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Is Anyone Else's DH,SO, BF

thinkthrice's picture

becoming even more of an ahole on wheels in light of flu lockdown?

Was at rental for most of the day and came back home (Chef had planed one of the doors, installed the lock then went home about 3hrs before me which is becoming a pattern)

Me:  "I got all those ancient stair protectors/treads removed to the upstairs." 

Chef:  (sitting in his recliner in front of his laptop with COPS blaring on youtube) "yep."

Me: "huh?" (expecting he'd say Great! or something as he is ALWAYS elaborating and bragging over HIS accomplishments)

Chef: (raising his voice) "I SAID YES!   This is all work that has to be done. You know I actually hear you even though you think I am not listening.  What is with your attitude?"  


NarcissisticSkids's picture

Makes me feel better knowing that my DH is not the only one who acts like that !!!!

Iamwoman's picture

Well then. I would just say "yep" the next time Chef goes fishing for praise from me, if I were you. Two can play that game.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. There is zero reason to be an a-hole when we are all in the same boat.

thinkthrice's picture

i will trot out that word often

missginger's picture

Your blog made me laugh out loud! DH and I started this thing a couple years ago (I don't even know how) where "Yep" is a good text response but if we text "Yup" it means we're pissed!

As for DH - he is for the most part being super lovey dovey! We call it love bombs when when the gushy words come out and he has been dropping lots of them! But then if anything is said about SD maybe skipping a visit or two he goes right back to A**hole mode!!!

He actually had the nerve to say last night (as we were watching how horrible it is in Italy and I asked him if things get worse if he's going to talk to BM about giving up work) that me going to the store for groceries and touching doors is the equivalent of BM still working at a daycare and that I'm bringing as many germs into our home as his daughter!!!

susanm's picture

I think everyone is on edge but some people are handling it better than others depending on their coping mechanisms.  For example, I tend to manage my anxiety by finding control where possible rather than sitting and wringing my hands.  I am a former military kid and, in addition to growing up poor, left home very young and seriously struggled.  That made an impact and I have always found comfort in having a fully stocked pantry at all times and living below my means so that I can save for a rainy day.  In times of crisis (previously major hurricaines and ice storms/blizzards when living up north that caused weeks long power outages) I up my "prepper" game and a sense of self-sufficiency engergizes me in a weird way.

My DH tends toward depression and being reactive rather than proactive.  His preference is to lose himself in minor projects and arguments with people on Facebook.  I have tried to enlist him in getting things organized but keep having to re-direct him like a reluctant teenager who wants to get back to his fun.  Then I am accused of treating him like a child.  Well, stop acting like a child.  Do you want to eat and have medical supplies available during this quarantine or not?  Either be an adult and participate or be a child and "help" the person in charge.  Pick one, stop whining, and knock off the moody crap.  We are stuck in this and need to work together.

Lead, follow, or get out of the f*cking way!

ITB2012's picture

and I am cracking a bit today. Decided to link in to a church service at one of my former churches and the homily threw me. It was said that we will get through this the hard way or the easy way and it's yet to be seen if all the deaths are the hard way or the easy way. I was of the mindset that the deaths were the hard way, not that there would be worse repercussions. And, no, there was no statement about what would be harder than death.


Add: And his business is needed peripherally to help out with the pandemic so he's keeping busy. Plus he has stayed firm on the skids staying away. He messages them and said he will video chat if he wants to.

Thumper's picture

My dh has been great. Our kids great.

We are doing our best to keep status quo.

Maybe our weather has something to do with it.  Warmer and pretty decent compaired to most.

Our kids are not little, little so that helps too I believe. ??

Not a peep from Bms' kids...nothing new there either.



Cover1W's picture

DH and I do pretty good. No real cracks yet but for a truly terrible meal situation he made the other night.

He's learning quick to freaking CLEAN up after himself more...used to be he'd let it all pile up during the day and only clean it up right before I got home. Now he gets drug over to do it, especially if his stuff is in my way....DH it's rude! Going to have a tslk with him about clearing the drains in YSDs bath (AGAIN) and making sure we're not becoming her hotel staff.



