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Thoughts - how do you create a crazy BM?

The_Upgrade's picture

The common thought around here about SD is "well no wonder she turned out the way she did". Entitled, selfish and thinks the world revolves around her. Because BM has created a dynamic by putting her child on a pedastal where she's constantly rescued, told she deserves things without earning it through hard work or good behaviour. 

So it's a no brainer what screwed up the child. But what creates the HCGUBM personality? Surely at some stage in their lives they were sane women who once thought "I would never that to my child" when they heard of other crazy antics. 

So what started the slide into crazytown? You'd think all the dads out there would've seen the signs and thought "it would be a seriously BAAAAAAD idea to breed with you". And yet they did and here we are....

Comments

hereiam's picture

how do you create a crazy BM?

Two parts borderline personality disorder, 1 part victim complex, 1 part martyr syndrome, and a dash or two of sluttiness. Combine and shake (not stir) and voilà, crazy BM.

Jcksjj's picture

Messed up kid > messed up adult > pregnant messed up adult > crazy BM. 

It's the dysfunctional family circle of life 

Ursula's picture

BM was raised by a mother much like herself who was a GUBM and pushed the dad out of the kids life for quite a while. BM repeated the cycle. 

thinkthrice's picture

The Girhippo apple didn't fall far from the Battleaxe Galactica tree.  In fact it never fell and it's still attached. 

Lndsy747's picture

According to BM her mom is crazy and toxic and from what I've heard from SO and his family she is. BM has little to no relationship with her. BM thinks she has broken the circle of dysfunction with SD who is PAS'd out because they have a close(enmeshed) relationship. 

tog redux's picture

According to DH, BM's mother is a narcissist herself, who alienated her kids from their father.

This stuff is multigenerational, that's why it seems like the kids turn out just like the parent - and on down the line.  Family lessons are learned well.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I think it is a family dynamic.  In our case, BM's mom had her when she was 13.  She chased away BM's dad and told her fathers aren't an important part of a kid's life.  Our BM absolutely believes this.

As far as the men who breed with these women,  don't you know they were all trapped? I swear I read that on this site every day.  I always roll my eyes.  My DH often comments about BM, but like I told him, you knew what she was before you had kids with her.  Own up to it.  I think alot of men see the crazy but convince themselves that she will be different with them.  

thinkthrice's picture

Chef PLANNED two MORE children with the Gir AFTER the first one which sent their marriage into a tailspin.

WTF?   At least I knew enough to stop breeding with imcompatible spouses after the first UNPLANNED child. 

--figureditout--'s picture

I actually grew up with SD23'S mother from 5th grade through graduation.

Her mother was an abusive, narcissistic w*0re. Her kids were her slaves and were tormented. Throw in some bipolar disorder and boom.

The_Upgrade's picture

Thanks for all the responses. Looks like the common theme is family dysfunction. I just want to tell you all a bit about me. I was raised with an emotionally and physically abusive father. The classic narcissist. My mother on the hand has never preached estrangement. I refused to talk to him after I moved out. She was always hopeful my dad and I would one day get along. They finally separated last year. When DD was born though we raised the issue of him beating me up when I was a toddler right to my teen years and he responded that it wasn’t his fault. Kids need discipline to learn their place. Which was why I’ve never let DD meet her grandfather. Sometimes for the safety of the child it is necessary to bar certain family members access. 

But just because I was smacked around as a child, I haven’t thought it’s ok to bruise my toddler if she misbehaves. I also haven’t gone completely the other way either and refused to discipline. I guess my point is sometimes we have shitty childhoods. That wasn’t our fault. But it is our fault if we pass it onto the next generation. And we DO have the option to break the cycle.

Maxwell09's picture

Could be anything but I do thing a bit (haha-a lot) of ego to the point of narcissism and some child hood trauma are always the main ingredients to make a damage female want to posessive of those around her. Society as a whole goes with the "mean-girl" mentality as cute or entertaining with pop culture movies, songs and icons (Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift Beyonce). 

If I had to guess the childhood/teenage trauma happens first then she adapts feeding ego and/or playing emotional games throughout teenhood increasing in intensity on into adulthood. Never corrected because people love to chalk up early love as something "crazy" or "wild" or "intense" and "hormones" but more likely it was just a person who couldnt mature passed their age of trauma and thats how they remain the rest of their lives unless they do some healing, self reflection/taking responsibility for their faults in the relationship and show compassion + growth. After a few failed relationships I think they hone their practice of emotionally trapping and games with people they want to remain entagled with and only move on when they feel it would be an advantage to them. 

shamds's picture

often put on a fake show of herself like she was normal then went psycho bitch crazy and then her partner dumps or divorces her and project vindictiveness payback comes with full force... you can’t change that..

The_Upgrade's picture

A guilty disney daddy. Feelings of guilt due to how the relationship with BM ended. Perhaps infidelity on the dad's side. Perhaps he felt he didn't put in enough effort before things went to shit. Not enough time spent with the children prior to the relationship breaking down. Feeling like they abandoned the children when the family split up.

The disney part. Children have primary care/custody with BM and dad engages in a competition to be the most "loved" parent. Sometimes made worse by the fact that BM is high conflict. But only so much he can do in the small time he's alotted so he goes overboard every single time. Eventually kids get conditioned to expect gifts and servitude as the new norm. If he doesn't live up to the expectations he's set for himself then by now the kids have figured out how to twist the guilt knife. Dad feels guilty, dad goes all disney, rinse, repeat.

That was pretty much my DH until I lost my shit one day and threatened to leave. If I had a chance to talk to my younger self I'd tell little me to NEVER commit to a man until I'm happy with the dynamic between him, his kids and ex. It's ok if his ex is a psycho but he needs to be able to shut her down effectively way before I came on the scene. I want to say steer clear of kids full stop but i feel that's setting a bit of a double standard. I have DD2 and even though there's no breakup plans in place I don't want to believe that just because she exists I'm permanently damaged goods to any guy looking.