Being late and always tardy o/t question
I've been reading a lot of frustrated SM stories lately of skids or BMs whose tardiness or failure to arrive on time happen frequently. Or the tardiness causes the SM to be late.
Seems there are two kinds of people in the world: chronically late and persistently punctual. I'm guessing most people are one or the other.
Is either a learned habit or is it part of the person's personality? Do BMs or skids be late or drag their feet on purpose as a passive-aggressive or control tactic? Are SMs over reacting? Is it cultural or geographic-specific?
Why are some people always late? Is it a disregard for others or just who they are with no hidden intentions of causing grief?
I don't think tardiness is a hill to die on, but I also rarely wait for tardy people anymore (unless they give me the courtesy heads-up they're running late). Don't want to be on time? That's ok, I just go on without you. No hard feelings. Both DH and skids learned that the hard way; and now they find a way to honor their time commitments - their tardy habit has been "unlearned."
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I think it's a learned
I think it's a learned behavior. BM is actually early for everything except dropping SS off. So she does it on purpose. She learned real quick that I wait for no one. She called DH screaming that I had left and she would now be late to work because she had to drop SS off at school. DH said "Hey she said be there no later than 715 you weren't and she left. She has to get to work on time herself. So deal with it"
LOL thanks. It hasn't always
LOL thanks. It hasn't always been this way. In the beginning he was always fearful that 1. cuntalotapus would take custody away. (He had custody when SS was a baby and she got him back when he was 2)
2. She would convince SS to live with her and he couldn't stop it.
Once I showed him the family court laws in the state that the only way she can get full custody back is if she can prove he's an addict or abusive (he's neither)
Also, I told him that SS cannot tell the court he wants to live with mom because Dad makes him eat veggies or do his homework.
He became a whole different person when it came to her. He makes no exceptions for her.
Out of all of us, I am the
Out of all of us, I am the worst when it comes to running late. I can't completely say that it is a learned behavior, but I did start doing it as a young kid in a passive aggressive tatic. It would make my own BM flip out and once she hit a certain point of frustration, she stopped and would listen to me.
With the right motivation, I do believe it can be corrected. I was never late when on dads time before the move that separated us bc he would make it not worth it but he also took time for us. My SD used to drag her feet when I was taking her to appointments, so I played the same game when she had something fun that she wanted to do. It worked once she realized that I could do it too. Maybe it took the fun out of it for her.?.
I'm breaking that habit of being late by not allowing myself to have what I want until I'm on the road. Am admitting this here in hopes of it being able to help a frustrated parent or step parent.
i'm chronically late for
i'm chronically late for work, but not by much (never later than 5 mins).
other than that, i'm pretty anal about being on time. i'm never real early, i cut it close most of the time, but i hate when people are more than just a little late. dh's mom is ALWAYS late. he'll have to lie to her about the timing of things just so she doesnt hold eveyrone else up, or cause too much inconvenience!!!
For me it depends. I have an
For me it depends. I have an unrealistic sense of time, so I can be a half hour early or a half hour late and both times not have any concept of it.
In the past I was more often late. I struggled with the inefficiency of being early and then having to wait. Or I got distracted and had no idea. Never rude on purpose, but I can see how annoying it can be for others.
Now I'm usually on time or early. I still hate waiting (and if I bring a book, I'll get into it and still be late lol!) But I have learned that sometimes very interesting things happen while waiting. Just being available for whatever happens for a few minutes.
Being ADD, I have to be a
Being ADD, I have to be a minimum of ten minutes early, otherwise I'll never get there. Of course it doesn't help that I never have any idea how long it'll take me to get somewhere. I overesromated how long it'd take me to get to an appointment a few weeks back, and ended up being half an hour early. And the chap I'd gone to see was nearly an hour late, so I was sitting in the waiting room for nearly an hour and a half -_-
I hate it when people are
I hate it when people are late. It's just rude.
The first time SD and her husband (now ex) came to visit, they were almost an hour and a half late. DH went outside when they pulled up and he came in and said, "They want to know if they can bring in their food, that they stopped to get on the way, and eat it."
So, they were running late but still stopped to get food for just them and now want to eat it in my house? Um, no.
Next time, it was Easter. They were going to the husband's dad's but said they would be home by 1:30 and would call and then wanted come over to our house. At 3:00, they finally called (and lived 40 minutes away). My DH says, "Too late now, we are doing other things." She was not happy. I was.
They were an hour late to SD's own birthday dinner that her father-in-law was paying for.
I just don't get it.