get the conflict of interest piece resolved, but with the mounds of proof you have, you might be okay. Her arguments about your parenting not being sufficient is also proof against her, showing she can't stop herself from overstepping you or DH's parenting decisions/routines.
You can’t give her a inch
You can't open that door into MIL craziness. You must fight her now to stop this once and for ever. MIL most likely has no rights in visiting GS. Her example are not abuse to SS.
'So sorry that your MIL is crazy
Ah hah. The GrandHag monster has resurfaced.
SpermGrandHag was our particular cross to bear during our 16+ years under a Custody/Visitation/Support CO.
Take no prisoners on this. DH needs to shred his idiot mother and destroy her. Start with motioning for the submittal to be dismissed due to the Hags relationship with the signing Judge. This Judge needs their nose scrubbed in the stench of their clear conflict of interest. and bias That the judicial moron did not recuse themselves and refuse the Hag's signature request is worthy of a major complaint against the Judge IMHO. That needs to be taken as far up the State bar and State Judicial Conduct Commission as you need to go to end the Hag and if possible, end her robed idiot of a friend.
SpermGrandHag cleaned offices and houses for a number of Judges in the county where our CO was resident. Even the Judge that heard her attempted grab for custody of my SS was her friend and a client for her maid services. Though the Spermidiot is such a massive POS that even that idiot Harry Pottter robed moron slinging the toddlers wooden Fisher-Price hammer could not justify much more than upholding full physical and legal custody for my bride and invoking a limited long distance visitation schedule for the SpermClan. The pathetic in that whole situation was so reeking of stench that the Judge chewed out the Spermidiot for a solid 10mins after both sides rested. Then, the toddler hammer slinging robed idiot commented "Any child would be blessed to have the love and support of this fine family." before issuing the ruling.
How is that even possible for someone with even half a brain much less for a supposed esteemed member of the judiciary? The Spermidiot is such a POS that the judge rips him a new asshole for 10 solid minutes then spouts the , "....... this fine family." shit?
Go to court loaded for bear. Bear MIL's idiot ass, backwards, forward, upside down, inside out, and sideways. Take her every nasty forked tongued text, countless journal entries of her crap, put her on the stand, dissect her with every letter of her noxious words, and make sure that she is nothing but a shriveled dried out slug on the sidewalk as you leave court.
Damned, I am so mad for you and your family over this. Clearly I have a problem with this kind of thing.
Having suffered the PASing toxicity of a screaming banshee Hag of a GM in our blended family life, I truly hope that your DH goes scorched earth on his idiot mother.
Take care of you and your family. Sometimes the greatest enemy is someone who should be trustworthy and chooses to be otherwise.
What RAGS SAID
What RAGS SAID
What ever you do, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT cave in to a plan because you feel bad. Her side will try to push dh to come up with a 'reasonable' visitation plan for Granny. IF dh caves he is toast and now dh has set the bar of granny to get more and more and more. Don;t' do it.
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I would also review https://supreme.justia.com/cases/federal/us/530/57/
Troxel v. Granville, 530 U.S. 57 (2000)
HOLD THE LINE. DH has the upper hand.
Ooooooo.
Thumper, what a great addition to dealing with this sitaution.
This is a perfect rusty tool to use while ripping out this idiot Hag GM's gonads in court then frying them up and force feeding them to her on the stand.
Too much?
Naaaah. Not with these types.
Never too much
Never too much
Wow, Thumper
As resources go, that is a corker!
It always amazes me
How inlaws can be so intrusive and butt in where they are not wanted. Or even offer unsolicited "advice." I've had a duplicitous MIL and it is no treat. I vowed I'd never be like that to my children's spouses.