LostinSpaceandTime's picture

And we don't ever really fight or argue. Only times was about his adult daughters which I have been disengaged or estranged from for eight years now.  

I am more than annoyed at him at the moment. I had plans to go visit my mom across country for an extended visit prior to the pandemic.  On Friday my mom called and we decided it would be best to postpone my trip.  I had the car almost fully packed, the dog sitter hired ( who now will not return the advance payment even though she never said anything about keeping it as a credit). DH was not happy I was going but he would have managed.

So I am annoyed with him because Saturday he went to go help unload the unhaul for his elderly mom and dad who were moving back to our area.  Only his two brothers were going to be there along with brothers wife and the parents.  Just unload and then come home.  Turns out that it was practically a family reunion with about ten people there.  DH's  adult daughter, her husband, husbands son from prior marriage, their two boys 5 and 8 yrs old and the under one year old baby girl. Also my DH's two brothers and their wives, and the parents.  Now my DH is high risk due to being on immunosuppressant drugs, high blood pressure, over 62, overweight.  He had no idea all those people were going to be there.  And he had just seen the daughters family last week for birthday of one of the kids.  So here I am canceling my trip so I would not put my elderly mom or my high risk husband at further risk for the corona virus and he is at a gathering of all these people who seem to not be taking this seriously.  The parents and Brother/wife just came from D.C. area, the daughter works in nursing home, the kids were all in school up until recently, and we have no idea where they have been or who they have been around.  
so why is it I am more concerned about the risk than DH or anyone else.  He said he stayed off to the side and then left when they seemed like they were done unloading.  I wonder why they even needed him there with three other men there to help unload one trailer.  His parents got rid of most everything before the move.  

Then his daughter fusses at him about leaving before she could get a family photo of everyone, she was still going on about it today when she called him.  

I just cringe every time he keeps saying how we need to get things back to normal in the family with the rift between me and the daughters.  They have treated me as if I did not exist even prior to the rift events.  They have no regard for their dads health, they would have none for mine.  They have not missed me in their lives or the lives of their kids.  No one has done anything to facilitate reconciliation.  They all seem oblivious and unaffected. Yet I have spent 8 years here on Steptalk, went to therapy some, read countless articles and books on the subject.  I just want to punch him when he moans sadly about the family getting back together.  Yet he has done nothing to make me feel that I will be treated any better than before.  I have not missed any of those people.  

I had four conditions for the possible reconciliation.  neutral place, non holiday or special event time, advance notice, and I forget the fourth at the moment.  Likely it was only one daughter and family at a time, not a herd party situation.  Well yesterday was a herd party. He had asked me to go along with him originally but I was still planning to be going to visit my mom and would have been busy. After my plans changed just the night before  I declined in order not to bring any risk to his parents. We have been keeping to ourselves but still having to run some errands over the past weeks for supplies. And he is still working.  

Anyway. Sorry for the ramble.  I was so looking forward to going away for a few weeks.  Just wanted some time to myself. Without that everyday question of what's for dinner. Or the blindsided moaning about the estrangements. And the practically every day comments about when would we have sex. Frequency is pretty much way down for several reasons, the comments basically just put me off further.  It is fine when we do but the putting in the order rather than just being affectionate and loving generally is not the right approach for me.  

stupid stuff to complain about in a pandemic.  Just no one else would get it.  Just feeling very stressed.  Snowstorm March...yeah....not.  

Sorry just realized I posted overly long winded comment....not meaning to hijack your post.  Sorry.  
Everyone keep well.  

Livingoutloud's picture

No my DH isn't becoming a jerk in this time of crisis. I'd not be married to an a$$.

He is tired though because he is RN and is at work like a clock. He supervises a unit because many are afraid to go to work he is now working extra. My state is on a lock down and numbers are rising. The only thing my DH goes over board now is finding weird you tube videos and insisting I watch them. Like goofy songs etc it's his coping mechanism. 

some people become jerks in crisis though, not good. I dated someone like that. No thanks