going crazy
I have an 11 yr old stepdaughter who is currently ruling the roost.After telling her mother that she doesn't want to come home because of me my husband decided to take on all parenting as not to upset his daughter.This leaves me out of the equation all together.Its like Im just there to cook and clean up for them. I have been with her since she was 4 so its not like we have not had a chance to bond. This issue has been a new thing that popped up last year. She began throwing tantrums for her mother saying she didnt want to go home because we were too strict at home. She sited things like she has to have a bedtime and that I upset her. Her example of me upsetting her was that when we were outside months earlier that I had my back turned to her when we were on our porch swing and that I didnt pour her a drink at dinner time.So currently I am the outsider at my house. My husband neglects to hold her accountable on things so they slide by because he is not paying attention . So she neglects to do the most basic of expectations (cleaning room chores picking up her stuff all over the house) all things I used to talk to her about. She has had the pre teen attitude that teenagers have since this all became an issue. She has talked back with terrible attitude and stomping off talking under her breath at me.When I dealt with it (holding her accountable for the bad behavior) she began this crap again about me upsetting her.This situation is so hard I am beginning to resent her and its starting to come between my husband and I. I am going crazy!
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I have no idea where to go
I have no idea where to go from here! I do not want to jeoprogize my marriage over this child's issues. What do you suggest I do?
Your husband's handling of
Your husband's handling of his child is already jeopardizing his marriage. Your own resentments and feeling of being not only an outsider but a maid and a doormat will just get worse and worse till your marriage is very wobbly indeed.
Tell your dh you are still the adult woman in your house and he needs to back you up. In an in tact family what would happen when a kid acted like this? Dad would say too bad, so sad, in this house little girls have bedtime. He would say show your mother some respect, don't come crying to me.
He should do the same now. Substitute "my wife" for "your mother" and every thing else exactly the same.
Why is this other woman (BM) running your house with her demands?
I know, all of this is easier said than done. But it's true nevertheless.
She lives with us and has
She lives with us and has evey other wk end with B mom. So this is an everyday thing!
Thank you thats a good idea.
Thank you thats a good idea. You are correct to say that this is a difficult age!