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As requested Hillarious NickNames

thinkthrice's picture


for Cubicle  Mate, Boss, and Admin Assistant:


Cubicle Mate--Army Dude (he was put into the Army to straighten up and fly right--and it worked but then again, unlike a lot of SKIDS on this forum, he has a brain)  He learned networking/computers in the Army, went to Iraq to deploy the equipment, got the GI bill and has graduated with a degree in Computer Science.

Boss--Rocky Oldboa (60 yr old balding Italian guy that will flirt with anything female to a point--he's a class 5 level of hairiness and is always sneaking out to play golf when he's not locking pinkies with Mrs. Headlights--looks quite a bit like Dr. Phil)

Admin  Assistant--Old Faithful  (hard working, diligent and accurate to the very end)


thinkthrice's picture

that Mrs. Headlights looks like Scut Farkus on The Christmas Story with very pronounced coloured brick red wavy hair, massive boobs and stick thin everywhere else.  Is a fan of wearing (sorry if I offend anyone) KEEN CLOSED TOE SANDALS, the most HIDEOUS shoe on the plant and "John Lennon" type wire rimmed shades when she's not dressing like her daughter.

Evil3's picture

My new boss' nickname is Gru because he looks like Gru from Despickable Me. When Gru first started, two other managers went, "OMG! It's a human Gru!"  Gre has more joints in his fingers than other humans and he waves his hands around. He gets worked up and when he starts ranting, he waves his hands around and it's hard to not stare at his freaky fingers.

I have "the Shunner" or "the Shunning Bitch," in the cubicle next to me. Her first six months, she was all friendly and made rounds every morning to chat with people and ask how they were doing. One day, she suddenly changed and wouldn't talk to anyone. She will run to the kitchen on the other side of the building to avoid talking to anyone when we have a kitchen only ten feet away from her. The Shunner will literally break into a run to avoid talking to people. She's very curt and snotty and no one knows what the hell happened. She even used to socialize with people outside of work and people are totally bewildered as to what in the fuck happened that the Shunner hates us so much. The change was so abrupt and drastic. She ordered higher cubicle walls to close everyone out and she has a fucking forest of plants all around her to build her walls even higher. Then she makes a big production out of putting gigantic headphones on because she needs absolute silence. I can't fucking stand her. Bleeding hearts will say that something must have happened. I just respond with the reminder that the sudden change occurred at ther six months' probation, so when she got news that she's permanent, she turned in the fucking cow that she is. I have her right beside me, so it's a major downer to have her next door day in and day out. I'm looking for other postings and when I get one, I plan on telling someone that the Shunner is a huge reason for my departure.

Then, there's Ding Dong. I've posted about her. She is the most mentally ill person I've ever met and I do not understand why on earth she's allowed to work with people. Her own manager doesn't want to deal with her and gets mad at me if I don't enter the stairwell with her (which is where she drops to the floor in fetal position, shrieks and demands to be driven to the hospital. She vibrates and then threatens suicide, because "they all hurt my feelings." She's a bully and just chased the best analyst out and got away with it because she's "fragile." She makes me sick.

Then we have Shrill. An admin assistant with a shrill voice who yells at her husband on the phone all day. We can hear her from two doors down with the shrillness of her voice.

Then we have "That Fuckin' Smith." Smith isn't his real name, but he's so hated that people don't just say, "Greg Smith." It's always "That Fuckin' Smith.

Mary Fuckin' Smith. Mary Smith is not her real name, but she cusses so much that people say her name with the word "fuckin'" in the middle.

Foghorn. A former female corrections officer with whom I used to work. Heart of gold, hilarious, but really loud. When we worked the line together, other officers would say she didn't need a radio. She is actually called Foghorn to her face and proudly answers to it.

My nicknames are Cuckoo for Cocopuffs, Coco, Giggle Guts and Rusty. I can be zany. At least that's what they say the reason is for my nicknames. I probably don't want to know the real reason. However, a good friend calls me Coco, so I'm OK with it. Rusty is what they say my hair colour is and I carried that nickname from Junior High.

thinkthrice's picture

Ok we have "Birkenstock"  tree hugger extraordinaire-never thinks things through.  Belongs to the school of "sounded like a good idea at the time."  Since retired dude left, I have to work directly with her.    She does maps and geospatial stuff on plotters;

The CIO is a cool dude; one of the newer members but he is fooled by Mrs. Headlights, who, on the surface, seems like Ms. Friendly socialite UNTIL you ask her to do some work!  Oh and Mrs. Headlights is between a bass and a contralto.

We have a couple of interns who are nice kids and have a good work ethic; a total contrast from the usual you hear about today.  The guy is even a COD but seems well adjusted and normal (GASP!)

We have 'Mr. Potato Head" a guy who does nothing but Excel spreadsheets.  Knows nothing about computers but is on the "Application Team."  He thinks he is extremely smart but I beg to differ.  I can't tell you HOW many times I've bailed him out--usually for things I've already told him about but have gone in one ear and out the other.  He married a welfare queen (who is now on 100% disability) with a previously enjoyed famly but as a stepdad he is TOTALLY accepted.  Works two jobs to support her.

The other staff members I won't complain about other than a woman who is younger than me but dreams of retiring.  Why I don't know.  She's supposed to do the company's website updates but she doesn't know anything about website design or creation outside what someone has taught her through a "dreamweaver" drop and click type program.

Then we have the two system admins, the most recent addition is a woman who really knows her stuff but is finding out that we have people here who do nothing all day.  Out of 14 people on our staff, I get 25% of the tickets.  The other sys admin is hypervigilant and locks everyone out of everything.  He's been here a few months longer than me; your classic IT tall geek, skinny millenial computer dude.    We have another guy who is an ANCIENT programmer and who refuses to learn ANYTHING new; has been with the county for almost 40 years, refuses to retire and makes it difficult for everyone else.   And two other pretty much devoid of all computer knowledge, one of which has a husband who is also on "100% disability-due-to-a-bad-back" but manages to lift 80 lb bags of dog food in their dog breeding business.   The old programmer and the other guy who knows nothing gets paid almost 100K a year for sitting on their asses.


Winterglow's picture

We had a 404 ... he used to wander vacantly around in a parallel universe ... and he was a boss. 

"404 - not found"

Very much a random access brain ...

Goodluck's picture


We had a-- bedknobs and broomsticks..............figure it out yourself.